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XP: Crushed and ready to give up.

I just need to vent. FH and I are on a really tight budget. The church we go to is letting us use the venue for free and that's really the only reason we can afford something other than JOP/courthouse wedding.  We went to plan out the reception set up today and discovered that the space is tighter than we thought.  Waaay tighter.  Our original guest list had about 110 people on it (His family is huge. Dad is one of 6 mom is one of 4) and this was after I cut most of my friends so we wouldn't offend any family members.  After playing with the space we discovered that if we want to have dancing, then we are going to have to cut our guest list down to about 70 people.  Like I said I've already cut pretty much all of my friends from the guest list and now I'm looking at having to start drama by cutting family.  I just want my friends and family to celebrate my new life with my new husband.  But now I feel like in order to have people there that I really want to celebrate with we have to sacrifice dance space. And even then I couldn't invite more than a handful of people.  I've been through so much with my family regarding this marriage. I was raised Mormon and left the church right around the time I met FH, so of course my family blames him. I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. I feel like this is another slap in the face. I just needed to vent to other brides. 
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Re: XP: Crushed and ready to give up.

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    rin89rin89 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    We are already using rectangular tables. I had posted here before about possibly having to give up the dancing.  Most of you ladies suggested giving it up but I was being stubborn and didn't listen. I think it's time to just admit that you all were right.  I'm sorry this probably comes across as really whiney and pathetic. It shouldn't really matter if there is dancing or not. I should just let it go.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-crushed-and-ready-to-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2abc67-4b77-40e6-86da-8c64ac127d85Post:0d64817d-d5d5-4876-9060-b110dd0c422e">Re: XP: Crushed and ready to give up.</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are already using rectangular tables. I had posted here before about possibly having to give up the dancing.  Most of you ladies suggested giving it up but I was being stubborn and didn't listen. I think it's time to just admit that you all were right.  I'm sorry this probably comes across as really whiney and pathetic. It shouldn't really matter if there is dancing or not. I should just let it go.
    Posted by rin89[/QUOTE]

    <div>Do you have a guest list full of people who really enjoy dancing? Would it be possible to go to a club (or something) after the reception ends with the people who like to dance?</div><div>
    I'm just throwing out suggestions here because I hate seeing someone give up. It's okay to whine (a little!)  :)</div>
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    rin89rin89 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    A club is out. We're not really club/bar people and we live in Nowhere, Maine so there is not much to pick from other than couple of gay bars. The few friends (mostly BM's) that I have invited are all for dancing, and I know we would have a blast.  But another venue is out (no money for it) and so is a club.  FH has suggested maybe we just sit down and make our dream list and work from there. I'm just frustrated because this is not the wedding I planned at all. I don't expect perfection. I'm not kidding when I say I find perfection boring. I guess my expectations still exceeded my wallet though. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-crushed-and-ready-to-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2abc67-4b77-40e6-86da-8c64ac127d85Post:7bb2a99f-ba60-43c2-9dbe-d9296142b295">Re: XP: Crushed and ready to give up.</a>:
    [QUOTE]A club is out. We're not really club/bar people and we live in Nowhere, Maine so there is not much to pick from other than couple of gay bars. The few friends (mostly BM's) that I have invited are all for dancing, and I know we would have a blast.  But another venue is out (no money for it) and so is a club.  FH has suggested maybe we just sit down and make our dream list and work from there. I'm just frustrated because this is not the wedding I planned at all. I don't expect perfection. I'm not kidding when I say I find perfection boring. I guess my expectations still exceeded my wallet though. 
    Posted by rin89[/QUOTE]

    <div>FI's suggestion does sound like a good start though. Can you sit down and each write a list of the must-invite people, then the would-like-to-invite people and finally the only-if there's-people and go from there? If only you and FI are paying, you have complete control over the guest list so if mom and dad/FILs insist on inviting their friends, for example, you could potentially cut them off the guest list and have room for your friends. Idk if that situation applies to you, so it's just an example.</div>
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    Yeah, is there a separate area you could use as a dance area?  Does the church have a coat room?  Could you maybe move/take down some of the tables after dinner to make room for dancing?  One of the biggest issues with removing tables is then, where do those guests put their purses/coats for the rest of the evening.  If can solve that issue so everyone is comfortable that their personal belongings are safe/secure, I'd be okay with removing a couple of tables for dancing space.  
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    PP have great advice and I really think your FI has a good idea.  Decide what is most important to you and go from there.
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    How many of these 110 are kids? Maybe if you went adult only it would cut out a chunk. So could not inviting cousins. I personally would invite in circles so if cousin Sally (or her mother) asks why she wasn't invited you can say due to space constraints no cousins or kids where invited. Also a small or no bridal party or mainly only bridal party can help keep numbers down. Hate to say it but sometimes family only weddings are better because then you don't have friends get offended that your other friends got invited and they didn't. True friends understand that weddings are expensive and you annoy always invite everyone you like.
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    Have you sent out save-the-dates or invitations yet? If so, then cutting the guest list isn't a very good option. I think the best so far is either TXKristan's suggestion of spilling out into the parking lot, or Loopy's suggestion to take down a few tables after dinner (still leaving seats for anyone who wants to sit!)
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    rin89rin89 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    We're currently looking into the idea of finding cocktail tables to rent to save some space . We've also put a call out to our pastor friends in the area. Many church up here have tents that they keep on hand for things like yard sales.  Perhaps we can find someone who would let us rent it for cheap (or maybe even borrow).  Thanks for all the advice! 
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    What about moving tables after people have eaten, and possibly leaving chairs. Most people don't start dancing until dinner is over with anyway, and sometimes people start leaving after dinner as well. Maybe you could transition into a dance or party portion of the reception. The first two hours of my reception are eating/mingling with light music. Once dinner is over the DJ will start to play party music and I'm sure many of my older guests would prefer to not be apart.
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    PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-crushed-and-ready-to-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2abc67-4b77-40e6-86da-8c64ac127d85Post:d64594a7-8d82-451b-96bb-915c9375891a">XP: Crushed and ready to give up.</a>:
    [QUOTE]... I've been through so much with my family regarding this marriage. I was raised Mormon and left the church right around the time I met FH, so of course my family blames him. I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. I feel like this is another slap in the face. I just needed to vent to other brides. 
    Posted by rin89[/QUOTE]

    Do not let your family put the blame on your FI for leaving the church.

    My FI is Catholic and I am Southern Baptist.  Although he would have no problem getting married in a Missionary Baptist Church, we may end up doing it either at his mom's or brother's home (small and intimate), or eloping to Las Vegas.
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