Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?

chattychiqa

For those of you who are assigning tables, are you seating SO's at 1 table together, with tables of people you think they'll get along with/already know, or?.... We are doing a head table. Neither of us like the sweetheart table idea.

staceycaine

We're seating the SOs of the WP with the WP. We think it's really rude to separate them (I'd probably not go to a wedding if FI was in it--I'd probably not know anyone, and I wouldn't want to sit with strangers, but then again, I'm not the greatest at social interaction.). I urge you to rethink the head table. Consider a King's Table instead. (link)

Viczaesar

It's rude to split up couples.  If you don't want a sweetheart table there are other options - sitting with your wedding party along with their SOs, sitting with some of your wedding party and their SOs and having the rest at a nearby table, sitting with your family, sitting with just your MOH w/ SO and BM w/SO, etc. etc.  Please don't be so rude as to seat your wedding party away from their dates, especially on a day celebrating love.

Meggiemuggins

We had a head table, and a table really close to the the front was for WP SO's, plus a couple of really close friends who didn't know anyone else.  If you can, put it right up close to the had table so thy can see their SO's easily.

Simply Fated

Id seat the wedding party's significant others with the wedding party. It's totally fine if you don't want to do a sweetheart table. I don't want one, either. But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are other options that pps mentioned.

chattychiqa

I have a large WP as it is--mostly family members...so I was thinking that if their +1's are seated with other family members (sister's BF with our parents, SIL's DH with FI's parents) it wouldn't be unheard of. . I've never heard of a Kings Table. The only weddings I have been to have either had a WP of 1 on each side with a sweetheart table or a big ass wedding party with a head table.

Simply Fated

@mtishawt... Out of curiosity, were you with him during the ceremony and cocktail hour? I know some brides and grooms allow SOs to tag along during these things, so I was just wondering. I'm super shy and prone to anxiety, so if I didn't know anyone there besides my bf, I'd have a difficult time.

Kate61487

We sat our WP SO's with other people they knew.  Two of my people were friends from HS, their SOs sat with our other friends from HS, whom they've met numerous times.  (my other 3 came solo).  Two of H's were college friends, their SO's sat with other college friends who, again, they'd met numerous times.  H's childhood friends SOs sat with their dates' parents and siblings.

H has been in several friends weddings since we've been together, I've always hung out with his other friends and/or the other GMs SOs.  When I was in my brother's wedding H sat with my family.  If your venue can easily accommodate seating your WP with their SOs it's nice, but frankly it's an hour of their life; as long as you make an effort to make them comfortable it's not a huge deal.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:083949d5-2a9d-4906-8c8e-b7aaeabaf402">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]@mtishawt... Out of curiosity, <strong>were you with him during the ceremony</strong> and cocktail hour? I know some brides and grooms allow SOs to tag along during these things, so I was just wondering. I'm super shy and prone to anxiety, so if I didn't know anyone there besides my bf, I'd have a difficult time.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

How would this work?  I feel like at an absolute minimum the definition of being in the wedding party means you're not with your SO during the ceremony, seeing as your standing up there with your friend.  And the cocktail hour usually exists for the WP to get photos; while SOs could "tag along" for that they'd just be sitting bored by themselves while their SO was taking photos; might as well sit bored by yourself with a drink in hand IMO.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:8c39c9f0-e065-45a4-b567-6244df8bf0ec">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : How would this work?  I feel like at an absolute minimum the definition of being in the wedding party means you're not with your SO during the ceremony, seeing as your standing up there with your friend.  And the cocktail hour usually exists for the WP to get photos; while SOs could "tag along" for that they'd just be sitting bored by themselves while their SO was taking photos; might as well sit bored by yourself with a drink in hand IMO.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]


She said it was just dinner, but I wasn't sure, so I just started listing elements of a wedding where some brides and grooms insist it be just the WP. Lately the trend has been to invite the SOs along, so I was wondering about her experience.

Bottom line... it's rarely just dinner. So the least the bride and groom could do is let their bridal party eat with their significant others.

And I feel like the outgoing people ruin it for the shy people. "I had no problem with it, it's just dinner!" I wouldn't be okay with it and it isnt always just dinner.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you were okay with it, but I wouldn't have been.
I was MOH for my friends wedding. She wouldn't let me sit with my bf, so he declined to attend. With everything she had planned for the day, he'd have spent most of it alone. It's a sore subject for me, is all. It sucks being shy.

sweetcanadian1979

I do not think it is rude to sit the wp with the bride & groom. Where i am from it is expected. I have NEVER ever seen anything else & we have been to a lot of weddings. It is expected when one accepts. I am seating them with people they will be comfortable with. The ones that have a significant other are family to us so we will sit them with other family. If others happen to have dates who do not know anyone i will sit them with my friends who know no one other than me as well, maybe they will make new friends.

On this forum though head tables are taboo. I don't understand it as a gm or bm is not  a "couple" for the wedding, the s/o has to sit without them for the ceremony & figure out what to do for pictures, 30 minutes or 1 hour at the reception won't hurt. After dinner everyone goes mingling & wp is done anyways.

