How to Un-Invite after sending Save the Date

emilysherman06

Ok here's the issue - we have a maximum of 150 allowed at our venue.

At the time of sending the save the date cards, we had a list of 110. Among those who received STDs were 5 of my really close work friends and my boss (who has been talking nonstop about how excited she is to go to the wedding). 

Then my parents, and his parents, decide to start informally inviting more of our extended family by promising them that they will receive an invite from us (without asking us first). Both MOB and FMIL are guilty of doing this to us. Now we have a current list of 163!!! 

Now I know that not everyone is going to show up, and that's fine, whatever. But it still makes me really nervous that we are inviting 13 extra people than the max allowed and our venue has clearly stated that they don't make exceptions to this 150 max. 

Aside from the fact that I now have to add all these extra things to accommodate a larger guest list (more favors, more catering, more menus, more programs, etc etc), I really don't want to tell my work crew that I can't invite them. I would feel terrible. I'd rather not invite a few annoying aunts and cousins than the people who I am really good friends with, but I would cause a family uproar if I didn't invite some of these people. I have no one else who I can really cut or my fiance can cut from the list.

HELP!!

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-un-invite-after-sending-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52565d35-133d-4dc6-b2bf-6686c8990753Post:3c1445fe-bfb6-41d3-b6c6-89c81cd3ab78">Re:How to UnInvite after sending Save the Date</a>:
[QUOTE]You absolutely should not uninvited your boss and coworkers. Aside from it being very rude to do that, it could impact your job and workplace relations. Your mothers are in the wrong, and they need to explain to the people THEY invited without permission that they were mistaken.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


This exactly...

[Deleted User]

For now make the informal invites you B list people & hopefully you get enough declines that you can invite them. One suggestion is if you had planned to do any +1 invites you can change it to just them. What I'm doing is if the guest isn't going to really know anyone at the wedding I put and guest on invite, I want to them to have someone they know to talk to & dance with.. But then I have a group of friends who are single who we do lots of stuff together. Since they will take a whole table as it is, it won't be a big deal for them not to bring dates because they would hang out with each other anyways. So on their invites, it was just them.

crash2729

In Response to Re:How to UnInvite after sending Save the Date:[QUOTE]For now make the informal invites you B list people amp; hopefully you get enough declines that you can invite them. One suggestion is if you had planned to do any 1 invites you can change it to just them. What I'm doing is if the guest isn't going to really know anyone at the wedding I put and guest on invite, I want to them to have someone they know to talk to amp; dance with.. But then I have a group of friends who are single who we do lots of stuff together. Since they will take a whole table as it is, it won't be a big deal for them not to bring dates because they would hang out with each other anyways. So on their invites, it was just them. Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]
Don't make a B list.
If you really want, tell you Mom and FMIL to pick the top 20 people that they've verbally invited. That will put you at 150.
If you don't want to tell your mom and FMIL that these people won't be getting invites, so they can let them know.

Gatorsgirl731

I am sure you are thinking uninviting work friends will be easier than causing family drama, but PP's are right it would be extremely rude.  And as someone already said could impact your job.  Your boss is excited, and if it is a close work group others probably are too.  Think of it this way, if you had an Aunt or Cousin who you spent 40 hrs a week with would you uninvite them?  You need to speak to both moms and inlist the help of FI.  They need to stop doing this pronto, and they need to let the ppl who they invited that they were incorrect in thier assumptions.  On a side note, anyone who does not receive a formal invite in the mail should know that they were not invited.  At least I would hope so.

banana468

How about saying, "Mom, I love you but you extended invitations that you shouldn't have.  You'll need to tell these people that we're not sending invitations."

Mom created the mess.   Hand her a mop and tell her to clean it up.

Maggie0829

I didn't even read your post because I don't have to, your title is enough for me to tell you that you cannot un-invite people after you have sent STDs.  An STD is a informal invite so you have invited your entire guest list if you sent everyone a STD.

And for the poster who mentioned a B list, just ignore that because B lists are rude and people know when they have been B listed.

PhoneCardLady

This is one of the reasons why I am NOT sending, let alone purchasing STD's.  They are just another ploy to drain money out of you.....

ericaandtom2012

Uninviting your work friends that received a STD would cause you far more strife than telling your mothers that they should not have extended verbal invitations to extended family without telling you.  You have to work with these people and often times, the professional world is a very small one.  Uninviting people is a friendship ending move and when it's coworkers, it could have future ramifications if you attempt to get a job in the same field. (It's also extremely rude).  The mothers should rescind the verbal informal invitations that they offered and take the blame for it. You don't have to invite those people, you do have to invite your coworkers.

TaraKeeley

Don't uninvite anyone who received a save the day unless they recently ran over your dog on purpose. Don't unvited your boss or coworkers unless you want to create awkwardness and resentment in the workplace. Tell you parents that, sorry, 150 is the max, and these people who didn't get S-t-Ds will not be invited. Since they verbally invited them, they can deal with the aftermath of their hasty actions.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-un-invite-after-sending-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52565d35-133d-4dc6-b2bf-6686c8990753Post:3c1445fe-bfb6-41d3-b6c6-89c81cd3ab78">Re:How to UnInvite after sending Save the Date</a>:
[QUOTE]You absolutely should not uninvited your boss and coworkers. Aside from it being very rude to do that, it could impact your job and workplace relations. Your mothers are in the wrong, and they need to explain to the people THEY invited without permission that they were mistaken.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Exactly this.

mbrischoux

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-un-invite-after-sending-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52565d35-133d-4dc6-b2bf-6686c8990753Post:445b425e-3b30-4a81-9104-ab2ede82639a">Re: How to Un-Invite after sending Save the Date</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one of the reasons why I am NOT sending, let alone purchasing STD's.  They are just another ploy to drain money out of you.....
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

This was my thinking, too.

However, whoever created the mess has to clean it up, and that responsibilty falls to your folks.  If it helps you feel any better, my husband's grandmother tried doing this, and my husband put a stop to it right away.

amyelise25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-un-invite-after-sending-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52565d35-133d-4dc6-b2bf-6686c8990753Post:445b425e-3b30-4a81-9104-ab2ede82639a">Re: How to Un-Invite after sending Save the Date</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one of the reasons why I am NOT sending, let alone purchasing STD's.  They are just another ploy to drain money out of you.....
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

The small amount I paid to purchase STD's to communicate with the 75% of my guest traveling from OOT was invaluable.  STD's have their place.