Help!

VioletRose519

Months ago I sent out STDs from the knot… I asked my FMIL over and over again for her side of the families email addresses… I never received any, so I just let it go assuming the actual wedding invite would do the trick. She then informs me recently that she just went ahead and forwarded the STD I had sent her… and she sent it to her entire family including extended family and friends. This is over 80+ people. (It was only supposed to be about 30-35) We asked her for the list of people she sent the STD to and now are waiting on that. Most of these people are not invited to our wedding… How do we do damage control?

Birdie1483

Yeah that really sucks. The only advice that I can give is that I think she should have to clean up her own mess. She should have to be the ones to break the bad news if you can't invite them all.

ootmother2

Looks like your FMIL will be having to cough up the cash for the extra guests she invited.

STD = Invite

SirJuliusVonHaast

Yeah . . . I think she either needs to pay for the extra people or be the one and call them to explain that she sent them the STD without consulting you about the actual guest list. Either way I'm sorry because that really sucks.

mm4662

That SUCKS....

Make her clean up the mess. I'd be MAD!

VioletRose519

Yea we are both pretty mad and because we already have 200 guests and the venue holds 250 it is going to be a tight squeeze if we have to invite people…I think I am going to talk to her and see what she says… the problem being we can not ignore this because the STD has all the wedding info on it included venue/time/date and even how to book a room so even if some people did not receive the actual invite they might show up

jsleik

Geez!!  Who does that???  I would have your fiance offer the choice of paying for them or calling them individually to let them know.  Did she know she only had 30-35 on the list?  Were you emailing it back and forth or anything so you can show her who she had already picked?

Brandiewine11

I'm really sorry, that sucks. Did you discuss the list with her in advance? I would have FI speak to her and, since your venue can't hold all those extras, to have her call each one who can't be invited and apologize. If you can accomodate them, space wise, like PP said, ask her to pay. Good luck with this!

VioletRose519

She gave us the original list of 80+ (We asked for a list of family apx 30-35 people and she gave us a list of 30-35 invitations) but we told her quickly she had misunderstood. She knew we had to cut it down to 30-35.

akhensley81

My SMIL did something similar - she "personally" extended invitations to a handful of family members who didn't make the list, and we found out about a month before the wedding. I gave her the option of calling them all herself and explaining her error, or dealing with the embarassment of having them turned away at the door. She called them.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e460bd0-4cc4-436c-b113-b75a712fa869Post:040f964f-9d8f-4d7a-b9d0-39ca807fa365">Re: Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]She gave us the original list of 80+ (We asked for a list of family apx 30-35 people and she gave us a list of 30-35 invitations) but we told her quickly she had misunderstood. She knew we had to cut it down to 30-35.
<p>Posted by VioletRose519[/QUOTE]</p><p>So she did this deliberately?</p><p> </p><p>I'd be telling her that either she pays, or she calls every.single.one of them while you sit next to her and explains her mistake. </p><p> </p><p>Or (what I'd probably really do) I'd cry and run off with my FI and elope far, far away from his mother. That situation really sucks.</p>

Loopyseven

That stinks.  I think it's up to your FMIL to fix her poor judgement.

Summer2011Bride

Yeah unfortunately, it isn't the 80 peoples' fault that she screwed up. To keep on good terms with them and just b/c it's the right thing to do, they should get sent an invite. Make her do all the work though. That was really crappy of her. Also, she needs to pay for the extras she invited.

jenniferacampbell

I would have flipped out and then had an anxiety attack.  I think that the best thing to do is tell her the issue and have HER fix it.  She screwed up, not you.  You shouldn't have to clean up this mess.  There is no need for you to have to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong.  Good luck!

mctlong

Thats a bummer -

A rough start to a MIL/DIL relationship - I really hope she didn't do that intentionally to mainpulate you into inviting her guests. That would be a new low.