Personal Honor Code

AmoroAgain

Do you have one?  There are all these posts lately about being... well, money grubbing and asking/saying/doing things that (I would think) normal people don't do.  So, if you have one, what is it? 

Mine:  To never cause someone harm (even when I say mean things.) I believe in saying what I feel or know to be truthful, even if it will hurt.  To do what is right, to obey my sense of right and wrong and take a stance and defend it. 

ETA:  Yeah, I can't sleep and am feeling philosophical about the destruction of humanity.

Nebb

I know it doesnt seem like it by the way I post on here, but I try to treat people in my life the way I would want them to treat me - in a respectful, caring and thoughtful way. I am honest about money with my husband, whether I transfer 5$ into savings or buy a new coat, he hears about everything. I also make sure everyone important to me knows I love them, so that if today is the last day I dont regret anything.

I dont know if that answers this, but its the best I got!

evabee

When disagreements arise I force myself to try to understand the other person's perspective and to always assume that they are logical and rational until they prove me wrong with an illogical or irrational statement (not just something I disagree with).

In other words... To always look for the merits of another person's perspective before coming to any conclusions about their beliefs, decisions, reactions, etc.

MyNameIsNot

I really try to never mooch off of anyone.  This has become difficult being married and unemployed.  I feel like I'm mooching off my H, but he doesn't see it that way.  

My other thing is to stand up for the little guy.  I do not keep bad secrets, and I try to defend someone when they are bullied whenever I can.  

ggmae

I treat others as I would want to be treated. The Golden Rule. Pretty simple. I just try to live my life the best that I can. I think that being mean to others takes more effort than being kind, so I stick to being kind.

laurenclaire1386

I don't cheat in card games or Monopoly. That's my personal honor code. Also, if you're going to drink before noon, at least put it in a coffee cup.

Nebb

Oh and I always try to be polite to strangers, especially old people. Thats somebodies grandparent, and I would hate it if someone disrespected my grandparents so I pay the same respect to other peoples.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:e6446911-7e74-4607-b707-faa2c06bf61d">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and I always try to be polite to strangers, especially old people. Thats somebodies grandparent, and I would hate it if someone disrespected my grandparents so I pay the same respect to other peoples.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Aw, me too. :)

AmoroAgain

MyName, I totally get you on that one.  Been there for 2 years.

LC, you're hilarious.   lol

I guess, I know that I hurt people's feelings or upset them in other ways by the shiit I say here, but at least you always know where you stand, ya know?  And it's that way irl too.  I say things to friends that might take them aback for a minute, but they've figured out I don't say stuff or do stuff to intentionally hurt, but rather, to help.  Doesn't always seem that way, but that really is the intention. I'd rather be honest about my feelings than fake it!

kate51485

Never take what you wouldn't give.  In so many senses.

AmoroAgain

I like how so many others are able to put theirs into succinct words. lol

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:e6446911-7e74-4607-b707-faa2c06bf61d">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and I always try to be polite to strangers, especially old people. Thats somebodies grandparent, and I would hate it if someone disrespected my grandparents so I pay the same respect to other peoples.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, that's a good one.  I always try to hold the door for the person behind me.  </div>

AmoroAgain

I feel like my chivalry (holding doors, having polite smiles for people) has completely gone to trash since living here.  People are SO RUDE all the time and I've had to get used to it.

btrflykate1230

Do something each day that makes me feel erotic (Audre Lorde's definition of the erotic).

Here's an excerpt of her definition:

From: http://www.english.illinois.edu/Maps/poets/g_l/lorde/erotic.htm

"[O]nce we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence, forcing us to evaluate those aspects honestly in terms of their relative meaning within our lives. . . ."

btrflykate1230

Oh, this explains it further too:

"I believe in the erotic and I believe in it as an enlightening force within our lives as women. I have become clearer about the distinctions between the erotic and other apparently similar forces. We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal. I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way. And when I say living I mean it as that force which moves us toward what will accomplish real positive change."

MyNameIsNot

Amoro, that totally sucks!  I always thought people were nicer in Europe!  

But I feel that way about here, too.  It isn't uncommon for me to be walking into my building with my hands full and have someone drop the door right on my face.  WTF is wrong with people?

PsyDet 2155

Treat others how I want to be treated: with respect, kindness and honesty.

cac847

I always always always take my shoes off when I go into someone's home. I think it's so disrespectful to drag dirty shoes across someone's carpet.

jasmineh7777

I always try to understand where someone is coming from. Although I have firm viewpoints about several things, I can see and respect both arguments.
I firmly believe that I am "my brother's keeper" and the struggle of others does affect everyone else. I try to positively impact those around me.
I try not to focus on material things, and maintain my doe-eyed idealism.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:5a22f666-7391-455a-9846-490425be404a">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]Amoro, that totally sucks!  I always thought people were nicer in Europe!   But I feel that way about here, too.  It isn't uncommon for me to be walking into my building with my hands full and have someone drop the door right on my face.  WTF is wrong with people?
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

It might be an Italy thing, honestly.  But here, people play chicken with you for their "spot" on the sidewalk.  No one gets out of anyone else's way until the last second, then they practically run you over.  Everyone walks very close to each other, take up all the space on it... basically, they have no spacial awareness.  They do what they do and don't pay attention to what others do around them.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:9a73841c-c017-4696-a943-5451b27ed706">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I always always always take my shoes off when I go into someone's home. I think it's so disrespectful to drag dirty shoes across someone's carpet.
Posted by cac847[/QUOTE]

FI does this, but it's because his grandparents did it because they were stationed in Japan for a long time, and they just brought the habit back to the US after FI's granddad was out of the military.

