How long is a wedding ceremony?

[Deleted User]

This past weekend I attended a wedding of a family member and their ceremony was a 2 hour long Catholic mass all in Latin.  I knew it was going to be a Catholic mass, but this just seems really long to me. 

I've been to an Indian wedding which has a 3-4 hour long ceremony, but you really weren't expected to sit through the entire ceremony as they had refreshments in the lobby for you.  So everyone kind of just went in and out as they pleased.

Is there an amount of time that it too long to expect your guests to sit through?  Or no?

theelusive1

I think that they told you what culture the wedding was in so you knew it would be longer than the usual JP vows.
My daughter is having a Catholic wedding 1 hour 15 min at the most.  Depending on how many take communion.

Maggie0829

Well not counting those weddings who follow traditions, such as traditional Catholic mass weddings, traditional Indian weddings, etc since they aren't long due to the officiant just feeling like drawing it out but because they follow traditional prayers and such, I feel that anything over 30 minutes is too long.

I have been to ceremonies where the bride and groom had 5 different readings and 3 different songs sang by family members or friends.  I understand wanting to include everyone but it was just ridiculous.

[Deleted User]

And to clarify, the Indian wedding was fine to me because of the fact that they didn't expect us to sit there for the entire 3-4 hours.

But I guess you are right.  I'll just keep that in mind for the future and just remember that I don't have to go.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:a5f613dd-2d32-47f0-aae0-76f69e8413c0">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well not counting those weddings who follow traditions, such as traditional Catholic mass weddings, traditional Indian weddings, etc since they aren't long due to the officiant just feeling like drawing it out but because they follow traditional prayers and such, I feel that anything over 30 minutes is too long. <strong>I have been to ceremonies where the bride and groom had 5 different readings and 3 different songs sang by family members or friends.  I understand wanting to include everyone but it was just ridiculous.
</strong>Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]


I agree with all of this, especially the bolded.   I have been to weddings where the wedding party was almost bigger than the number of guests.  it took forever to get everyone down the aisle, and then there were songs, readings, even a speech by the father of the bride at one wedding I went to.  Keep that crap for the reception.   If you are doing something out of religious culture or tradition that will lengthen the ceremony, then fine. 

But, if you are having a basic ceremony, everyone doesn't have to have a "role".   It's ok to just let the "role" be "guest" for almost everyone.

kmmssg

This is going to sound so cold and I really don't mean it to, I really am putting this out there with a great deal of respect:  It would be more than enough for me to sit through a long Catholic wedding Mass.  Done it a few times as part of DH's family is Catholic and I knew the deal when my nephew got married last year.

I would hate sitting through a 2 hour mass in a language I don't understand.  It is okay, you can send me straight to Hell, but OMG that would just take my excitement out of the day.  I love going to weddings, but gosh that would have turned into a very long 2 hours for me.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:03e085c7-e1f8-4b28-9c66-030ce0db3b73">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound so cold and I really don't mean it to, I really am putting this out there with a great deal of respect:  It would be more than enough for me to sit through a long Catholic wedding Mass.  Done it a few times as part of DH's family is Catholic and I knew the deal when my nephew got married last year. I would hate sitting through a 2 hour mass in a language I don't understand.  <strong>It is okay, you can send me straight to Hell</strong>, but OMG that would just take my excitement out of the day.  I love going to weddings, but gosh that would have turned into a very long 2 hours for me.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Then I guess I will be joining you because if I got to the ceremony and then found out that it would be in a different language plus it was going to be 2 hours long I would be whipping out my iPhone and playing angry birds the whole time.  I can feel myself burning now!

wrigleyville

If it's a Catholic wedding, I automatically plan on 1.5 - 2 hours. Catholicism and other religions that have long ceremonies get a pass because that's how their ceremony is done and has been done for hundreds/thousands of years. I'm not going to fault a couple for having a full Catholic Mass since Marriage is one of the Sacraments. I don't like sitting there for that long, but I do so out of respect for the couple's religion.

For a non-denominational wedding, I get a bit irritated if it drags out over thirty minutes. I've been to a couple that had numerous readers, singers, and soloists, and it just felt like overkill. Everyone was shifting in their seats after a bit. The only time a wedding should approach an hour is if it's a religious ceremony, as stated above.

