So I need some advice about how to handle FMIL and her boatload of crazy.
First off this woman used to like me when FI and I first started dating 5 years ago, but about 1 1/2 years into our relationship she changed her mind and now picks apart everything I do. Like me not waving to her when picking up FI(I looked her in the eye and smiled), or taking any and all sarcasm seriously. But those are small things compared to what has been going on for the past few months.
The last time I saw her I was with my mother picking up my son from a weekend at FMIL's house. Everything seemed to be going well, until my mom and I were packing Joe into his car seat. We were joking around, laughing and whatnot, but when I turned to wave a last goodbye to FMIL she was giving me the weirdest look. Fast foreward to a week later, she called my FI to tell him that she saw me yelling at my mom. 1) I would NEVER yell at my mom 2) FI knows I would never yell at anyone esp. my mom. He told her that he was pretty sure I would do no such thing and she asked him if "this is the type of woman you want to marry?".
FI and I currently live in SC, but are moving back to CA at the end of the month. We are going to be staying at FMIL's because she has an in-law unit with a working kitchen and everything. FI and I were discussing bringing my car back with us, it's a bit banged up after getting into an accident but runs fine. FMIL is dead set against me bringing it with us and found a car on craigslist similar to mine and started talking to the owner without discussing with me first(or ever really she only talked to FI). FI told her it is my car and thus my decision, end of discussion. Next day she calls and says that his Aunt will only give his money from his trust to cover his car not mine(he was going to pay for my car because while right now he's the breadwinner, as soon as we're in CA he's going back to school and I already have a job lined up to support us). The thing is that his mom is NEVER the go-between for his Aunt and him, so FI found it very shady. And now I have to sell my car that I love and that I spent tons of money on getting the whole engine redone a few years ago, but the point is moot now because it's all banged up from the accident.
Other things she's done are buy a toddler bed for my son without talking to us first(which was nice, but I think she should have consulted us about moving our son from a crib to a bed, he's not yet 2). And how she is going to store her pool towels in the already tiny in-law unit where we will be staying, which she told us she wants us to feel like is "our own space", how can we do that if you are going to be walking in at any point during the day to get towels? She also acts like she knows how to raise my son better than I do and that if I'm not cooking "diet food" I'm not taking care of my family. I cook good, balanced meals, but because they aren't under 300 calories it's "unhealthy".
I'm grateful that she is letting us stay with her, but I don't want to feel that I need to be on the defensive all the time and watch every tiny thing I do whenever I'm around her. How would you handle the situation? And do you have any advice?
Thank you so much for reading this, I just realized how much I wrote, so I suppose this was also something of a vent.