Vow Renewal

mindyrs11

My husband and I are planning on renewing our vows next summer for our 20th anniversary.  We got married young and had no wedding just a court ceremony.  I have read different ppls advise on no wedding dress or big ceremony.  However I never had that to begin with.  We just want it to be a small intimate affair with family and close friends.  Any advise or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

marissa_claire

I think you can do a wedding dress if it's not the big fru-fru type.  You could do a shorter dress or more casual dress, just not one with all the bells and whistles.  

And we usually advise this when girls are basically saying they had a quickie marriage and want to have a "real" wedding just months after their wedding.  You've put in 20 years, so I think you deserve it!

texagj

Court ceremony is a wedding. I think intimate is fine and I agree to keep the dress something more casual.

parker624

Do what you want!  if you want the big poofy dress, band, and cake, do it!  I love the idea of a vow renewal, especially after 20 years-- it is a great way to celebrate your love and commitment to each other.  I say, go all out!

opalsky007

I think a dress is fine--my MIL wore one for their silver anniversary renewal. And I think it's fine to have your nearest and dearest stand up with you. Just skip all the crap: matching dresses and all that hoopla. Say your vows to each other, and then go party.

akhensley81

I don't know about going "all out"... although assuming everyone knows it's your 20 year anniversary and you're not pretending to get married the first time or anything like that. So I suppose you could, if you want to. But I think you could certainly get a nice white dress, or even a simple wedding dress. I agree with PPs that a big poofy dress might be... weird.

squirrly

A wedding dress is fine, although I think you might be surprised with what you like and dislike once you try things on in the store.  And, a wedding party is ok, I suppose, but it seems a smidge silly.  Keep it small, if you have one, and I'd probably just pick a color and ask them to wear something in that color, rather than being matchy-matchy.

No showers or bachelor/bachelorette parties.

But your reception can be absolutely kick-ass.    I think all the dances would still be apropriate, although you probably don't want to call it the "first dance".  I'd skip the bouquet and garter tosses, though. 

georgia_bride09

I would be more likely to look at regular formal or cocktail dresses, as opposed to only have white and cream to choose from. I'd much rather wear a fun color.  

I would only have one person for each of you stand up, or if you have children, they can all stand up with you. As for attire, I'd just have everyone wear something to match the formality of your dress, as opposed to having everyone match.

I wouldn't do any of the regular pre-wedding events.

For your reception, I'd probably skip all the "wedding" stuff, although I wouldn't mind a couple of speeches and seeing y'all have an anniversary dance. You could even invite others who have been married for a long time to join you towards the end, and that would facilitate dancing amongst everyone.

kaederose

Wear a simple dress, if you have a WP keep it small, and don't do a wedding cake with live animals or fountains.  Then have an amazing party!  Do whatever you want here - hire a DJ or a band, have a signature cocktail, do a plated dinner, whatever floats your boat.  Anniversary parties are a great reason to celebrate, so there's no reason yours shouldn't rock.

My parents renewed their vows, and my dad wore a suit while my mom wore a purple dress (she hates white), they had flowers for him to wear and her to carry, some music to accompany the simple ceremony, they got professional photos, and then we all went and had a spectacular dinner.  I'd suggest going for something like that; all their friends came, I stood with my mom, and it was very clear they weren't trying to recreate a wedding. 

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:acd05b55-4927-4077-9887-de22cd7e6801">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]Wear a simple dress, if you have a WP keep it small, and <strong>don't do a wedding cake with live animals</strong> or fountains.  Then have an amazing party!  Do whatever you want here - hire a DJ or a band, have a signature cocktail, do a plated dinner, whatever floats your boat.  Anniversary parties are a great reason to celebrate, so there's no reason yours shouldn't rock. My parents renewed their vows, and my dad wore a suit while my mom wore a purple dress (she hates white), they had flowers for him to wear and her to carry, some music to accompany the simple ceremony, they got professional photos, and then we all went and had a spectacular dinner.  I'd suggest going for something like that; all their friends came, I stood with my mom, and it was very clear they weren't trying to recreate a wedding. 
Posted by kaederose[/QUOTE]

No one should <em>ever</em> do this, haha.

georgia_bride09

Um... I've never seen a wedding cake with live animals. I can't imagine the logistics, what with poop involved.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:69b8357b-3719-47b3-ac41-c65fdeb402df">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal : No one should ever do this, haha.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Yup.

