It's Facebook Official.

shellydiane820

congrats to you and jason schwartzman

I'm happy for you boo!

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:c0dbc2ed-725d-45d2-abf7-0785c3663dc7">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]huh. so i guess its just me that thinks its really odd that you a. <strong>have not only been lying about being together, but also lied about getting married to the majority of people he interacts with on a daily basis, on top of avoiding people you went to school with</strong>, (yeah yeah, i get it, you were his TA, and thats illegal in 45 states or something.) and b. Only admitted it publicly because someone else spilled the beans and forced your hand. No? Still just me? Ok then. Carry on with being happy you can admit via FB you are married, finally.
Posted by AlmondWhittle[/QUOTE]

Just for the record, assuming we are using the standard text-book definition of "lying" here, we did not lie. Lying would indicate someone had asked us about being together, and one of us saying "no." We didn't lie, we just didn't offer information about our relationship to anyone at that school.

And, I never avoided people I went to school with. It's really hard to avoid people like that, ya know, when you have to attend classes with them in order to obtain a degree---and once I obtained said degree, I moved on to the next one at a different university---so, no avoiding going on on my part individually. As a couple? Sure, we made sure not to walk into a class hand-in-hand, and I didn't go to faculty functions with him. But individually? Neither of us avoided anyone---he still went out with his coworkers, and I went out with my fellow students.

Is it odd? Yes. I'd be the first to agree with you.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:979b0536-dbb1-486b-b708-d773d6f50b18">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]Dammit.  Of course this pops up while I'm asleep, BUT...  This is the biggest load of shiit I've ever heard, and how no one else here can think, "Hey man, that's insanely controlling and fucking weird!" is ridiculous.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Amoro- how is it controlling?  It's not like Dion locked Rach in a closet and wouldn't allow her to talk about their relationship.  It sounds more like they just chose to keep it under wraps- and frankly, it was nobody else's business anyway.

JanoBean75

Congrats Rach!

I have to agree w/ the others about your sig pic -- it's gorgeous.

pinkpinot

I think Rach & Rich are incredibly smart to keep their relationship 'theirs' and not offer it up for faculty & students to judge.  If you have never been in that situation you cannot understand it.  I dated an executive at my previous company for 2+ years and I found myself in the exact situation.  He did not want to lose his job & I did not want to be judged by my co-workers who might think, 'oh she is getting special treatment & favors' which I was not.  Therefore we tried to not offer up the details or the fact we were dating with our co-workers.   I never considered my co-workers to be close friends or family, neither did he.  I don't care who my co-workers date, divorce, pork or meet for lunch.  It does not lessen the value of their relationship because people at the work place aren't up to date on the mating habits of their fellow cube dwellers. 

I wish I had remained silent on my relationship for as long as Rach did.  I told ONE girl at work, who I thought I was actually becoming close friends with (huge mistake) and she made my life a living HELL.  Around the time I told her, my BF was transferred to a different division in the company and we no longer worked side by side or even in the same state, which is why I thought it was harmless to mention it.  NOPE.  I was wrong.  People can be petty, rude &  judgmental when it comes to work place dating.  I know this first hand.  Rach saved herself a HUGE headache by staying mum.  This co-worker of mine went so far as to call the corporate office to complain.  She sat down & had face to face meetings with every manager/executive she could get her hands on.  

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:9e4c6d13-f50d-402c-b63d-d2d24bd040d6">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's Facebook Official. : Seriously?  With all the background we've gotten on him, you think it's NOT controlling?  I'm not saying shout it from the rooftops, I'm saying, once you were no longer working together, YTF would it matter who knew?  It's just stupid, and acts as though there's something that needs to be hidden there.  I mean, the way it's been done is disagreeable and kind of slimey.  Lies of ommission are still lies.  Hiding your relationship when there was no serious reason to do so seems controlling, <strong>and it sure as hell wasn't Rach's idea,</strong> so yeah.  Controlling.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

<div>It wasn't? How the hell would you know.</div><div>
</div><div>STFU Amoro. </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:95de2123-9385-4cb1-8712-4868f02a9d5b">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of remember the backstory, but I was under the impression that after you got married, it was okay to tell everyone you were married.  I don't get why it had to remain a secret after that point.  If this girl hadn't come around and said something, how much longer would you have waited - indefinitely?
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

I know the back story, but I thought it was already out in the open? Even before the wedding. I guess I misunderstood that part.

I've never been able to see any of my grad professors in that way. But then, my advisor is 42. :-) Whatever floats your boat. Congrats, Rach. I'm glad this is a relief for you. (It would be to me, I'm sure. I have trouble keeping secrets - about myself. I'll keep other people's secrets.)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:2d47c21c-60cf-413e-912d-5db4a097eb36">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]Congrats! PS. My DH was my TA when we met as well.
Posted by navybaby1113[/QUOTE]

You know she wasn't a student and he wasn't the TA, right? SHE was a TA and he was the professor she was working for. A little different IMO, but again, whatever.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:2d7a1f36-7289-44f4-8f34-e85bdf7b6ebd">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]Do I think it's a little strange just cause I can't imagine keeping it secret that long/keeping it a secret after getting married? Yes. But am I happy for you that it's all worked out better than you expected? Also yes. Congrats on becoming FBO! <strong>DH wasn't my TA when we met...he just told me he was. Apparently he was joking, but jokes don't translate so well when you're still learning the language, so for a good two weeks I thought the reason he rarely came to class was that he was my TA. Nope, just a slacker.</strong>
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

That's actually pretty funny! I guess you forgave him then. :)

Carebear517

You say you never avoided anyone but I remember a story about one of Rich's coworkers being at your house when you got home and you couldn't even go in because no one knew about it. So I would say that's avoiding.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:b4dec321-bcec-4be8-b6ed-96342d78f11f">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]You say you never avoided anyone but I remember a story about one of Rich's coworkers being at your house when you got home and you couldn't even go in because no one knew about it. So I would say that's avoiding.
Posted by Carebear517[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you ever post in threads that aren't about my relationship? You seem to have a unique interest in what I do.</div><div>
</div><div>And please <span style="text-decoration:underline;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong>read</strong></span>. I said I never avoided my fellow students---and he never avoided he fellow coworkers, but that TOGETHER <strong>we</strong> did our fair share of avoiding those awkward situations. </div><div>
</div><div>And? I could have gone in my house at that time. I chose not to---it was a weird situation for me at that time; I was unsure how to handle it. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-facebook-official?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:528e110b-e347-45af-9e0e-53756c6badffPost:edbbae65-995a-44f2-923f-46f23f949a5c">Re: It's Facebook Official.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's Facebook Official. : On the one hand, yay.  I'm happy for you that you don't have to keep this a secret anymore. On the other hand, it's about dam.n time.<strong> If there was nothing to be ashamed of, then I wouldn't have felt comfortable acting as if there was by keeping the relationship (then engagement, then marriage) a secret.</strong>  I also think that the reception your news is getting is only further proof that you didn't need to keep it secret for so long anyways, and your feeling happy about it is proof that you must have felt somewhat stifled before not to be able to tell people about it. I think you need more blabbermouth friends.
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

We weren't ashamed, and our relationship wasn't shameful to us. What pushed us down the path we took was 1.) the university rules against our relationship, and 2.) the stigma attached to that relationship (i.e. student/professor) in our own department. A lot of the faculty are very boisterous in regards to voicing their opinions regarding another faculty member that was in a similar relationship with a student. So, to hear them badmouth that person/that person's now-wife, we could only assume they wouldn't be very welcoming of the relationship--so, we chose not to advertise it. Based on the climate in the department regarding faculty/student relationships--we made a decision. We now know they are happy for us, but it wasn't worth the risk of his job at the time.

Hind-sight is 20-20, no?

goheels05

Well, I'm just glad you're moving to NC.    I hope Rich loves EU.  It's a great school.

Do you know what you want to do when you move?  More school?  Teach?