Wedding Etiquette Forum

Baby Shower Bungle

Good Day All!

I fear I may have made a terribly rude misstep at a baby shower this weekend.

As a side note, the shower was for my husbands side of the family, so I didn't know many of the people very well. It was also two hours away, and we were asked to pick up the daughter of the hostess from college on our way (not that we minded).

When we walked in, we were greeted by someone taking our gifts and placing them with the others and then were handed a small clipboard with a little yellow envelope attached to it. I was then instructed to write my name and mailing address on it. I stared down at the item, and said "Seriously?"

My mother-in-law was walking by with another armload of gifts and commented "Now isn't that much easier for everyone?"

I glanced at her and said "I'm sorry, I have been spending too much time reading the Wedding Ettiquette chat boards." I then just shut up and filled out the envelope.

Me and my big mouth. I was told later that the hostess had actually overheard me and was horrified.

I feel like I should apologize. Is there a method of smoothing this over without making it much worse?
«1

Re: Baby Shower Bungle

  • Open mouth. Insert foot.  Take some solace in knowing she was rude first.  Let it go.
  • Yep, just let it go.  Anything you would do now would draw more attention to it and make it worse.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • edited February 2012
    Wait, I must be missing something. Why were they having you fill out your name and address?
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • I would just wait for it to blow over. But yes, what they did (having you write out your own thank you card) is rude.

    image
    Anniversary
  • That was very rude of the hostess to have the guests do. But you probably should have kept that thought to yourself but I'm sure you didn't do it to be mean.
    227 Invited image
    136 Ready to party image
    91 Won't be attending image
  • Let it go.  It wasn't the smoothest move, but anything you say now will just draw more attention to it, IMO.  I mean, what would your apology even be?  "Hey hostess, I'm really sorry I was so completely taken aback by your rudeness that I stuck my foot in my mouth?"  (Because let's be real here, that's pretty much what happened.)

    Andplusalso, the hostess should be horrified.  At herself.  Because you shouldn't be addressing your own thank you card.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Just let it go.  It was rude of them to ask and it wasn't like you meant any malice towards them for asking you to do it.  Same thing happened to me at a bridal shower but luckily no one heard me laughing.

  • [QUOTE]Wait, I must be missing something. Why were they having you fill out your name and address?
    Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

    We were writing our own names and addresses on the envelopes for the thank you cards so that the gift recipient would not have to.
  • And yes, I figured to just let it go would be the best bet. I just still can't believe I did that.

    I also can't wait to get a letter addressed to me in my own handwriting in the mail.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:ea6cc8f1-b82f-4d52-aa85-611dc1d5fd99">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]We were writing our own names and addresses on the envelopes for the thank you cards so that the gift recipient would not have to.
    Posted by hearthemelody[/QUOTE]
    Ohhhh!!! I was wondering if it had something to do with the thank-you notes. Umm yeah, that's rude. I'm sure they found your address just fine to send out the invite to the gift giving event. I must be spending too much time on the etiquette board too because I would have had a similar reaction. Just forget about it and don't say anything.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:2c4bd42a-3c06-44f5-9650-f566932a3f87">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : I think so she wouldn't have to do it for the thank you notes later.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
    Haha thanks! I thought it was maybe something to do with that...
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:ea6cc8f1-b82f-4d52-aa85-611dc1d5fd99">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]We were writing our own names and addresses on the envelopes for the thank you cards so that the gift recipient would not have to.
    Posted by hearthemelody[/QUOTE]
    Ahh TK ate my other post. What I said wwwaaasss...

    Yeah, that was rude on the hostesses part. I bet they found and addressed your address just fine for the invite to the gift giving event. I too might be spending too much time on the etiquette board because I would have had a similar reaction. I'd just let it go.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • I've never understood the big deal with having people write their return address at a shower. It takes 10 seconds. Compared bigger breeches of etiquette, I file this one under "who the hell cares."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:582c0978-b6fb-4e4b-83c1-25c596f7ea42">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never understood the big deal with having people write their return address at a shower. It takes 10 seconds. Compared bigger breeches of etiquette, I file this one under "who the hell cares."
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.

