Head Table Question

walgrrl

I just read a post in WP about a head table and it made me wonder:  Are head tables universally rude, or only if you exclude the SOs?  What I mean is, would it be ok for us to have a head table as long as we include the bfs/gfs/spouses of wedding party?  Also, does head table include ring bearer and flower girl and their parents?  What about parents of bride and groom?  Not sure yet if we'll go with head table or sweetheart, but just wondering about the proper etiquette of doing a head table.  TIA!

Sharpschruter22

Head tables are fine as long as you include SO's. FG and RB and parents as well as parents of the bride and groom are not included. They should be seated at at table close to the head table.

J&K10910

Head tables are fine if you include SOs. 

I wouldn't put the little ones there, someone needs to help them with their dinners.  Parents usually "host" their own tables. 

freebread03

In Response to Re:Head Table Question:[QUOTE]Head tables are fine as long as you include SO's. FG and RB and parents as well as parents of the bride and groom are not included. They should be seated at at table close to the head table. Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]

Sharp put this very well and very simply. Nothing wrong with a head table as long as you follow the above!

AddieCake

Not rude at all. I think a lot of people have gotten away from them b/c they can grow so much in size, depending on the size of your WP and then sometimes people have trouble with what to do if someone in the WP is single and "what if they feel all alone" surrounded by a  table full of couples. One of my bridesmaids is married and has 2 stepchildren, so we would have had to include her husband and children. Our groomsmaid and her partner would have sat with us, obviously, but then we had 2 more friends from that social circle who came from out of state who didn't know anybody else at the wedding, so we wouldn't have wanted them to be sitting alone. The size of the table kept growing and wouldn't have fit comfortably in our venue space, so we opted for a sweetheart table. 

walgrrl

Thanks for the responses!  I've figured out that if we include us, WP, plus dates/spouses/children it would be a total of 16 people, so I'm thinking we could do 2 tables of 8 people each.  Or maybe we will opt for sweetheart table and separate WP tables.  I did think it would be nice to sit with our WP, but FI and I don't care all that much, so maybe we should poll our WP and see what they prefer?  Do people usually include their WP in these decisions?

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50ebdbc4-2039-450d-b9d8-450bd72a79faPost:8601effd-a449-4ebb-8892-ef0b6df75c32">Re:Head Table Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Head tables are fine as long as you include SO's. <strong>FG and RB and parents as well as parents of the bride and groom are not included.</strong> They should be seated at at table close to the head table.
Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]

These people can be included at a head table-there's no rule of etiquette that prohibits it.

If they're not, though, it makes sense to seat them close to the head table.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50ebdbc4-2039-450d-b9d8-450bd72a79faPost:8601effd-a449-4ebb-8892-ef0b6df75c32">Re:Head Table Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Head tables are fine as long as you include SO's. FG and RB and parents as well as parents of the bride and groom are not included. They should be seated at at table close to the head table.
Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Our FG and RBs will be included, because one of their parents (in both cases) is in the wedding party. So, we had to. But I think we would have included them either way.

</div>

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50ebdbc4-2039-450d-b9d8-450bd72a79faPost:65c3757b-134c-419b-8fa9-88166e5a8fa9">Re: Head Table Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the responses!  I've figured out that if we include us, WP, plus dates/spouses/children it would be a total of 16 people, so I'm thinking we could do 2 tables of 8 people each.  Or maybe we will opt for sweetheart table and separate WP tables.  I did think it would be nice to sit with our WP, but FI and I don't care all that much, so maybe we should poll our WP and see what they prefer?  Do people usually include their WP in these decisions?
Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]


I wouldn't poll the WP about this specifically, because then I would feel more obligated to go with their opinion, KWIM? If you have one or two WP members who got married recently, or who tend to be in a lot of weddings, you might ask them one on one.

Other options include a sweetheart table for you and FI, with WP tables nearby (or just seating WP with dates at whatever tables they would enjoy anyway). Or you could sit with your MOH, best man, and their two dates, either at a head table or a regular table. Or you could sit with your siblings and their dates, or both sets of parents. Regardless, you two may not be seated for too long, so just be sure that everyone sits with their date so they can all enjoy the reception that you're hosting for them.

[Deleted User]

I think you can do it however you want as long as you don't split up couples or end up seating people in a situation that will make them uncomfortable (eg a table with all couples and one single who doesn't know anyone else). We're planning a head table that will be us, my sister/MOH, BIL, nephew, and FI's Bro/BM and SIL. Doing our whole WP would be huge, but neither of us wanted a sweetheart table, so this seemed to be a good compromise. They'll get along and have a lot to talk about (same age, have kids 2 months apart) and we really wanted to have them with us, especially.

Cackle6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50ebdbc4-2039-450d-b9d8-450bd72a79faPost:0b278e8b-09ba-4f44-b29a-8b66a90ff0bd">Re:Head Table Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Seating BOTH sides of the table with WP and dates is perfectly fine. 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This is what we ended up doing. A large rectangular harvest table with people seated on all 4 sides, and it worked out great. I liked it because we could see and talk to everyone at the table, as opposed to only being able to talk to the people on either side of us. We had 17 people at ours.</div>

Kristin789

>>Are head tables universally rude, or only if you exclude the SOs? 

No.  Head tables have been used for years.  It's a way to honor those who unplugged from their own lives and plugged into yours to stand up for you.  You can include the SO's or you can put the SO's at a nearby table.  It's only for dinner.  How long is that?  After dinner, people re-sort themselves (like some of the BMs go sit at the nearby table with their SOs, and some of the SO's go up and sit in vacated chairs at the head table) and everything is fine. 

>>Also, does head table include ring bearer and flower girl and their parents? 

No.  Children are seated in the audience with their parents.
 
/>>What about parents of bride and groom? 

Parents of the bride host Table # 1, with the bride's grandparents and the officiant and his/her spouse.
Parents of the groom host Table # 2, with the groom's grandparents, etc.

/>>Not sure yet if we'll go with head table or sweetheart

Go sweetheart.

walgrrl

Thank you so much!  So much good advice and good ideas.  I would never split up dates, because I know they will want to be their bfs/gfs/spouses/children.  I know I wouldn't mind if I was in a wedding and had to be split up from my FI, BUT I would have a lot more fun if I was with him, and I want everyone in our wedding party to have as much fun as possible because I love them.

I had actually thought of the idea of having a head table with just our siblings (MOH and BM are my sister and his brother) and their dates and I saw that one of the posters mentioned it as a possibility.  I like the idea, but I'm wondering if the rest of the wedding party will be offended to not be included in the head table.  Would it be ok to do this?  Or do we have to include all or nothing?

I also liked Stage's idea of seating people all around the head table.  This might make it easier to include everyone and make it easier for us to chat.

Right now, I'm giving this a lot of thought because I'm just getting back into planning mode after taking a break from it for the sake of getting all my Christmas stuff done.  Realistically (for those who are already married) how long did you actually spend at your table?  I'm guessing just to eat and then the rest of the night you're up mingling and dancing, right?