Simply Fated

"It is expected when one accepts." The groomsman/bridesmaid accepts. The SO doesn't. They just have to "suck it up." If at anytime during your wedding a guest has to "suck it up" just because you've never seen anything different, then maybe it's time to try something different. A lot of things are expected at weddings. Cake, for instance. But some couples are choosing pies or cupcakes instead. You don't have to do things just because other people did it.. If someone asked, can I please sit with my SO? Is that really a battle worth fighting?

chattychiqa

One hour. One. If that. Nobody has asked, but if thru did it's not a big deal. This was a searing chart question.... Geesh.... No disrespect, I appreciate all the responses, but I can't believe an SO would be so put off by one hour of eating & a toast.

chattychiqa

*forgive misspellings...stupid auto correct.

Simply Fated

Is it just dinner or are you separating them for the cocktail hour, too? And if it is just one hour, why do you care where they sit? Just let them sit together. Easy peasy. You asked where to sit them, you're getting answers. I honestly think it's absurd to separate couples for dinner. It's illogical and unnecessary. I'm not trying to be annoying lol, I just don't understand why it's even a question where to seat them.

Simply Fated

Oh, and the reason why the "it's just dinner" thing bothers me is, when my bf and I attend functions together like weddings, the only time we spend together is eating. I usually get dragged out to the dance floor, but he manages to get out of it and stays back at the table. So, yeah, the only time we would have together would be during the mealtime. So that one hour does mean something to me, FWIW.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:7d4b7962-938d-4548-b3e7-5d4f35d5b69b">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]"It is expected when one accepts." <strong> The groomsman/bridesmaid accepts. The SO doesn't. </strong>They just have to "suck it up." If at anytime during your wedding a guest has to "suck it up" just because you've never seen anything different, then maybe it's time to try something different. A lot of things are expected at weddings. Cake, for instance. But some couples are choosing pies or cupcakes instead. You don't have to do things just because other people did it.. If someone asked, can I please sit with my SO? Is that really a battle worth fighting?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I disagree with that, if my fiance was asked to be in a wedding you better believe he would come talk to me about it first to see how i felt. If i did not really know the couple i wouldn't even go. If it was family i would have people to sit with. Also vice versa, i would talk to him before making a decision as well, not to be offensive to my friend who is asking but just to make sure it won't make my fiance upset. Pretty sure he would be fine no matter what though, he is a grown adult & capable of looking after himself, he doesn't need me to hold his hand.

As for the dancing part i have a hard time believing you would be on the dance floor ALL night long, i have NEVER seen 1 single person on the dance floor all night long, you will not like every song & when slow songs come on you dance with your partner so i call major bs on that one. You are just using it as a reason to justify your response. Head tables were always a thing, sweetheart tables are new, it's not how it used to be done.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:81b37b3b-a043-4d9a-b170-439a573c560f">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]One hour. One. If that. Nobody has asked, but if thru did it's not a big deal. This was a searing chart question.... Geesh.... No disrespect, I appreciate all the responses, but I can't believe an SO would be so put off by one hour of eating & a toast.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

The head table is an extremely outdated "tradition" at this point.  If you are going to insist on a head table, at least allow your WP's dates to sit with them at the high table.

And I agree with SF -- if it's only "one hour" then why does it matter so much to you to have your WP sitting with you? 

I'm a BM in a wedding this spring.  The groom was originally insisting on a head table for the WP, saying that it was meant to "honor our dearest friends."  My friend, his FI, convinced him that if they want to "honor" their friends, they should let them be comfortable at the reception.  Both H and I were very grateful.

mica178

We did a sweetheart table.  The last wedding H was in, the couple chose to do a King's Table, so we were able to sit together  The last wedding I was in, I was single, but the head table allowed SOs to sit there too (it was a small WP).

I personally think the traditional head table looks outdated.

LetsHikeToday

I agree with mica. The look of a traditional head table looks old and outdated, in my opinion. We didn't really have a head table or sweetheart table. We just used two regular size tables, the same as guests tables. We had our WP and their significant others at these tables and we sat together at one of them. Our WP loved it and I did too because we weren't sitting in front of everyone.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:2d9ce105-1544-4b46-a670-308f212346ce">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : I disagree with that, if my fiance was asked to be in a wedding you better believe he would come talk to me about it first to see how i felt. If i did not really know the couple i wouldn't even go. If it was family i would have people to sit with. Also vice versa, i would talk to him before making a decision as well, not to be offensive to my friend who is asking but just to make sure it won't make my fiance upset. Pretty sure he would be fine no matter what though, he is a grown adult & capable of looking after himself, he doesn't need me to hold his hand. As for the dancing part i have a hard time believing you would be on the dance floor ALL night long, i have NEVER seen 1 single person on the dance floor all night long, you will not like every song & when slow songs come on you dance with your partner so i call major bs on that one. You are just using it as a reason to justify your response. <strong>Head tables were always a thing, sweetheart tables are new, it's not how it used to be done.
</strong>Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

To the quoted part, you call major BS on what Simply said and yet you're using the 'head tables were always a thing' as a means of justification?   Now *I* call major BS.

Also, by that justification, there would be no women's right to vote, equal pay or other advancements simply because "This is how it's done."  

