The shower invite really has nothing to do with me, right?

ldn1824

I know that I am not part of the shower planning, and I am fine with that. But FI showed me the invitation that was made, and it made me cringe. Can I just say this is a vent or something, because I don't want to sound like an ungrateful snob but the invitation is slightly embarrassing. Very poorly worded and bad punctuation etc. Also they made it on the computer which is fine, but they put some sort of Irish pot of gold paper which I don't get AT ALL and then there is a picture of a shamrock (??) and then a random cutesy apron. The two pictures have nothing to do with each other and neither does this Irish paper have anything to do with anything bridal. Am I wrong? Then I was told it was a bridal shower so I only gave the names of my female friends and relatives and then FI told me he was going to be there. Soooo then it's not a bridal shower it's a couples shower right? I asked him and I guess it's all women except him. Is it acceptable for the groom to be at an all female bridal shower? Then the message on the invitation says "Let's wish L and S love, happiness, and lots of luck putting up with each other's annoying habits for the rest of their lives. "  I told FI I wasn't happy with it, but that I understand it's not my call. He's not too happy with it either, but I don't know that it will get changed. Then they put "It's a wedding shower for L and S.  Time: October 10th 2010 Sunday and on another line put 2-4 pm. Wouldn't that be the DATE and not the TIME? And wouldn't that say "Sunday, october 10, 2010 instead of the other way? Maybe it's just me. I feel like I can't say anything, so if anyone wants to say I'm overreacting, I will be glad to hear it. Because I know I can be slightly uptight, so I want to know if  I am making too much of this and if I should just let it go. I really feel though, that my family and friends will be like WTF! Because I am like WTF! I just need opinions!

damaless

A shower is a party someone else is throwing for you.  If their invitations look crude, oh well.  You don't get to dictate what the invitations look like for a party someone else is throwing.  Regarding your FI being there, I've heard of female-only showers having the groom show up for the gift-opening part, so that's not that weird.  Maybe it would be weird if it were a lingerie shower or something.

nda_roxybabe

You're being a bit uptight but I understand your frustrations.

Firstly, who is throwing this shower for you? Do they not know you that well? Could you express these thoughts (nicely) to them?

Yes, someones being nice and throwing it so you should be happy with what you get but I still think you should be allowed some say.

You are being a bit nit picky about the wording though.

ldn1824

Okay thanks! I know in the grand scheme of things this is nothing to fret over, I guess I just I am just puzzled by their choices. But I know that I can't say anything so I am just gonna let it go. Felt good to put it out there though. lol

ldn1824

nda-roxybabe, I didn't see your reply when I posted. Close friends of my FI's family are hosting the shower. I do know them. FI was over at one of their houses and they showed it to him  which is why he was able to send me a picture of it. I'm actually relieved that you say I'm being too nit picky with the wording, because I just really hated the part about "putting up with each other's annoying habits for the rest of our lives".   I'm going to just let it go because I'm always too worried about what other people think, and I'm trying to do better! lol

irshis20

I don't think you're being too uptight by feeling put off by the "putting up with each other's annoying habits.." line. That seems very passive aggressive to me, and it's unnecessarily negative and critical for an invitation to a happy, intimate occasion such as a bridal shower. I'd be annoyed by that, too. It's more appropriate for a funny toast.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-invite-really-nothing-right?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d5ec145-331b-468a-9db9-80233b2f20b5Post:045ad062-a01b-4f4c-9832-002f50552fd4">Re: The shower invite really has nothing to do with me, right?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're being too uptight by feeling put off by the "putting up with each other's annoying habits.." line. That seems very passive aggressive to me, and it's unnecessarily negative and critical for an invitation to a happy, intimate occasion such as a bridal shower. I'd be annoyed by that, too. It's more appropriate for a funny toast.
Posted by irshis20[/QUOTE]
Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you're being nit picky about that line. I agree with thisposter.
I meant nitpicky about the wording of the date and time. That part doesn't really matter :)

PharmacyBride

No one will associate the design of the invites (or their wording) as a reflection of you.  Just be grateful they are hosting a shower for you.  Showers take a LOT of time and money to host and you should be very thankful for that!