    The hostess of my baby shower had everyone do this while I was opening gifts. And, no one cared, at all. Would I do it if I were the hostess of something? No. But, I also wouldn't mind if someone asked me to do this at a shower.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Yeah, just let it blow over.

    My mom was insisting on having my bridal shower guests do this but I *think* I've convinced her I'd rather do it myself. We'll find out for sure in April.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:582c0978-b6fb-4e4b-83c1-25c596f7ea42">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never understood the big deal with having people write their return address at a shower. It takes 10 seconds. Compared bigger breeches of etiquette, I file this one under "who the hell cares."
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    I agree the 10 seconds isn't a big deal, but I still find it rude.  You're taking the time out of your life to come to this shower and to bring a gift.  The least the recepient can do is write and address a thank you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:582c0978-b6fb-4e4b-83c1-25c596f7ea42">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never understood the big deal with having people write their return address at a shower. It takes 10 seconds. Compared bigger breeches of etiquette, I file this one under "who the hell cares."
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    Eh, I think it's annoying.  In OP's situation, she drove two hours, picked up a guest as a favor, and brought a gift. The gift receiver can't be bothered to fill out her own envelopes?  I've never understood that.   I'm sure I'm over-analyzing here, but I think it makes the TY note come off as more of an obligation for the sender than a heartfelt thank you that they are happy to send.  Kind of like, "well I have to send these notes to you all later, so at least help me fill some of it out now."

    However OP, I don't think it's more of a 'side-eye' thing and you probably shouldn't have said anything.  I don't think it was terrible though.  I'd just let it blow over. 
    image
  • Ditto duds.  I had no idea my BM did this for my shower until they gave me a stack of envelopes with names and addresses on them.  So don't judge the bride.  She may not have any idea. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:734b40ac-4b3c-4a3c-a433-9781a270527c">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : I agree the 10 seconds isn't a big deal, but I still find it rude.  You're taking the time out of your life to come to this shower and to bring a gift.  The least the recepient can do is write and address a thank you.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    Eh, I still don't care. If I'm going to the shower, it's because I like that person enough to do so. So, I'm not going to be bothered by writing down my address.

    But to be honest, if the bride or whoever thanks me in person, I also don't care about getting a TY note.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:0a9d19f3-eff9-4c2f-8cb1-b4c491c1d3e4">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto duds.  I had no idea my BM did this for my shower until they gave me a stack of envelopes with names and addresses on them.  So don't judge the bride.  She may not have any idea. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    <div>Happened at my shower too.  The host handed out the envelopes and the little voice inside my head was yelling, "Stop!  What are you doing?!?!?"</div>
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Follow Me on Pinterest
  • andrea2473andrea2473 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:69b13741-349a-409a-8cae-af9b30328e64">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]Chels and Andrea, there is a very good possibility the bride didin't even know guests were asked to address their own envelopes. I try not to hold something the host does against the bride.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    I suppose that could be true.  I still don't care for it whether the it's the host or the bride's idea, regardless.  But, I guess it's not as bad if it's the host's idea and they are just trying to 'help'.  

    Admittedly, I'm very weird about TY notes.  I have no idea why. 

    ETA: But I DO think a host should be aware of how tacky/lazy/rude/etc it might appear to the rest of the guests.  That's just part of the responsibility of throwing a party.
    image
  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : Eh, I think it's annoying.  In OP's situation, she drove two hours, picked up a guest as a favor, and brought a gift. The gift receiver can't be bothered to fill out her own envelopes?  I've never understood that.   I'm sure I'm over-analyzing here, but I think it makes the TY note come off as more of an obligation for the sender than a heartfelt thank you that they are happy to send.  Kind of like, "well I have to send these notes to you all later, so at least help me fill some of it out now." Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

    That is exactly how we felt.

