babies on the brain

caseylynne21

alright ladies, my MOH is amazing. she has been trying to get pregnant for three years and has recently found out that due to the husbands *spunk* she won't be able to get pregnant naturally. she is very depressed about this, which i totally understand. I am running out of positive things to tell her. she is looking into adoption and is stuggling staying positive, again understandibly.

i don't have a problem listening to her tell me about all this, i am just wondering if any of you have any advice on how i can keep her upbeat. everytime she finds out a friend is pregnant she has a total melt down and i find myself telling her the same thing over and over again...i guess i am need of new material. today i told her that her someone's baby was going to be horribly ugly with webbed feet and duck lips (not that i would wish this on anyone, just trying to get a smile). i have already tried all the tired and true lines, i am probably not the best one to talk to about babies because i have no desire to have one, so...

probably should go to the nest for this but i enjoy you ladies much more

jajph1974

Have they explored all of their options? What exactly is wrong with her husband's manjuice?

PsyDet 2155

Sad situation....I have no advice other than keep listening to her and be someone she can talk to.  Infertility is a very emotional issue for women and I'm sure she appreciates your friendship at this tough time.

caseylynne21

in vitro is too expensive...at least i think this is the reason. his *juice* doesn't pack the punch it needs too, i think he has less then an 1/8 that are actually functioning

shellydiane820

Just be there for her meltdowns, that's all you can really do.

SarahnVinny

I think you're doing all you can do for her. I am sure she appreciates the fact that she has someone to talk to. It doesnt sound like much, but having someone who listens is worth so much.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-brain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5196ec89-f49e-417b-9c9e-a65bc26c27fbPost:9ed7c2d0-a96c-46bf-910a-6e7aef919efe">Re: babies on the brain</a>:
[QUOTE]in vitro is too expensive...at least i think this is the reason. his *juice* doesn't pack the punch it needs too, i think he has less then an 1/8 that are actually functioning
Posted by caseylynne21[/QUOTE]

In Vitro is when all else fails. They can actually harvest the good sperm and manually inseminate her. It's MUCH cheaper than in vitro. Has she seen a fertility specialist?

caseylynne21

i think that she has...but in all honestly it's been 3years of baby talk and eventually all these things have kind of just blended together. i am begining to think that her husband  really doesn't want to have a kid. he hasn't been helping her at all with the adoption work and won't go to the classes for the adoption. she lives 5 hours away, they just moved for his job and she doesn't have any friends down there yet and i am worried.

Moneypenny424

I agree with PP that there are options other than in vitro, but she may have already looked into them.

It is a hard situation.  My SIL was going through this (though the issues were related to her, not my brother).  I agree that you just have to be there for the person and you never know.  They were lucky enough to be able to afford in vitro and now they have triplet daughters!

Moneypenny424

It sounds like maybe her husband isn't in to adoption.  I hope they are talking openly about all this stuff--his desires are important too.  They need to be communicating about this.

jajph1974

Wow. That's really sad. He really needs to be on the same page if they're going to make it work.

Maybe it's a male ego thing, like he feels less manly because his "boys" aren't up to par.

My husband and I have been trying for almost two years with no luck, so I totally know where your friend is coming from. I have my first appointment with a fertility specialist next week.

I really don't know what more you can do for her. Personally, whenever someone tries to comfort me it just makes me more upset. Just be there to listen to her when she needs to talk.

SarahnVinny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-brain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5196ec89-f49e-417b-9c9e-a65bc26c27fbPost:24548f2a-4de2-4420-85f1-c51860af587a">Re: babies on the brain</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that she has...but in all honestly it's been 3years of baby talk and eventually all these things have kind of just blended together. i am begining to think that her husband  really doesn't want to have a kid. he hasn't been helping her at all with the adoption work and won't go to the classes for the adoption. she lives 5 hours away, they just moved for his job and she doesn't have any friends down there yet and i am worried.
Posted by caseylynne21[/QUOTE]

If this is the case, then your friendship is even more valuable then you think. Just continue to be there for her when she needs to talk.

caseylynne21

thanks ladies. i hope they are too...she is the most amazing girl and it's driving me crazy that all i can do is say hang tight, it will get  better, you will get your baby...

SarahnVinny

jajph, good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

notquiteblushing

That's really sad and it makes it even worse that her husband isn't on board.  Just try to be a shouler to lean on for her.

katiewhompus

It's definitely a sucky position to be in and I know I'm getting sick of the "it will happen when it's meant to happen" line.
I would say just keep trying to make her smile and laugh and do a lot of things (when you see her) or talk about a lot of things that are not baby related. Heck, even talk about all the things that she can do because she doesn't have a baby, like take vacations or sleep in, etc.

And it is a little disturbing that her husband doesn't seem to be on the same boat. Adoption can take a long time to get processed/accepted and both parents need to be on board.

brimcleod

My mom tried for years to have kids, and finally ended up adopting me. I know it was hard for them, but she always tells me that she's glad that she has me and everything. I also know a lady I went to church with & she did my hair...she wasn't married, but she wanted a baby, so she ended up adopting. She's very happy with her baby. So adoption is pretty awesome, in my opinion. =]

caseylynne21

yeah that is what i am worried about...i have been telling her that line of your's katiewhompus and it's to the point where i don't think i can anymore. do distractions actually help?

p.s. i really wish all you ladies the best of luck in this area, no one should have to deal with this. i can't imagine how hard this is...

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-brain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5196ec89-f49e-417b-9c9e-a65bc26c27fbPost:24548f2a-4de2-4420-85f1-c51860af587a">Re: babies on the brain</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that she has...but in all honestly it's been 3years of baby talk and eventually all these things have kind of just blended together. i am begining to think that her husband  really doesn't want to have a kid. he hasn't been helping her at all with the adoption work and won't go to the classes for the adoption. she lives 5 hours away, they just moved for his job and she doesn't have any friends down there yet and i am worried.
Posted by caseylynne21[/QUOTE]

This is more worrysome to me than anything else.  They really need to be on the same page.

And I agree that the best thing to do is to be there for her to listen and support her.

caseylynne21

thanks ladies. i really appreciate all the advice!

katiewhompus

I know I enjoy distractions. It's really easy to drive yourself crazy and start blaming yourself for not getting pregnant. Her husband could also be going through this right now since he's been shown to be part of the problem.
If I didn't have my weight loss program to keep my mind off it I would have been batty by now.