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:03e085c7-e1f8-4b28-9c66-030ce0db3b73">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound so cold and I really don't mean it to, I really am putting this out there with a great deal of respect:  It would be more than enough for me to sit through a long Catholic wedding Mass.  Done it a few times as part of DH's family is Catholic and I knew the deal when my nephew got married last year.<strong> I would hate sitting through a 2 hour mass in a language I don't understand.</strong>  It is okay, you can send me straight to Hell, but OMG that would just take my excitement out of the day.  I love going to weddings, but gosh that would have turned into a very long 2 hours for me.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I was raised Catholic and I completely agree with this - and you shouldn't feel bad!  That was one of the main changes that came out of Vatican II in the 1960's - that masses wouldn't have to be exclusively in Latin anymore.  I'm not sure what the rationale would be these days for someone to hold a wedding mass in Latin......but I would definitely be annoyed if I ended up at that ceremony!

[Deleted User]

I've been to a ton of Catholic mass weddings and most of them have been around 45 minutes.  I guess I was just really surprised and obviously bored because I couldn't understand a thing.

I guess I was also put off by the fact that it was a semi-outdoor wedding (under a tent) in Pennsylvania in the middle of October.  We all wore jackets while eating dinner.

It was a long day.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:5894db64-dd94-4ba6-b736-47c167c9d870">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : Then I guess I will be joining you because if I got to the ceremony and then found out that it would be in a different language plus it was going to be 2 hours long I would be whipping out my iPhone and playing angry birds the whole time.  I can feel myself burning now!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I can understand being bored/irritated by a ceremony in Latin, but I would like to clarify that even Latin masses have the readings, psalms, and homily in English.  And the marriage vows would be in English too.  These are the most important parts... so you would understand them.

The Latin is mostly the prayers, and some of the hymns.  Just sayin'.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:5894db64-dd94-4ba6-b736-47c167c9d870">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : <strong>Then I guess I will be joining you </strong>because if I got to the ceremony and then found out that it would be in a different language plus it was going to be 2 hours long I would be whipping out my iPhone and playing angry birds the whole time.  I can feel myself burning now!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>well, at least I will be in good company.  We could talk about NYU girl and black MOB dresses while we are there.

</div>

arendiva

For me the length I'm willing to tolerate is directly porportional to how much I'm able to sit. If I can sit the whole time I can deal with an hour +. If it's and up down up down 45 tops. if I have to stand the whole time I'm biting at the chomp after like 20 minutes. I do not enjoy standing in heels.

[Deleted User]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who found this to be a little off putting.

banana468

I think it may also depend on the couple.

Ex: DH and I are in large Catholic families.   They know to expect an hour long ceremony.

When his cousin decided to have a Catholic Mass in the long form for his wedding, we knew that it was going to be long.   If they opted for something long to be cool and not meaningful, I think we'd feel differently.

Loopyseven

Wow, 2 hours is long, even for a Catholic mass.  And to be in latin... oof.  

I'd expect an hour 15 minutes max for a Catholic mass.  30 minutes max for a simple non church affiliated ceremony.  Anything cultural or whatever, I have no expectations.

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:a352ca60-af3d-46df-8cc2-02f8efa6b668">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : well, at least I will be in good company.  We could talk about NYU girl and black MOB dresses while we are there.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>HA! Ahhh, I will be there, too. </div>

Peledreamsofrain

I would refuse a ceremony that long if I was the bride. I almost passed out up there and our ceremony was 18 minutes. Just don't have that kind of stamina for standing/kneeling/being stared at in a ginormous dress.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:c2a935f7-0378-4546-9a19-bdf6f76d96ba">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : HA! Ahhh, I will be there, too. 
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

<div>so that would save me from asking, "Willy!! Where the Hell have you been?", right?</div>

lyndausvi

kmmssg - I would be right there with you.  

I'm even a "non-practicing" Catholic. I've attended masses all over the world, so not knowing the language would not bother me.  As a Catholic I could figure out where I was.  2 Hours?  My self-diagnosed ADD kicks in about 30 minutes in.  2 hours would kill me.

On another note - I'm surprised at a 2 hours under a tent Catholic Mass, in Latin none the less.  Those are NOT common at all.  

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:79aa23c3-c372-451b-ad91-2fc1e3e00319">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : so that would save me from asking, "Willy!! Where the Hell have you been?", right?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes! I'm still around some. Busy, busy, busy. </div>

bridalmarch

I would be bored 30 minutes in. 

We're having a Catholic ceremony (not a full Mass) and our priest told us to bank on around 45 minutes. 

