Question about second wedding

+Becca+

My boyfriend and I are talking seriously about marriage. This will be my second wedding (I was one of those love-stuck teenagers who just felt she HAD to get married at 18...). My first wedding was actually really big and elaborate.

I know that generally second weddings aren't nearly as fancy, but this would be my boyfriends first (and hopefully only!) wedding, and I don't want him to suffer or not experience the entire wedding experience because of me.

Is it okay/proper to plan and make the second wedding just as big/fancy? Or should I not expect my family/friends to take this one as seriously since it's my second? I almost hate to ask anyone to be a member of the bridal party because they bought dresses for my first wedding - so I hate to even ask for them to do it again. Thoughts?

Avion22

It's DEFINITELY okay to plan a second wedding the same way you would plan a first wedding.   

I am also having a second wedding (my fiance's first), and I'm going all out.   However, my first wedding was really small.    I think most second-time brides try to do things differently than they did the first time around so there aren't too many similarities, but that doesn't mean that you can't (or shouldn't) have a big wedding.  

As far as members of the BP, this is something you should discuss with the people you want to ask.  If they are still close to you, then there's no reason you shouldn't ask them again. If you feel bad about asking them to buy another dress, then maybe you could offer to pay for their dresses this time, or give them the option to wear a dress they already own (I'm just asking my BMs to wear any black cocktail dress).  If they are still special to you, don't let the dress thing deter you from asking them to stand up for you again.

My advice would be to plan the wedding that the TWO OF YOU want, invite who you want, and not worry about what other people think:-)   

Also, there is a "Second Weddings" board under Special Topics Wedding Boards on the left, so stop on by!

Grits8812

Your wedding can be whatever you want!  Just because you have been married once doesn't mean that it isn't a special day for you two.

Simply Fated

Regardless of people's feelings on second weddings, it's still his first. And, more importantly, it's your first together. So it isn't any less special and this wedding shouldn't have to take a back seat to your first wedding.

cebrady89

Go all out! It's still your wedding day and it's going to be special no matter if it's your first or second marriage. 

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-second-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51f9954d-484b-48aa-be43-fa60295c4faaPost:52b6d093-8015-42c3-b832-0f5182a7af04">Re: Question about second wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Regardless of people's feelings on second weddings,<strong> it's still his first. And, more importantly, it's your first together</strong>. So it isn't any less special and this wedding shouldn't have to take a back seat to your first wedding.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>This right here, i do not get why people think that second weddings are less important. </div>

ski2play

Ditto to all of the above!  Happy Planning.

I am in the same camp as you.  My second, FI first. 

MyUserName1

This is my second wedding and Darth Fi's first as well.

I'm not planning any differently because it's my second except leaving just about everyone who was invited to the first and whom I haven't seen since then off the guest list. 

PinkRoseAcct

Another "my second, his first".  My first wedding was a tiny affair - we called our parents on a Friday, asking if they could be at the church on Wednesday evening.  No huge deal - I wore a dress I already owned, and we went out to dinner after.  This time, big wedding, but not totally fancy - we are spending $10K on 80 people for an afternoon affair.  Making it simple, family focused.

You should have what you want for your wedding.  My only holdback is that if you had the big fancy wedding the first time, guests may not want to shell out for a second gift, if they are old-school.  I know this has happened in my family several times.  But, the wedding isn't about gifts - it's about celebrating your committment to your FI.

2012FutureMrsB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-guest-list-chooses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:548502f0-508f-4ef3-a012-3913f20c99d7Post:db43604e-7e66-44ee-a015-11dfa2c7a7f7">Re: rehearsal guest list - who chooses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, so your FI is paying, but you are not?  I'm still baffled by that.  Wouldn't you be paying together?
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Not if they haven't joined their accounts. My FI and I still live separately and we have totally separate bills. For the wedding, we have a list of who is paying for what.