Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help

lopezalonso

Both of our parents are hosting the wedding and FI's mom has a PhD in immunology. How do I word their names on the invitation?

Is it correct to say to say the following?

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Mr. and Doctor Andrew Smith

OR

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Mr. and Dr. Andrew Smith

I have heard it mentioned that medical doctors get called "Doctor" whereas PhD's do not. Is this true? She would be very upset if her title weren't on there. 

Please help me word this.

101 pixie

Ask her for her preference.  For most PhD's, a female's social name is Mrs. and part of Mr and Mrs So-and-So.

NOLAbridealmost

You used a variation of Doctor/Dr. in both examples, but in social situations PhDs are not referred to as doctors.  I am saying this as a woman with a doctorate; it's just a title used in professional and academic situations unless you're an MD. 

Loopyseven

I'd do "Together with their families" otherwise I think it gets too wordy.  Otherwise, NOLA is correct, a PhD is not used in social situations.

mica178

If she insists on using her title (incorrectly), then her name would be first on that line:
Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. Michael Doe

lopezalonso

I am going to ask her but I am pretty sure she wants to use the title. 

lopezalonso

What do you mean the woman always goes first? In the case of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, the man's title is first is it not?

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sets-of-parents-hosting-fmil-phd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d865bc6-ac3b-4db0-a3be-3ad122661742Post:32df90be-3c0e-469f-91fe-7dd906a2fe65">Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help</a>:
[QUOTE]Mrs. and Mr. John Smith Ladies go first. Man shouldn't get split from his last name.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;">The man's first name doesn't get split from his last name, but the "Mr." does, so it's Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  Ladies go first when you list the people separately because they have different last names, the woman has a different title, you are using first names, or some other reason.  </div></div>

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sets-of-parents-hosting-fmil-phd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d865bc6-ac3b-4db0-a3be-3ad122661742Post:3b4578d5-35de-4239-87df-89501e92ab79">Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help : Not what ever I have heard around here.  Or what I have known from growing up.  It has always been Mrs. and Mr.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>Hm, really?  I've never seen "Mrs. and Mr. John Smith."  You're right that it is otherwise women first, so I don't understand the logic behind this one, although the "Mr. and Mrs. HisName" also just really sounds antiquated to me, but nonetheless.  <a href="http://www.crane.com/etiquette/wedding/marriedcouples?RPL" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">Link to Crane</a>, <a href="http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-address/titles/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">link to Emily Post</a>.  </div>

cebrady89

Mrs. and Mr. John Smith is NOT correct at all. Never ever!

Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith

Dr. Jane and Mr. John Smith

Mrs. Jane and Mrs. John Smith

^^ OP: Those are the only times the woman's name would be first - everything else should read Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. A man is never separated from his last name, but the title Mr. always comes first.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sets-of-parents-hosting-fmil-phd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d865bc6-ac3b-4db0-a3be-3ad122661742Post:94b61b4c-cfbe-4f1c-a14f-c9483685cacc">Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help</a>:
[QUOTE]Mrs. and Mr. John Smith is NOT correct at all. Never ever! <strong>Mrs</strong>. <strong>Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith</strong> Dr. Jane and Mr. John Smith Mrs. Jane and Mrs. John Smith ^^ OP: Those are the only times the woman's name would be first - everything else should read Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. A man is never separated from his last name, but the title Mr. always comes first.
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]

<div>Use Ms. not Mrs. if the woman kept her last name, unless you know she prefers Mrs. for whatever reason.  </div>

tenofcups4me

Mr. and Dr. his name is never correct. If she's a doctor, it's:

Doctor Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

While traditionally PhDs don't get a title on an invitation, that seems to be a rule that more people are breaking. I'd certainly go with whatever her preference is.

You might want to consider doing the same for your mother too.

Oh and Mrs. and Mr. John Smith is just wrong. IF you're using JUST the man's name along with Mr. and Mrs., Mr. comes first. If you're separating the names or just using first names, then the woman comes first (Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe OR Jane and John Doe).

Edited for stupid mistake and total lack of clarity. Oops.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sets-of-parents-hosting-fmil-phd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d865bc6-ac3b-4db0-a3be-3ad122661742Post:e3d8e5e2-98a4-4cb9-86d4-338749e46017">Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and Mr. and Mrs. John Smith is just wrong. IF you're using the man's name, Mr. comes first. If you're separating the names or just using first names, then the woman comes first (Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe OR Jane and John Doe).
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming you meant that Mrs. and Mr. John Smith is wrong, not Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sets-of-parents-hosting-fmil-phd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d865bc6-ac3b-4db0-a3be-3ad122661742Post:fc5c67ed-c2a7-4c63-8946-d12a1bc93438">Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Both sets of parents hosting, FMIL a PhD... help : I'm assuming you meant that Mrs. and Mr. John Smith is wrong, not Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Yes, thank you! The rest of that part of the post doesn't make much sense either. Editing now...it's been a long day.

lopezalonso

So it has to say:

Doctor Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith 

NOT

Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith?

Does the woman have to have her last name, if the same as her husband's, listed as in addition to her husband's just because she is a doctor?

tenofcups4me

According to Crane's, it's full names for both. More info here: http://www.crane.com/etiquette/wedding/marriedcouples?RPL

Apparently Emily Post is advocating Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith so I guess she'd be ok with Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith. Personally I don't care for that -- to me it looks like the woman has no last name.

mica178

It would be Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith.  You don't spell out "doctor" for PhDs.

lenergyrlah

Please don't do "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith."  Who the hell is Mrs. John Smith?  Maybe Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith but I think the other recommendations are better.

Titles are used to show respect, so you should refer to someone as "doctor" regardless of whether they are in the medical field.  There are many different types of doctors (a Ph.D. is a Doctor of Philosophy).  Therefore I think you should list the invite "Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith" or "Mr. and Dr. John and Jane Smith."  Never spell out "doctor" when it's part of a title (you only use it if you're saying "I visited the doctor today" instead of "I visited Dr. Smith today").