You should have seen the face I made when I read that.

texagj

Don't forget the fountains. I've never seen a cake with fountains.

georgia_bride09

I've actually seen a cake with a small fountain.

texagj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:b830a2f3-0e3d-4790-9c22-213a2fad42a9">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]I've actually seen a cake with a small fountain.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
Really? More details please?

texagj

Wait wait! I have seen live animals! On cake boss they had a cage inbetween two tiers with white doves that they released.

georgia_bride09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:4347356c-ec70-46d3-a4d3-899ee79dac39">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal : Really? More details please?
Posted by texagj[/QUOTE]

I went to a wedding in 2002 or 2003, and the cake had those columns, and between two of the layers, there was a small trickling fountain and there were blue lights that made the water blue. I wish I had pics.

Dove cake = poop cake.

texagj

Oh that sounds kinda cool.

ohwhynot

Oh goodness, yes, fountains were all the rage for awhile - most of you are probably too young to remember.  I'll try to google some pictures. 

ETA:  Here we go.  The ones with the stairways were particularly fancy:

opalsky007

I've never seen a fountain actually in use, but I've seen them in my mom's old school cake decorating books. That and staircases connecting the tiers, complete with little plastic bridesmaids and groomsmen standing on them.

I actually saw one of those ridiculous setups in the window of a decrepit old bakery a while back. Don't think they've had much business since 1990 or so.

FutureMrsTR

Oh, I didn't say I've never SEEN cakes like that (well, on TV at least) just that no one should ever do it   But there are ca-razy people out there.

squirrly

Chocolate fountain with fun things to dip = awesome, but messy.
Any other fountain related to, made of, or on food (including champagne) = bad.

I've seen birds in/on/around cakes too, but that's terrible.  Unless they're made of chocolate/gum paste/fondant/etc.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:9dd8688c-6bc7-4676-b4c9-8d300affebf5">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]Chocolate fountain with fun things to dip = awesome, but messy. Any other fountain related to, made of, or on food (including champagne) = bad. I've seen birds in/on/around cakes too, but that's terrible.  <strong>Unless they're made of chocolate/gum paste/fondant/etc.
</strong>Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

haha for some reason my brain put a / between gum and paste and I was like, "Uhh...Squirrly?  No."

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57ea18ba-e91a-4a55-98b0-70275031694aPost:9dd8688c-6bc7-4676-b4c9-8d300affebf5">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]Chocolate fountain with fun things to dip = awesome, but messy. <strong>Any other fountain related to, made of, or on food (including champagne) = bad.</strong> I've seen birds in/on/around cakes too, but that's terrible.  Unless they're made of chocolate/gum paste/fondant/etc.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I went to an after party for a wedding a few years ago that had a fountain, intended for champagne, but filled with Crown Royal instead. It was kind of a tribute to the recently deceased "patriarch" of the family, whose favorite drink was Crown. Fun wedding and after party, let me tell you.

eMiLee920

I knew I'd seen fish in a cake somewhere:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/03/here-fishy-fishy.html

squirrly

TR, I just CQTM at that.  And Sarah, ugh.  My ex's favorite drink was Crown and Sprite.  No thank you. 

gailpete

I saw a film clip of doves in a container on a cake and when they were released they pooped on the cake.  I figured it served the B&G right for putting the birds in a covered container.

mindyrs11

Thanks for all the info and advise.  As of now I have decided to go with a short evening/cocktail dress.  Will not have or do the traditional wedding things.  As for cake was thinking about an anniversary cake instead of a more formal wedding cake.  We will definantly be having dinner and drinks afterwards.  Thanks again!