Wording for thank you notes if marriage failed after very short time?

jap0924

I got married in November and my husband filed for divorce in January.  I haven't sent out thank you notes yet.  Any suggestions on what to write besides, 'I choose the wrong guy, but thanks for choosing the right gift!'.

3-7-12
Thank you for the kind words.  I appreciate your support.  I still not sure what to write.  I have family and friends that still do not know about the separation.  So, I'm debating if I should or shouldn't mention it in the thank you note.  I've already returned the few non-monetary gifts we received.  Unfortunately, the monetary gifts cannot be returned until the divorce is settled.  Any further suggestions?

Avion22

If there are gifts you haven't used yet, I would recommend returning them.

If you've used them, then just send a standard thank-you note...

"Dear Aunt Sally,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful gift.  The cutting board is fantastic, and I've been enjoying using it to chop veggies while cooking dinner.  Can't wait to see you and Uncle Mike this Summer."

StephBeanWed61502

I'm so sorry for your situation - it must be difficult.

I think general consensus around here is that, to the extent that you haven't used the gifts already, you might want to try to return them.  To the extent that returning the gifts isn't possible, I would probably just thank the person for being so thoughtful/generous/etc.  I don't think I'd reference the failed marriage at all.

mari0225

I am so sorry, I agree with people on returning those that have not been used.

josephwedding

Ugh, OP that sucks. I'm so sorry

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-for-thank-you-notes-if-marriage-failed-after-very-short-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e073090-94a8-46ad-a6f0-ae0163eeba3bPost:49ecb975-967f-4cc3-8315-a291f888f2b7">Re: Wording for thank you notes if marriage failed after very short time?</a>:
[QUOTE]Steph, when I read that part I thought it was odd.  But I literally just copied and pasted from the people article. And it helped show that OP shoudl return the unused gifts (if any of them are unused).
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

I actually can see it both ways - it could be a relatively easy way to let people know about the divorce if they don't already, and I guess if you sent a note without mentioning the divorce and then the recipient found out about the divorce after receiving it there's a possibility they could feel misled, but for me personally, there's no way I could sit there and write about how my marriage dissolved 87 times.  (Plus, I'm assuming that anyone close enough to be invited to the wedding probably knows about the divorce by now anyway, since my experience is that news like that travels fast, so it seems unnecessary.)

dori851

I agree with PPs. Return the unused gifts & write a standard thank-you card for the ones that cannot be returned. I'm so sorry about your situation. ((hugs))

jemmini6

Ditto PPs, I'm sorry you are going through this.

JoelandLeann

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Best of luck.

Beachy730

Well, the TY notes should have gone out a while ago.  So while this isn't the correct etiquette standpoint at all, i'm pretty sure if i was one of your guests and hadn't gotten a TY yet, I sure as hell wouldn't be expecting one now.  

From an etiquette standpoint though, the gifts are supposed to be returned.  If they are unable to be returned, you are supposed to send a gift card for the amount of the gift.  Most people probably aren't going to want or expect their gift back, but that's technically the correct way.     

CRabbit313

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-for-thank-you-notes-if-marriage-failed-after-very-short-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e073090-94a8-46ad-a6f0-ae0163eeba3bPost:7709fc39-e21e-4437-906c-b6ffd04f1b3e">Re: Wording for thank you notes if marriage failed after very short time?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, the TY notes should have gone out a while ago.  So while this isn't the correct etiquette standpoint at all, i'm pretty sure if i was one of your guests and hadn't gotten a TY yet, I sure as hell wouldn't be expecting one now.   From an etiquette standpoint though, the gifts are supposed to be returned.  If they are unable to be returned, you are supposed to send a gift card for the amount of the gift.  Most people probably aren't going to want or expect their gift back, but that's technically the correct way.     
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]



Ok, I realize Ive posted, like, three times and have no social standing here, but this seems unnecessarily rude and condescending. She got divorced after <i>two months</i> and you're going to call her out for being a little late on the thank you notes? I wonder what could have POSSIBLY prevented them from going out on time.

Etiquette does not preclude compassion.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-for-thank-you-notes-if-marriage-failed-after-very-short-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e073090-94a8-46ad-a6f0-ae0163eeba3bPost:607aa8d1-9ceb-435d-a8b9-831f3bb5c6cf">Re: Wording for thank you notes if marriage failed after very short time?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording for thank you notes if marriage failed after very short time? : Ok, I realize Ive posted, like, three times and have no social standing here, but this seems unnecessarily rude and condescending. She got divorced after two months and you're going to call her out for being a little late on the thank you notes? I wonder what could have POSSIBLY prevented them from going out on time. Etiquette does not preclude compassion.
Posted by CRabbit313[/QUOTE]

<div>Calm down there killer.  I was saying her guests would probably have compassion with the TY notes.  Most people expect TY notes within 2 months of the wedding.  So if I was a guest and hadn't gotten one at this point I definitely wouldn't be expecting one to come if the couple was splitting.  </div>