The only part of the shower planning you should have participate in is the invite list - guiding the hosts on who to invite and who not to.

As for your groom being there.  That is just the way it is in some circles.  FI's paternal side doesn't want him there- neither did his maternal side.  My family expects the guy there whether or not they are related to the bride or the groom.  They say it is because they are giving gifts to both the B&G and want the chance to hang out with the groom.

Just accept the shower you are given or decline the event in its entirety... anything in between will come off as ungrateful.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-invite-really-nothing-right?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d5ec145-331b-468a-9db9-80233b2f20b5Post:045ad062-a01b-4f4c-9832-002f50552fd4">Re: The shower invite really has nothing to do with me, right?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're being too uptight by feeling put off by the "putting up with each other's annoying habits.." line. That seems very passive aggressive to me, and it's unnecessarily negative and critical for an invitation to a happy, intimate occasion such as a bridal shower. I'd be annoyed by that, too. It's more appropriate for a funny toast.
Posted by irshis20[/QUOTE]

I think everyone who receives the invitation will understand that this was intended to be a cute joke.  I don't think it's something to get worked up over.

Calypso1977

the invite and shower is no reflection on you.

i dont get when grooms go to showers though.  a good friend of mine FORCED her husband to go to her shower.  poor guy sat there, drinking beer, and opening gifts with 35 women.  he looked miserable.

jenellsrevenge

I can understand this. I am super picky about invites, mostly because that was my job in high school and college. I worked at this little shop designing invites.Yes, the date is wonky and that little phrase is really unnecessary. If they wanted to make it cuter than a normal invite then they could have looked online and found plenty of cute little poems that would have plenty appropriate and might have even said the same basic thing but in a much nicer and appropriate way.

marissa_claire

The invite reflects more on the hostess, so don't worry about it.  I wasn't crazy about the ones my aunt made, but in the scheme of things it's not that important.  Even if you're a perfectionist... just weigh this one.... would you rather have crappy flowers?  Or an invite you didn't even make that very few people see?

tenofcups4me

I don't think you're over-reacting. I'd be embarrassed if that invitation went out for a party for me. Has the invitation gone out already? If it hasn't, maybe your FH could give some of your input to the hosts as if it were his own thoughts.

How very awkward all around.

TTiger03

I don't think you are over reacting about that particular line.  I would be angry if I saw that, but the above are all correct that it reflects poorly on the host and not you.  If anyone says anything to you about it, just explain that you had nothing to do with it.  I'm sure your friends will understand and wish you the best.  They will probably be grateful it wasn't said about them.

As for the groom attending, ask him if he wants to come for the gifts portion or did he want to be there for the whole thing.

My friend had a baby shower that was all women.  Her husband came for the gifts part.  Since she knew he wouldn't be interested in all the talking the women were doing she invited her dad and his dad to come too.  The dad's weren't upset at the lack of formal invite and spent most of the time in the back yard with a beer chatting. 

If FI is close enough to the hosts, he might ask for his dad or the host's husband to attend the chatty part in another room with him.  

ldn1824

Thanks Ladies for all the good feedback! It's been very helpful. And the invitation has not been sent out yet and I am trying to get FH to subtly express some distaste for the way it's worded (the putting up with each part) and I'm trying to subtly express that I don't get the Irish thing (maybe it's for luck?? I don't know?) I just thought it would look bridal if you know what I mean. But if that is the way it turns out, I am going to just get over it and relax about it. So thanks for all of your opinions!

bonnyandtim

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-invite-really-nothing-right?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d5ec145-331b-468a-9db9-80233b2f20b5Post:b1ef2548-e0cb-4d37-8a08-3cc9119b730d">Re: The shower invite really has nothing to do with me, right?</a>:
[QUOTE]A shower is a party someone else is throwing for you.  If their invitations look crude, oh well.  You don't get to dictate what the invitations look like for a party someone else is throwing. <strong> Regarding your FI being there, I've heard of female-only showers having the groom show up for the gift-opening part, so that's not that weird. </strong> Maybe it would be weird if it were a lingerie shower or something.
Posted by damaless[/QUOTE]

This is what we did @ my shower. It was nice because some people got to meet him. & he was my present-carrying slave haha!