    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : Eh, I still don't care. If I'm going to the shower, it's because I like that person enough to do so. So, I'm not going to be bothered by writing down my address. But to be honest, if the bride or whoever thanks me in person, I also don't care about getting a TY note.
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    Not that it matters, but I <em>don't</em> know this woman. I haven't seen or spoken to her in several years. I was more or less required to go on behalf of my husband, and even he hasn't seen or spoken to her in that long. The way I understood it was as a familial requirement.
    Again, I know that doesn't matter since I chose to go, but it wasn't like "Oh Mel understands, cause she knows me so well"
  • Maybe the hostess will take a minute and realize that perhaps she was being rude by asking guests to write their own thank you note enevelopes.  :-)
  • The whole addressing your own TY is relatively common in my circle and not something I bat an eyelash at. However, it did come up for my shower. FI's mom asked if I wanted her to pick up thank you cards so that she could give the envelopes to folks at the shower to address. I politely declined because it wasn't that big of a deal for me to address them myself. There's like 30 people. Maybe if it had been a 90 person shower (which I've seen), then I might have taken her up on it.
    Items for sale & Detroit vendor Reviews:
    www.detroitwedding.weebly.com
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:cf62623b-786f-4d8f-967d-6963e48b3d5b">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : Eh, I think it's annoying.  <strong>In OP's situation, she drove two hours, picked up a guest as a favor, and brought a gift.</strong> The gift receiver can't be bothered to fill out her own envelopes?  I've never understood that.   I'm sure I'm over-analyzing here, but I think it makes the TY note come off as more of an obligation for the sender than a heartfelt thank you that they are happy to send.  Kind of like, "well I have to send these notes to you all later, so at least help me fill some of it out now." However OP, I don't think it's more of a 'side-eye' thing and you probably shouldn't have said anything.  I don't think it was terrible though.  I'd just let it blow over. 
    Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

    Coming out of lurking...this weekend I drove 3.5 hours, not including the 3 hours delayed in traffic because of an accident and when I got to the WEDDING they had envelopes next to the guest book for us to fill out. I can almost excuse this at a shower, but the wedding! I was blown away.

    image
  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Shower Bungle : Coming out of lurking...this weekend I drove 3.5 hours, not including the 3 hours delayed in traffic because of an accident and when I got to the WEDDING they had envelopes next to the guest book for us to fill out. I can almost excuse this at a shower, but the wedding! I was blown away.
    Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]

    Yikes!

    The only way I could fathom that would be a suggestion I read once to make envelopes availible if people wanted to leave a cash gift but had forgotten to bring one.

    But this was not that situation?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:c3e247a5-482f-4ff0-853a-4eed6df6a849">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd be more upset if I hand-addressed my own thank you note and then never received one. At least this way you're much more likely to get a thank you note.
    Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  Happened to me.  The baby will be two in September and I never received a thank you note, even after writing down my own damned address.
    image
  • I went to a baby shower where I was asked to write out the envelope AND stick a post-it note in the thank you listing what I had brought. May as well have just written it out myself and taken it home with me. The only other time I've seen that was at my neighbor's baby shower. I wrote "just throw it in my mailbox" on the envelope.

    OP I wouldn't say anything. I'm just not sure what you could say that would make it better.
  • i've done this at showers (baby and bridal) and i have never ever thought it was rude.  i've also seen it where all the envelopes go into a basket, the bride picks a card and that person won a prize.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-shower-bungle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4cf97200-afef-47f0-90f0-278ab75b8bb9Post:72d2dbdc-1109-4c8f-8249-305a647fd9d4">Re: Baby Shower Bungle</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yikes! The only way I could fathom that would be a suggestion I read once to make envelopes availible if people wanted to leave a cash gift but had forgotten to bring one. <strong>But this was not that situation?</strong>
    Posted by hearthemelody[/QUOTE]

    Not that I know of. There weren't any instructions, just a pile of blank envelopes and a pile with addresses on them. I actually forgot to even do it. The guest book had a place to put your address in it as well. Total overkill.

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards