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Wedding Etiquette Forum

MOH OPTS OUT 8 MOS OUT-THOUGHTS?

I am asking this on behalf of my daughter, who is taking the GRE in a week and going to school FT.  We have not heard of this happening, and your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
 
Daughter and boyfriend were asked by his best friend and fiance's  to be MOH and BM at their wedding in May.  Daughter felt akward b/c she had only known this girl for three mos and soon found out it was b/c she has no friends/only child and her fiance is an only child so it is not like she can ask future SILS.  Two other attendants are 15 yo cousins.  Daughter said she was happy to do, but please understand she is in her sr year of college and her graduation is weekend before the  Friday night wedding, and she lives about two hrs from where this wedding is.  She is able to come to area about every four weeks.  Friend and his fiance said this is fine. 

Daughter also asked if  dresses could be selected this summer, since it is hard for her to spare the 4 hr roundtrip drive during school year.  Bride said fine, we will go shopping , I will get in touch, she never did, picked out dress, and daughter said whatever.  Dress is at David's Bridal, which daughter was told it only has to be ordered by end of Feb to be in in time.  Daughter is paying 100% of dress.  Due to sizing, dress must have a minimum of $50 in alteration (dress is $139) and bride has decided to "Spruce up the dress" and add over $50 in extras, which she expects BM to pay for.  Dress is now over $250.

Bride, who has not returned phone or FB messages by daughter for two months, called Sun and told daughter dress has to be ordered this weekend so all alterations can be made.  Daughter, who just paid over $4000 in tuition, repeated what DB told her.  Bride said, no you must order now (dress is not being discontinued_  and then stated that she has  reconnected with old friend who she has asked to be MOH.  She then makes comment that "This will be the most awesome day and we want you included but if you feel you will be too busy with school, we understand."  So daughter, said "That's fine. I hope you understand why I have decided not to be in your wedding."  Bride was shocked by this and became very upset since this will be "the most awesome day in daughter's life (seriously?)." 

Daughter feels that she was replaced and has not been included and the convo about ordering the dress THIS weekend was the start of Bridezilla.  Her boyfriend is still BM and Bride feels her pretty princess day is paramount in everyone's life.  Bride also informed daughter that her gift to the girls is buying the shoes, from Payless when they go BOGO free.  She also stated she expected her side to have manicure, pedicure and hair styled for wedding AT THEIR EXPENSE by salon she selects.    Daughter has a two year MS program ahead of her and her goal is to make it all the way through without student loans so she is thrifty and plans ahead for special occassions/ purchases.  She is estimating this wedding will cost her and her boyfriend over  $650 for this most  awesome day.

Daughter has been told Bride has contacted both her future MIL and her mother and BM's mom to see what she needs to do to get my daughter back in the wedding.  I feel that my daughter just needs to just go as a guest because this behavior will likely not improve as the  wedding gets closer.  Her boyfriend is fine with her not being in wedding.  What are your thoughts? 

Re: MOH OPTS OUT 8 MOS OUT-THOUGHTS?

  • I'd back out and stay out.  And I'd just say that the costs have added up to an unmanageable point and leave it at that.
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  • She's already opted out, she should just leave well enough alone. If the bride brings it up again, she should just reiterate that cost and time is an issue and now that's she's been thinking about it she just can't do it, but would love to attend as a guest.

    Yeah, if I was her I would just remain a guest and leave it at that.
  • Yep, listen to squirrly. 

  • Ditto Squirrly.  Sounds like opting out was a great idea.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I can't get over a $250 bridesmaid dress from David's Bridal.  Can't you get a wedding dress at David's Bridal for $99? 
  • Opting out was a GIFT to your daughter.  If asked again, she can just explain that the costs to be a part of the wedding and the timing make it impossible to be a part of the wedding party, but that she is looking forward to being a guest on her most awesome day.

    Wink
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-opts-out-8-mos-out-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52ba8dda-1df3-4293-82f0-fac7f075d30cPost:8eb02162-334a-4355-927d-762781a2f558">Re: MOH OPTS OUT 8 MOS OUT-THOUGHTS?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't get over a $250 bridesmaid dress from David's Bridal.  Can't you get a wedding dress at David's Bridal for $99? 
    Posted by fangsiting[/QUOTE]

    I'm guessing the bride insisted that DB does the alterations as well.  I've purchased BM dresses from DB before but have refused to ever get them altered there because they want your arm, leg and a urine sample in order to do so.  I also found out that DB's policy on giving BMs a discount on their dresses if the bride purchases her gown there only lasts so long, so that may be the reason the bride wants the dress ordered right now.

    OP- your daughter made the right choice by backing out.  Tell her to stick to her guns and don't let the bride talk her into anything she's not comfortable doing.
  • Your daughter should drop out of the wedding.  Sorry, that's stupid
  • Thank you all so much for your input.  My daughter and I greatly appreciate it!

    She has decided to go as a guest and will stick to this decision.

    It is unbelievable this bride has selected a dress and is basicly building a new dress with the alterations.  I guess since the aunts/uncles of the young bridesmaids either don't care or just have not added it all up yet.  The bride, ironicly, did purchase her gown at DB for $99 and it did not need any alterations. 

    I also told DD that this is how not  to act and treat your bridal party so it has turned out to be quite a learning experience!!

    Thanks again!
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