Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Lurker here with WR question

My wedding is January 1st and I am still debating about doing escort cards. After reading all the posts on here I was definitely set on doing them, but both my mother and FMIL are against them. My mom more so just because of the work, but I will be doing it anyway so I don't know why it matters to her. I also asked at our reception site if people normally do them and their response was that in the past year only one other wedding had them that had a buffet (what we are having for the meal).

I just really don't want people being split up. I also don't understand why FMIL is completely against doing it. The reasoning she gave to me was because the last wedding she was at they didn't have them and also because she thinks that people will be glued to their seats and not mingle with other guests.

So my question is what would you do?

Re: Lurker here with WR question

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    I'm guessing by escort cards you mean a seating chart for the reception? If so, I am heartily pro-seating chart. It just makes things so much easier for everyone, especially the young college-aged couple who comes late and finds out that the only available seats are at the table with your Smelly Aunt Mildred. People will mingle after they eat, but for the meal portion, assigned tables are really a courtesy.
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    ggmaeggmae member
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    edited December 2009
    Our venue requested that we not do escort cards. What I had to do was assign each guest a table and write their names/table #s on a master list. Then for each table, I had to make an individual index card of names/meal choices. When guests arrived, they were directed to their assigned tables. It worked out just fine.

    But, had they allowed us to do escort cards then we would have because I find that assigned tables = less confusion for guests.

    How many guests are you having?
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    I agree that it equals less confusion. The problem is convincing my stubborn FMIL that it will be fine. We are having around 130 guests.
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    I would suggest assigning tables but not actual seats.  That way it isn't as rigid, but there still will be no "crap, where do we sit?" confusion.  

    I'm very pro table assigning.  I think once you get up over 50 or so people, its just a mess without it. 

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    I'd recommend at least doing table assignments where you assign your guests to a table, and they can select their seats.  Escort cards can do this, then you wouldn't do placecards at each seat - just leave it up to the guests to select their seat. 

    Or you could do table assignments in a more interesting way - use chalkboard paint on a framed picture and list the names of the people at each table, attach the table assignment card to the favors all located at one table, etc.  Just google table assignment and you'll see lots of ideas.
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    Um, okay 130 guests? You definitely need a seating arrangement of some sort. At least tell the guests what tables to sit at. And YOU are the one that will be making escort cards, so who cares what FMIL thinks. It has nothing to do with her.

    Our guests ate and then when dinner was over, they were up and mingling for the rest of the reception. No one was glued to their seats.

    I say do them.
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    Thanks for your responses! I had already started a list of where people should sit, so I think I will definitely continue with this. I guess I just needed some reassurance.
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    ggmaeggmae member
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    edited December 2009
    I am the type of person who, when going to an event, gets nervous about not being able to find a seat. I just had a work holiday party at a local wedding venue 3 weeks ago and it was unassigned seating. I got there and was so overwhelmed and nervous that I wasn't going to find a place to sit, especially since I had to save 3 seats and didn't know many people. Things would have been so much easier had there been assigned seating.
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    I completely agree ggmae. That's what I had been thinking the whole time when trying to figure this out was well what if so and so gets split up from these people and so on. I just want people to be able to relax. I guess the only reason why I was leaning away from it for a bit was because lots of people were telling me it wasn't needed. I should have listened to my gut to begin with.
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    We had assigned seating and our guests mingled all night, bar the dinner itself, with one another. I second the other girls- at the least, assign tables for your guests to make things easier. 
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    I agree with everyone else.  Do them, especially for that amount of people.  And as ggmae said, if you don't want to make cards, just make a big list of people.  My florist (I have no idea why, but they did) had gorgeous large frames that you could rent to put your seating list in.  That seems to be a win in terms of work, but I would agree that you definitely need some sort of organized seating.
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    LOL Sarah I actually hava a great great Aunt Mildred and she smells like noodles and vapor rub! 

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    I'm only having around 75, but I have divorces to deal with and different friends from different parts of life (FI and I have both lived in several states). I'm definitely assigning tables. The bar is in a separate room, and so is cocktail hour, so I predict my adult guests will mingle just fine!

    Instead of cards, maybe just do a big chart. Perhaps its the cards themselves she opposes?
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    I don't see how assigning tables discourages mingling. If anything, I would think it encourages it -- you know where your table is so you don't have to rush in and try to find a seat and then stay there to "protect" it.  

    From my perspective, I'd think that escort cards are less work than a chart. If you make a mistake, you can redo one card rather than a whole chart. But I've only used escort cards, not a chart, so I can't say for sure which is easier.
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