Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer

bluebfalo

We're thinking of having a no children wedding policy (except immediate family ie FI's nieces and nephews) and anyone nursing/bottlefeeding (<2 y.o.). 

I would like to invite my coworker's son (who I have a special bond with) to be my ringbearer, but I don't know if I should invite his brother and sister (teenagers) as well. If I don't ask my coworker's son to be a ring bearer, I wouldn't consider inviting her children. 

The flowergirls are FI nieces... so their siblings are already invited. 

My instinct is to invite the siblings....

wowand135

I'm kind of doing the same thing except that my FG is my cousin, so her sister is also my cousin. That way we are saying no kids except our own first cousins. I would just worry some people would wonder what those kids are doing there, especially if they know they are not your family. But at the same time it is a clear cut-off line (wedding party + their siblings).

thurmanpowell

I would skip the ring bearer altogether.

But you can't invite only half the kids, Imagine if you were invited to a wedding but were told you had to leave half of your kids at home?

I say invite them all.

cookie0803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:dd8b7264-8bcc-43ed-b432-1a12e196faa3">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]I would skip the ring bearer altogether. But you can't invite only half the kids, Imagine if you were invited to a wedding but were told you had to leave half of your kids at home? I say invite them all.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]



This, coming from you, is astounding.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:f953c4c6-4672-48f9-b59e-b4c731027807">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : This, coming from you, is astounding.
Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

lol, it shouldn't be. This was given as my reason for not taking kids of my list instead of strangers.

Splitting up families isn't OK in my book. BF/GF relationships are NOT on the same level as family units.

cookie0803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:a5aeb384-26eb-48da-9506-f3ad40331bc4">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : lol, it shouldn't be. This was given as my reason for not taking kids of my list instead of strangers. Splitting up families isn't OK in my book. BF/GF relationships are NOT on the same level as family units.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]



I agree with what you said in this thread, about not splitting up families, don't get me wrong. I'm not getting into the SO disagreement with you here, because you're wrong, still planning on doing it anyway, and I won't waste my time.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:a82c889c-ed81-44ca-932a-c4a399b775da">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : My word, you are less intelligent than a box of rocks.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

What about what I said was wrong?

Or do you just think being snide = being cute? (hint: it doesn't)

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:80b8dd3d-f161-424f-a572-f1ad751ce57c">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : I agree with what you said in this thread, about not splitting up families, don't get me wrong. I'm not getting into the SO disagreement with you here, because you're wrong, still planning on doing it anyway, and I won't waste my time.
Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

This is the appropriate response. I made it VERY clear from the begining that I wasn't changing my mind about that, and it wasn't the issue at hand. There would be no reason for anyone to comment on it.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:b5045d18-1b46-459f-9c83-4b236ac7b2c4">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : Oh, go shiiit in your hat. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

You are so witty!

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:a5aeb384-26eb-48da-9506-f3ad40331bc4">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : BF/GF relationships are NOT on the same level as family units.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
WTF?
What about couples that choose not to marry or can't for legal reasons? Their relationships aren't valid?


OP, I think it does depend on the situation. My bf's sister was asked to be the flower girl at a cousin's wedding. Neither him or their brother (teenagers at the time) were even invited to the wedding. Another cousin was asked to be the ring bearer and his older sister (she is older by about two years) wasn't invited. Ring bearer's mom and flower girl's mom are still annoyed about that, over ten years later. In that situation, obviously this couple didn't make the right choice.
In my family, if there was an age cut-off of 18 (or 12/13, which was more common) us kids understood if some siblings were invited and others weren't. Keep in mind, that a vast majority of us didn't have siblings, so it didn't come up often lol.

I think the bigger problem with the situation I mentioned is that it seemed like the cousin just wanted cutesy little kids for show, like human props. I'm not saying AT ALL that's what you're doing or even what that cousin was doing, but that's what the moms thought.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:d2b1ad0b-406e-4390-ae73-2915084e27e9">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : WTF? What about couples that choose not to marry or can't for legal reasons? Their relationships aren't valid? OP, I think it does depend on the situation. My bf's sister was asked to be the flower girl at a cousin's wedding. Neither him or their brother (teenagers at the time) were even invited to the wedding. Another cousin was asked to be the ring bearer and his older sister (she is older by about two years) wasn't invited. Ring bearer's mom and flower girl's mom are still annoyed about that, over ten years later. In that situation, obviously this couple didn't make the right choice. In my family, if there was an age cut-off of 18 (or 12/13, which was more common) us kids understood if some siblings were invited and others weren't. Keep in mind, that a vast majority of us didn't have siblings, so it didn't come up often lol. I think the bigger problem with the situation I mentioned is that it seemed like the cousin just wanted cutesy little kids for show, like human props. I'm not saying AT ALL that's what you're doing or even what that cousin was doing, but that's what the moms thought.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I'm not aware of any reason why a BF/GF wouldn't be allowed to marry?

But yeah, people who choose not to marry and are still committed are not on the same level as a mom and her kids.

jmayinc

My "issue", if you wanna call it that, is with the coworker. It seems a bit off if one child is the ring bearer, and the coworker is invited with a significant other, then it's like the whole family is invited EXCEPT the teenagers. But while weird that may work out since they could either be babysat or simply go to their friends for the night...which they may prefer anyways. Since you said you have a personal bond with the ring-bearer, I wouldn't see it as wanting a prop (I know that's not what simply was saying you're doing) SO I guess I'm on the side of go ahead and just not invite the teenagers..

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:2d9f77dd-657c-42ee-a5b0-58dfa3ceb359">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : I'm not aware of any reason why a BF/GF wouldn't be allowed to marry? But yeah, people who choose not to marry and are still committed are not on the same level as a mom and her kids.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
A bf/gf  would not be allowed to get married if:
One was still legally married.
Incest. (The majority of states do not allow cousins to get married)
If it were a GF/GF or BF/BF situation.


And I disagree that a couple is can not be on the same level as a "family unit." Maybe situations differ but it's up to the couple to decide that for themselves.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-for-inviting-other-siblings-of-the-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f9d08b2-914e-4ecb-8c28-9e392a18e34dPost:15c55e51-4a3b-4557-aeb6-5b1b3aa3823e">Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : A bf/gf  would not be allowed to get married if: One was still legally married. Incest. (The majority of states do not allow cousins to get married) If it were a GF/GF or BF/BF situation. And I disagree that a couple is can not be on the same level as a "family unit." Maybe situations differ but it's up to the couple to decide that for themselves.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

A GF/GF and BF/BF are, by definition, not a Bf/GF couple. That was my point.

with incest, then they ARE a family unit, regardless to their dating status.

An adultery situation doesn't forbid them from marrying, they just need to get divorced first.

bluebfalo

Thanks for the weigh in... 

There's still a lot to consider, but it sounds like the majority (including my wedding coordinator... I posted this thread before I remembered I could ask her) feel the family unit should be invited. 

Simply Fated

In Response to Re: Advice for inviting other siblings of the ring bearer : A bf/gf would not be allowed to get married if: One was still legally married. Incest. The majority of states do not allow cousins to get married If it were a GF/GF or BF/BF situation. And I disagree that a couple is can not be on the same level as a "family unit." Maybe situations differ but it's up to the couple to decide that for themselves. Posted by Simply Fated "A GF/GF and BF/BF are, by definition, not a Bf/GF couple. That was my point." What was you point? "with incest, then they ARE a family unit, regardless to their dating status." Doesn't matter. You asked why a couple couldn't get get married. I answered. "An adultery situation doesn't forbid them from marrying, they just needto get divorced first." They're forbidden until they get a divorce.