Wedding Etiquette Forum

HELP! i have to demote a maid of honor to bridesmaid...how can i do this??!!

So here is the scoop. When my fiance and I got engaged last june...we made a few mistakes. the biggest one being so excited to ask our friends to be part of the wedding party that we didnt really think it through all the way.
At first, our intentions were to have a very informal ceremony, probablly outdoors with just a small group of family and friends. we decided that doing it this way, we could make up our own rules and do whatever we wanted. my fiance and i both had three people on each side we could not decide between for maid of honor/best man. Well, several months down the road, things have changed. We are now have a big formal, catholic ceramony with many more vendors and people involved. With theese changes, I feel the wedding party should be more traditional, with a maid of honor and matron of honor...which leaves one girl for me to change from maid of honor to bridesmaid. This girl still means the same to me, and i want her to be just as involved. the only thing really truly changing is her name on a program...but i dont want to hurt her feelings and i dont know how to go about it. My showers are comming up so i need to tell her soon and i just dont know how. please help...ill take any suggestions!@!!

Re: HELP! i have to demote a maid of honor to bridesmaid...how can i do this??!!

  • I'm confused. Why can't you have more than 1 MOH?
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  • I don't understand why changing the venue/style of wedding has anything to do with who you've already asked to stand up with you and their titles. Leave it the way it is. There's no way you can change only one of the three to a bridesmaid without insulting her at this point.
  • well...the flower lady was looked at me like i was crazy...and the priest was confused...and the dj was like what??? so they all made me feel dumb. do you think its okay to have two MOH? i just need more opinions..im so confused!
  • You can have as many MOH's as you like...and if you can do that, is it even worth considering hurting one of your best friend's feelings by demoting her?
  • your totally right. thank you everyone for your support. so far i have been a laid back bride but i was letting all theese people get to me...when it comes down to it...she means the world to me so i shouldnt pick  vendors opinions over hers.
  • I don't see what it being a Catholic wedding has to do with it. I don't remember anything in my catechism about a certain number of MOHs being required for the sacrament to work properly. Just do what you want, and write the program the way you want.

    And here's another thought: keep things the way you want them, but don't go to extreme lengths to explain the situation to your vendors. Just tell them that all three of the girls in your WP are equal in rank. It's not a problem. In our case, we have two women and five men in our WP, but we're not labeling them as bridesmaids or groomsmen - in the program, we're just going to list all the names alphabetically. But I don't flip out or try to explain every time a vendor calls the girls my bridesmaids. It's something that's important to me, but not necessarily important for the catering manager to understand. Know what I mean?
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  • yes! im so glad to hear the everyone is supportive. I have 3 MOH and 3 bridesmaids...and he has six people on his side as well..he just hasnt decided how he is labeling them.
  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    500 Comments
    Just call them all attendants? When I was meeting with the florist, she asked who the MOH was because the bouquets are different usually, I just said to make them all the same. You could just make them all the same...I just lined the girls up in height order and gave my bouquet to the one closest to me. My state didn't need witnesses to sign anything.

    The priest probably asked because, when I've been a MOH in a Catholic ceremony, I've been asked to stand at one point in the Mass (right before the ring exchange) while the other BMs were sitting. There's probably a way it can be done with the entire WP standing, so just ask the priest what he recommends in situations with more than one MOH (whichyou have anyway, since you have a matron and 2 maids. You could ask the matron to stand up with you at that part and the two maids to sit down or have everyone standing).

    IT's really not a big deal :) I promise.
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  • DH is in a wedding this weekend where there is 1 MOH, 2 Bridesmaids and 3 best men.   

    Point being, you can have  2 MOH or no MOH.  








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  • You're fine. I had no MOH, but 2 bridesmaids and a "bridesman" on my side. There really aren't any rules. Your attendants will be happy to just be up there, supporting you, I'm sure, no matter their titles.
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  • edited May 2011
    Yeah, with only 3 girls total, I would either have them all bridesmaids, all MOH, or 1 MOH and 2 bridesmaids because it would suck to be the only bridesmaid when the other girls get to be honor attendants.
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  • if a vendor gives you a strange look - reply with 'Aren't I so lucky to have such close friends!?!???'
  • It seems you've already made up your mind, but if you've already specifically asked her to be your MOH, you can't really take that back.  Personally, I would be extremely insulted and wonder what I did to offend.  Traditionaly BPs are not the norm anymore.  Equal sides are not a must, nor is all women on your side and all men on his.  Don't worry about what the DJ thinks.  He's getting paid to play music, not give opinions.
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