DramaGeek

If the ceremony is going to be something other than what most of your guests are used to, I think it would be helpful to put that information on an insert in the invitation or on the wedding website.  That way people know what to plan for.  I am much more tolerant of those kinds of things if I know ahead of time.

saacjw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:4a3c78a6-e3be-4858-992f-50166b0e7c63">Re:How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would refuse a ceremony that long if I was the bride. I almost passed out up there and our ceremony was 18 minutes. Just don't have that kind of stamina for standing/kneeling/being stared at in a ginormous dress.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Our ceremony's going to be pretty long (Episcopalian). We'll be sitting down for some of it, particurally the readings and the communion.

Lisa50

As a guest, I would be prepared for no more than a 90 minute ceremony -- unless I knew it was an Indian, which I'd expect to last hours.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:b5c82145-fb3b-443a-b9f1-f2c93a0eb3f2">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]kmmssg - I would be right there with you.   I'm even a "non-practicing" Catholic. I've attended masses all over the world, so not knowing the language would not bother me.  As a Catholic I could figure out where I was.  2 Hours?  My self-diagnosed ADD kicks in about 30 minutes in.  2 hours would kill me. <strong>On another note - I'm surprised at a 2 hours under a tent Catholic Mass, in Latin none the less.  Those NOT common at all.</strong>  
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

ditto this.  Most catholic churches won't even do outside ceremonies; and I've never been to a Latin mass, but I've been to Spanish masses and they were the same ~1hr of english.  I don't have any problem with longer ceremonies if it's religious tradition; we had a full Catholic mass with eucharist; but to stretch a Catholic mass to two hours I've gotta imagine that there were a TON of guests so communion took a long time and I'd also think the priest probably rambled for a WHILE during the homily.  I don't have a lot of patience for rambly homilies....

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry. I meant to say that the reception was in a tent. The ceremony was in a Catholic Church.

stantokm

I went to a Latin Mass accidentally not too long ago and like a PP said, the readings and homily were in English.  We also had books with both the latin and the English translation for everything else.  There is no reason why people can't follow along unless they choose not to because of boredom--which I totally get.

I think that a ceremony is only too long when the bride and groom add on things for the heck of it and not because it's meaningful to them.  Yes, I'd probably still get bored or tired of sitting for so long, but this is the way that they chose to get married and I'm going to respect that and do my best to pay attention.  And I would be crushed to find out that someone was playing on their cell phone instead of watching me get married.  Isn't the ceremony for the bride and groom while the reception is for the guests?

Calypso1977

we had a latin mass for our catholic wedding and it was about 1.5  hours and that was with 75 people - the majority received communion.

not sure why it would be 2 hours unless they incorporated other elements like the unity candle, flowers for mary, etc.

and as others said, the readings, homily, vows are all in english and booklets are provided.  i prefer the mass in latin, its what i grew up with.  there are things that are different between the two but you would really have to know and understand both the latin mass and the english mass to "get it".

religious ceremonies tend to be on the longer side as there are many things that need to be incorporated as part of the ceremony.  that said, civil ceremonies IMO should be 20-30 mins max.  anything more than that its usually just filler that the couple puts in to make hte ceremony seem longer or more meaningful based upon their beliefs.  i went to one tho where the ceremony was only about 2 minutes.  they just did the JP vows and nothing more.  that was really too short.

haileyschwebbs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:5894db64-dd94-4ba6-b736-47c167c9d870">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long of a ceremony is too long? : Then I guess I will be joining you because if I got to the ceremony and then found out that it would be in a different language plus it was going to be 2 hours long I would be whipping out my iPhone and playing angry birds the whole time.  I can feel myself burning now!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>omg could not agree with you two more! I am all for tradition but i have noticed that some of my less religious friends decided their wedding was gonna be the day for a 2 plus hour ceremony... like my buddy who has not been to a church in like 15 years and decided a 2 hour catholic mass was a great idea as we stood there the whole time in the ugliest bridesmaid shoes in creation...</div><div>
</div><div>i think my head just went up in flames lol</div>

stc211

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-of-a-ceremony-is-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53e2e5a1-3325-4cae-ab2c-72678aeb5882Post:afbb9ceb-3c9c-4a75-9f18-841bcbddc562">Re: How long of a ceremony is too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to a ton of Catholic mass weddings and most of them have been around 45 minutes.  I guess I was just really surprised and obviously bored because I couldn't understand a thing. I guess I was also put off by the fact that it was a semi-outdoor wedding (under a tent) in Pennsylvania in the middle of October.  We all wore jackets while eating dinner. It was a long day.
Posted by I Heart Wine[/QUOTE]


I believe I was at this wedding too - can't imagine two weddings with a Latin Mass ceremony followed by a tent reception in PA in one weekend!