wedding and reception

lyndausvi

I've been invited to 2 such events, both being OOT and I didn't find it rude and we attended both events.

That said their ceremony invites was less than 20% of the amount invited to the reception..  People are generally okay with private ceremonies with much larger amount of guests being invited to the reception.  When you are excluding 50% of your reception invites from seeing the ceremony it's starts to get sticky.

IMO - a private ceremony should  be 20% or less of your reception invites.

I would not have the reception the day before.  That is just weird. You are not even married yet.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552b01ae-c532-429d-9220-9a55b7eadb2dPost:ed33b572-deaa-4aa3-8d67-f211191ab3a8">Re: wedding and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]It's ridiculous to have a reception before the wedding - I didn't even see that in the OP, and wasn't addressing that in my post, at all.  And actually, the rationale you give, Summer, is exactly why you can't invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. The ceremony invitation was considered the part that required a gift, but if you didn't get a reception invite, it looked like the couple wanted a gift from you without wanting to host you and include you in the "fun" part. I've got etiquette books ranging from 1922 (my grandmother collected them) and this is nothing new.  Whether you personally find it tacky, or whatever, is your prerogative. You don't have to care what a book says. But it is wrong to call the OP rude  for wanting to have a family wedding and a larger reception, which is perfectly acceptable in polite society.  Edit: I find it really bizarre that people on an etiquette board don't care about the actual etiquette of a situation and instead apply their own views. 
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Because you are WRONG. You are interpreting it wrong. A private ceremony with just your parents and siblings (so, like a dozen people) is okay, followed by a large reception. Inviting about 40-50 people to the ceremony and then inviting about 20 more friends to the reception makes the extra 20 people feel like crap. The ceremony is the important part, people want to witness it. In some situations, like a Mormon wedding, not everyone CAN attend the ceremony, which is different. But tiered invites with a small tier of after-thought guests is not okay.</div>

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552b01ae-c532-429d-9220-9a55b7eadb2dPost:644a07f2-d912-4101-9076-b4c497071a9c">Re: wedding and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding and reception : Because you are WRONG. You are interpreting it wrong. A private ceremony with just your parents and siblings (so, like a dozen people) is okay, followed by a large reception. Inviting about 40-50 people to the ceremony and then inviting about 20 more friends to the reception makes the extra 20 people feel like crap. The ceremony is the important part, people want to witness it. In some situations, like a Mormon wedding, not everyone CAN attend the ceremony, which is different. But tiered invites with a small tier of after-thought guests is not okay.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
Emily Post defines a private ceremony as a ceremony for close friends and family. A private ceremony does not have to be limited to immediate family. 

Goldlie11

I'm not exactly sure where people are getting their info.  I've read through the following books more than once, which supports what I'm saying (and GauxTigers):

"Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette 5th edition"

"Emily Post's Wedding Parties"

"Do I Have to Wear White?  Emily Post Answers America's Top Wedding Questions"

Edit:  My FI and I were considering a private ceremony.  At the end of the day, it was a logistical nightmare and not really worth all the trouble.  

OP, if you do go through with it, then think carefully about the reception.  You shouldn't wear your gown, do a first dance, and the majority of "reception" activities.  It's more of a regular party.    

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552b01ae-c532-429d-9220-9a55b7eadb2dPost:644a07f2-d912-4101-9076-b4c497071a9c">Re: wedding and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding and reception : Because you are WRONG. You are interpreting it wrong. A private ceremony with just your parents and siblings (so, like a dozen people) is okay, followed by a large reception. Inviting about 40-50 people to the ceremony and then inviting about 20 more friends to the reception makes the extra 20 people feel like crap. The ceremony is the important part, people want to witness it. In some situations, like a Mormon wedding, not everyone CAN attend the ceremony, which is different. But tiered invites with a small tier of after-thought guests is not okay.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Whoa, did you read my previous post? I specifically said that having 40 at the wedding and 80 at the ceremony was bizarre and no longer "private" when you have half your guest list at the ceremony. The example I gave as being ok was 40 at the ceremony and 500 at the reception. </div><div>
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SD3194

Emily Post also says men are supposed to tip their hats when a lady walks by. Who cares...use common sense etiquette, don't follow a book word for word.

Yes, some of your guests may be okay with not being invited to the ceremony but as you can see from this post, many guests will be upset by it. Why even take that risk? If you don't care about these people enough to invite them to your ceremony then they don't need to be at the reception either. You're being selfish.

ATandAD

I had a cousin who had aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents and siblings at the "intimate" ceremony that was held at their cabin and then had the whole famdamly and friends at the reception and no one thought it was "gift grabby" or rude. It was how they wanted it and as family and friends, we respected that. Everyone had tons of fun at the big reception. I think sometimes we forget that the people we invite to our weddings are our family and friends. They're usually not etiquette experts and even if they were, in the end, they're your family and close friends and should accept you no matter what decisions you make for your wedding.
As for wording, I think my cousins invitation said something like "Please join us for dinner and dancing at 6:00 pm. Just left out the ceremony info all together.