Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friends getting married around the same time as us

My fiance and I got engaged last December and have been planning our wedding for May, 2013. A few weeks ago we were present when one of his groomsman and best friends propsed to his girlfriend. At the time, our friend had brought up that he wanted to wait until after our wedding to get married, however we recently found out they were planning the wedding for only a few weeks before ours in order to accomodate 2 other friends who are teachers. 
I am trying to not be upset or feel overshadowed, but it is still rather disappointing and upsetting for both me and my fiance, especially since our friend had initially said that they wanted to wait. I am not sure that it is worth bringing up to our friends, since it is only one day (and probably wont matter in upcoming years,) but are we wrong for feeling this way? Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation?

Thanks for any help!

Re: Friends getting married around the same time as us

  • I think you will be fine.

    you might loose some people who are traveling if they cannot travel both days, but that is just something you have to deal with,.

    if a lot of your guest list is invited to that weddding as well and people are not coming to yours because of the traveling and the space is too short in between, then i would say something.
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  • Here's the thing. When you get married, you get one day. Not one month, or one season, or one year. You picked your day. They picked theirs. They're not the same day, and in fact are weeks apart. Even if they said previously that they wanted to wait, they're allowed to change their minds. So just be happy for them and if your guest lists have much overlap, be sure to send out Save the Dates to your VIPs about 6-9 months before the wedding.
  • When we got engaged we originally decided we were going to get married on January 5, 2013. Then we started planning and our families got involved and our date ended up getting moved to October 20, 2012. 

    Once you start talking to family and important friends things change. It's not a slight against you. They don't owe you any set amount of time. Your day will be just as wonderful regardless of when they get married.

  • No, nobody is obligated to plan around your wedding. You are not the center of the universerse. Everyone has their own lives, their own priorities, and their own issues. Sometimes friends can't attend each others weddings and sometimes guestlists overlap in an inconvienent way. But that's life. Grin and bear it.
  • How close to your wedding are they planning and how much an overlap in guest list is there?

    If they were getting married the weekend before you, half your guest list was the same and guests would have to travel for both weekends, then yes I understand being upset.  But generally that's only going to happen with family.  If guests have to travel for only one wedding or not at all, then it really doesn't matter if they're back to back.
  • I hate to say you're "wrong" for feeling the way you do (because you can't necessarily help how you feel), but honestly you should just get over it.  This is not a bad thing.  
  • DH & I got engaged in March 2011. We decided to plan an August 2012 wedding. My MOH got engaged in September 2011 and decided to plan a July 2012 wedding.

    She ultimately got married 3 weeks before me, and we stood as each others' MOH. It was tight making it all work financially (her husband didn't come to our wedding because he couldn't get the time off), but it all worked out in the end. And neither of us was mad at the other at any point. We shared in each others' happiness.

  • This isn't quite the same thing, but maybe will help you feel a little better about it. I announced my engagment in June and we plan on getting married on April 20, 2013. A girl that I work with (and am pretty close to) got engaged in July and plans on getting married on March 30, 2013! I was shocked that her date was so soon, but it kind of took some of  the pressure off of me. People talk to her more often about wedding plans than they do me, so I don't have to avoid that awkward conversation if they aren't being invited.. Not only that, but she is a person that I use to bounce all my silly ideas off of or whenever I'm REALLY excited about something wedding related I go to her!! She can relate and most people are already over the fact that I'm getting married, except HER! She's just as excited and willing to hear me go on and on about my centerpieces. Hehe. It can be a blessing in disguise, it just depends on how you look at it!

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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    edited September 2012
    You have the right to feel bummed out a little bit, but after all, you should be happy becuase your friends are starting their new lives as husband and wife, just like you and FI are. As an intitial reaction, its not wrong to fee that way, but you'll get over it within a day or two. But, If you KEEP feeling like they're stealing your thunder, then sorry, but you need an attitude adjustment.
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  • My college roommate got engaged a few months after me and I had already announced my date at that point. The place they wanted to get married had two dates available -- mine or two weeks before. She chose the one two weeks before. We had a lot of friends on both of our guest lists. Some came to mine, some came to hers, some came to both. It was actually nice for both of us, because at your own wedding you don't have as much time as you'd like to mix and mingle with your guest. Having similar guests at weddings two weeks apart allowed us to chat and dance and play with our friends at the other wedding. It actually worked out great!
  • I don't understand this mindset, not at all. A longtime friend of mine met her fiance on the same website as me, at the same time. We got engaged around the same time, and are getting married 3 weeks apart. Instead of joyfully planning together normally friends will get sick of wedding talk and you have to self edit, shopping together, helping each other, and sharing the wonder of the experience as sisters, she's turned hateful on me. it hurt me badly that she cared more about being a diva princess than she cared about our friendship. I'm floored by how aweful she's been. It's stupid, and mean. And I speak from experience when I say that people won't forgive you for it.
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  • PPs all have it right, that they can get married any time they want.  That is part of having a long engagement.  People's lives don't stop for you to get married.
    I will only have a 10 month engagement and 2 months into planning, good friends of ours got engaged too.  They picked the date 6 days after us.  Although it made for a tough decision by us (we ultimately pushed our honeymoon back a  week to attend), and hoping that our mutual friends would come to both, I was never upset with her.  I understood how tough it is to choose a date that works for you the couple, but also family and friends....and how much I love the fall and wanted it in October.  It's actually been really nice to have someone to bounce a few things off of. 
    So while it's ok to be bummed for the amount of time it took you to write that, there is no way their wedding is going to overshadow yours.  You and your FI are the ones that matter and will have a wonderful day...and if you have an anniversary dance, your friends will be scooting off the dance floor soon after you!  ;)

  • I wish there were a Like button for this! :)  I agree. You do get one day. It's not a they'll be excited for her on her day, you on yours.

    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b3543b-c98d-4884-b866-2f36f5b3f6c6Post:2385c1ba-7b0b-48bf-be38-b6bda1e11e3f">Re: Friends getting married around the same time as us</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's the thing. When you get married, you get one day. Not one month, or one season, or one year. You picked your day. They picked theirs. They're not the same day, and in fact are weeks apart. Even if they said previously that they wanted to wait, they're allowed to change their minds. So just be happy for them and if your guest lists have much overlap, be sure to send out Save the Dates to your VIPs about 6-9 months before the wedding.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]
  • Thanks for all the help and advice! After taking about a day to think about it, I decided it really doesn't matter when they get married. I really am happy and excited for our friends to get married. I think what bothered me the most was the fact that they were trying to plan around one other persons schedule, and not their own. It's tough even trying to plan your own schedule without worrying about the other hundred some people you are inviting. My fiancé on the other hand is still pretty upset about it, as it turns out the weekend they are looking at is the same as his already planned bachelor party. There is nothing I can personally do about it in the end so I might as well be happy for them!
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