If you're going to defend an archaic ridiculous thing, come up with some decent reasons.  You didn't give any.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:2d9ce105-1544-4b46-a670-308f212346ce">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : I disagree with that, if my fiance was asked to be in a wedding you better believe he would come talk to me about it first to see how i felt. If i did not really know the couple i wouldn't even go. If it was family i would have people to sit with. Also vice versa, i would talk to him before making a decision as well, not to be offensive to my friend who is asking but just to make sure it won't make my fiance upset. Pretty sure he would be fine no matter what though, he is a grown adult & capable of looking after himself, he doesn't need me to hold his hand. As for the dancing part i have a hard time believing you would be on the dance floor ALL night long, i have NEVER seen 1 single person on the dance floor all night long, you will not like every song & when slow songs come on you dance with your partner so i call major bs on that one. You are just using it as a reason to justify your response. Head tables were always a thing, sweetheart tables are new, it's not how it used to be done.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing you are having a head table and this has pushed your buttons.

citybride52011

Ditto SF.  

I recently went to a wedding where my DH was the BM.  At that wedding, I was only going to know the bride, groom, DH, and 1 person I had met only once the summer before.  Prior to the wedding, the bride and groom asked if I had a preference where I wanted to sit because they were thinking of a head table.  Thinking it was no big deal and I'm pretty outgoing anyway, I said sit me wherever.

It wasn't just dinner.  It was cocktail hour, bridal party introductions, 3-4 toasts, cake cutting, spotlight dances, a photo slide show, dollar dance, AND dinner.  Instead of an hour, it was closer to 2 to 2 and a half.  I tried really hard to talk to people and what not, but I would have had a lot more fun had I been sitting with one of the few people I knew- DH.  Good thing there was an open bar...  

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:64bacec7-420d-454b-a9dd-183c51567544">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]We sat our WP SO's with other people they knew.  Two of my people were friends from HS, their SOs sat with our other friends from HS, whom they've met numerous times.  (my other 3 came solo).  Two of H's were college friends, their SO's sat with other college friends who, again, they'd met numerous times.  H's childhood friends SOs sat with their dates' parents and siblings. H has been in several friends weddings since we've been together, I've always hung out with his other friends and/or the other GMs SOs.  When I was in my brother's wedding H sat with my family.  If your venue can easily accommodate seating your WP with their SOs it's nice, but frankly it's an hour of their life; as long as you make an effort to make them comfortable it's not a huge deal.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>We did this.  SO's of college friends sat with other college friends etc.  </div>

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:73c34a1a-83ce-4d29-ab9e-b5fdf182d129">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : We did this.  SO's of college friends sat with other college friends etc.  
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

As PPs said, it's NEVER just an hour of their lives.

And I was split from DH when he was a GM at a wedding and they did the "nice" thing by sitting me with mutual friends.  It still sucked that I wasn't seated with my SO while he was stuck at the Last Supper table.  Heck, even at that table there were only men!

[Deleted User]

We're doing a head table and will sit the SO's at a close by table.  The SO's are all friends anyway and would want to sit closer together.  The wife of our BM has asked already to sit with FFIL anyway.  It's working well for us at least.  

Our venue suggested a royal table as an option as well.  BP on one side and SO's sit across from them.  They would leave out two chairs in front of FI and I so that people could come up for pictures, well wishes, etc.  We aren't sure if we want to go that route yet and prefer a head table.

[Deleted User]

We did a large oval table with us our WP, their dates and my brother.  Everyone LOVED it.  My H is English and it was very different to what is done here, I live in London.  We could speak to the people across from us, 14 of us fit no on was on show while eating.  Over all win.

freebread03

I would not enjoy being seated separately from my FI if he were in a wedding.  The last wedding he was in, I didn't go, but if I had, I wouldn't have known anyone, so it would have been uncomfortable for me.  You won't be missing out on anything by having your WP also get to sit with their dates at a Kings Table, or by having a sweetheart table.

NOLAbridealmost

I don't understand the logic behind the posters who suggested seating the SOs at "a nearby table."

If you're not close enough to actually have a conversation without shouting, you may as well be seated completely across the room.

OP, seat WP members with their S/Os.  You get to sit next to your partner; it's only fair.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:6f16208c-42a6-4027-8509-98c27f83cb2d">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]I<strong> don't understand the logic behind the posters who suggested seating the SOs at "a nearby table." If you're not close enough to actually have a conversation without shouting, you may as well be seated completely across the room. OP, seat WP members with their S/Os.</strong>  You get to sit next to your partner; it's only fair.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

This.  I feel like it's turning the WP or their SOs into some kind of caged exhibit at the zoo.  "Oh - look at the wedding party in their habitat!  No you cannot touch them or talk to them and please don't feed them or you'll irritate the bridezilla in her creamy white plumage."

EmilyTork

FI is insistant on a head table. I suggested a King's table, but he is pretty traditional with his wedding tastes. We actually talked about this during our NYE celebration. All of our future WP and their SO/spouses were there. They all agreed that a head table (2 of the couples also did that) with just WP was best. None of them thought it would be weird. So for OUR group of friends, it will work.