I just wanted to thank you all for your advice (some strongly-worded, and I needed it) about the non-budget issue.
As a follow-up, I talked to my mom and stressed my concerns about going into debt (even to HER), using some of the points brought up in the other thread, especially the fact that we may want children soon after the wedding (I'm 30, and will be 32 when we are married, and I'm slightly concerned that we might have trouble getting pregnant due to other issues--not that age is the only factor.). She was EXTREMELY receptive, and told me what we can do about the budget, what she is comfortable doing, and acknowledged our $5,000 personal budget.
We also agreed to say "we are unsure of the budget, we are gathering info from venues now to figure that out" if asked by venues. We are feeling out 4 places this coming Saturday with FI and FI's mom, and I was afraid saying too much--I don't want her to feel like this is us saying "LOOK HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST, WILL YOU GIVE IT TO US?" because honestly, I didn't expect her to go (I LOVE my FI's mom, but she's not a girly kinda girl--but I did invite her to involve her, and I'm really glad she's going.).
I realize I am VERY lucky. I knew that before any of this (My mom raised me on her own--she really is amazing.), but I'm sure to say it any time she brings up the wedding. I need her to know this wouldn't happen without her, and, although it's mostly because of our FAMILIES, not so much US that we're having a big wedding, I know this is going to be a day that is important to us, but also very important to them. And I'm glad we all will get to have that day.
I hope to report back next week with our decision on the venue (and thus, our decision on the BUDGET, since the venue is most of the budget for us) and let you guys know how it goes.
I'm gonna be on the boards for a while (long engagement), so I hope to get to know some of the frequent posters.