AmoroAgain

Oh!  We're shoe take-offers as well.  I didn't do it ebfore I met H, but he's brought me to the dark side with him.  His dad is Chinese, so he gets it from them.  Awesomely, I discovered that everyone in Sweden does this too.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:4f5c7652-ab10-46c8-a6bf-6001175fb281">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh!  We're shoe take-offers as well.  I didn't do it ebfore I met H, but he's brought me to the dark side with him.  His dad is Chinese, so he gets it from them.  Awesomely, I discovered that everyone in Sweden does this too. :D
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I do it now too. I always thought it was a carpet thing at his grandparents' house, but it was a Japanese thing. And now it's just habit for me to leave my shoes by the front door every day.

cac847

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:20697adb-11f1-4227-8705-73e14c1bbad0">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Personal Honor Code : FI does this, but it's because his grandparents did it because they were stationed in Japan for a long time, and they just brought the habit back to the US after FI's granddad was out of the military.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I grew up thinking that this is what everyone did since my entire family does it, but have since found out we're in the neat freak minority. One of my friends is German and says it's the same way in Germany as it is in Japan. Does your FI freak out if people wear their shoes in your house? I don't say anything but I cringe on the inside...

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:da5ef1de-8050-4235-ab4d-0b3a7f587c86">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Personal Honor Code : I grew up thinking that this is what everyone did since my entire family does it, but have since found out we're in the neat freak minority. One of my friends is German and says it's the same way in Germany as it is in Japan. Does your FI freak out if people wear their shoes in your house? I don't say anything but I cringe on the inside...
Posted by cac847[/QUOTE]

Nah, it doesn't bother either of us if people wear shoes in the house.

maggyruth

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:a50cef9c-1e2a-4aeb-9eeb-5abd48a7c297">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Personal Honor Code : I do it now too. I always thought it was a carpet thing at his grandparents' house, but it was a Japanese thing. And now it's just habit for me to leave my shoes by the front door every day.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Funny...I just do it because I don't like wearing shoes.

I rarely pull any punches, and people tend to think I'm rather abrupt (I've been called a bitch more times behind my back than I can count...at least tell me to my face, people...grow a spine.)  But most people that know me appreciate that about me...they know where things stand and that I'm going to be honest.   That's my personal code. (Interestingly enough, the person who instilled this in me, my mother, now finds it deplorable. Evidently she doesn't like it when I apply it to her.)

Koopa17

I really just try to be nice to people and smile at everyone I make eye contact with.  I've found (especially at work) that smiling and asking how people are can really tend to brighten someone up.  You never know what is going on in someone's personal life or what kind of day they're having, so anything to make someone feel better is good in my book.

I also try REALLY hard not to hurt other people's feelings or embarrass anyone.  I'll be honest and give my opinion when it's warranted, but I am a little sensitive myself, so I don't mind giving a fake laugh at a stupid joke or listening to a boring story if it's going to make someone feel a little better.

shellydiane820

Manners.  I always say "please, thank you, and you're welcome"

Nobody ever takes the time to say those.  Especially "you're welcome"  its always a "yep, uh-huh, etc."  In my opinion, that's as rude as not saying please or thank you.  How hard is it when someone says thank you, or expresses graditute to say a pleasant "You're welcome."

nda_roxybabe

Shelly- I can totally see you always saying "you're welcome"

Neeb and gg- you may feel slightly different about old people if you worked with them all day and they yelled at you. Still, I have some I love and try to be sweet to them.

I try to always smile at everyone, excuse myself when I get in someones way, thank people and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-honor-code?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:584d877d-1e01-48c3-9a81-11b632dc9c07Post:d0900aeb-3e07-40cf-8125-f24d007ef5e0">Re: Personal Honor Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I really just try to be nice to people and smile at everyone I make eye contact with.  I've found (especially at work) that smiling and asking how people are can really tend to brighten someone up.  You never know what is going on in someone's personal life or what kind of day they're having, so anything to make someone feel better is good in my book. I also try REALLY hard not to hurt other people's feelings or embarrass anyone.<strong>  I'll be honest and give my opinion when it's warranted, but I am a little sensitive myself, so I don't mind giving a fake laugh at a stupid joke or listening to a boring story if it's going to make someone feel a little better.</strong>
Posted by Koopa17[/QUOTE]


I totally agree with this.  I'm not that sensitive myself, but my mom is, and I'm sort of used to it.  I have realized that there is a fine line between being truthful (and hurting someone's feelings) and just being polite.

I think you need to pick your battles.  If someone got a bad haircut, and you can tell they aren't comfortable with it you don't say "Holy hell! You look like shiit ran over twice!"  You tell them, "its not as bad as you think, and don't worry it will grow."

Same goes when people show dress fitting pics here, and someone has to announce how ugly it is.  It might be ugly, but its a little late, the girl already bought it.

If she hasn't paid for a dress, and asks "what do you think?" I think that's okay to give your opinion "Maybe that isn't the best style for you."

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think everyone has good in them. Some more than others, of course, but every single human being has been loved, or at least liked, by someone on the planet at some point, even serial rapists. Everyone has a mother. I always remember the good and humanity in people. Well, I try to.