Gifts vs. Money

woodyardwedding

My fiancee and i have lived together for two years already, it'll be three years by the time we actually tie the knot. Needless to say we really have everything that you typically register for except the house!! We live in an apartment and want to buy a home after the wedding so, we would like to request money instead of gifts. But, how do we go about doing this??  I don't want to be rude or come across as a spoiled brat! Please help!

Thank you for all your help!!

jessicabessica

There is no non-rude way to flat out request money.  Make a small registry of things you'd like to upgrade or items that you would love to have but won't buy yourself in the near future.  Many people give cash as a wedding gift, and plus people take a small registry as a hint that the couple would prefer cash. 

If you don't want many physical gifts, you should decline any shower offers, though.  

lilja032

You don't, REQUESTING is inappropriate, it suggests that you EXPECT gifts (which nobody should). Just don't register anywhere and if you really want you could have your mom or aunt etc spread by word of mouth that you don't actually need anything but asking outright for cash is just rude.

PetalPockets2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-vs-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a2cbd29-620a-4ae7-a512-b85d86e427fcPost:c02e80da-51c7-4404-8d8c-641c2bcfcf7c">Gifts vs. Money</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and i have lived together for two years already, it'll be three years by the time we actually tie the knot. Needless to say we really have everything that you typically register for except the house!! We live in an apartment and want to buy a home after the wedding so, we would like to request money instead of gifts. <strong>But, how do we go about doing this??</strong>  I don't want to be rude or come across as a spoiled brat! Please help! Thank you for all your help!!
Posted by woodyardwedding[/QUOTE]

You don't. It's rude to ask for cash or even imply that you expect to get things.

FI and I both had fully furnished homes for several years before we moved in together. We are upgrading items such as towels, sheets, kitchen gadgets, etc.

GretchenLaRoux

You don't, really. It's rude to ask for money. I'm sure you can cobble together a small registry of items you could stand to upgrade-- maybe your toaster isn't totally awesome anymore, and your towels are starting to get scratchy, or whatever else could use replacing. Guests will see a small registry and take the hint that you don't need physical items.

Now, if people ask your family/bridal party where you're registered, they can say "Well, they have a small registry at --store--, but I know they're saving up for X (a house, a family, whatever). But you shouldn't ever be like "Oh, we just want money!!"

Simply Fated

It's not a gifts vs money issue because money is a gift. And just like you can't outright tell guests you expect everyone to get you teapots, the same is true for pillow cases and cash. But you can spread your registry through word of mouth and spread the fact that you're saving up for X through word of mouth. The thing is, everyone wants and needs cash. Requesting it is just stating the obvious, which isn't cool, ya know? If people want to give cash, they will.

misstomrstodr

I might be wrong on this one, but I've noticed that a lot of people don't bring physical presents to the wedding anymore (they save giving physical presents for the actual shower). I would definitely say to register for some things (I have been living with my fiancee' for 3 years, and I registered because I could definitely use upgrades to things....sheets, an actual comforter, a new toaster oven, etc.) and if you decide to decline having a shower, you will mostly get cash gifts anyway. But I think the consensus here is right on the money... no non-rude way to ask for cash.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-vs-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a2cbd29-620a-4ae7-a512-b85d86e427fcPost:9f39f199-2535-43af-b643-2680c03fd4be">Re: Gifts vs. Money</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Gifts vs. Money : You don't. It's rude to ask for cash or even imply that you expect to get things. <strong>FI and I both had fully furnished homes for several years before we moved in together. We are upgrading items such as towels, sheets, kitchen gadgets, etc.</strong>
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]
Us too. We will be registering for nicer sheets, towels and cookware as well as some odds and ends we would like that we don't already have (ie a stand mixer). <div>
</div><div>OP - create a small registry for the shower (if someone is throwing you one) and for those who might want to purchase a physical wedding gift. People will generally get the hint with a small registry. Also, you can let your parents and WP know that you're hoping for cash so that when guests ask them where you are registered they can say "they're registered at ABC store, but I know they're saving for a new house/furniture/whatever."</div>

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-vs-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a2cbd29-620a-4ae7-a512-b85d86e427fcPost:d994614b-3fbd-48d3-b98c-dd8d94018ed9">Re: Gifts vs. Money</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is, everyone wants and needs cash. Requesting it is just stating the obvious, which isn't cool, ya know? If people want to give cash, they will.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>True dat. </div><div>
</div><div>Which is why I hereby decree to the entire world that anyone who wants to direct deposit money in my account has my authorization (seriously why do you need a form for that?). </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

nikita1821

I'm in the same situation, and I absolutely refuse to request items that I don't need. Something about it makes me feel very wasteful. So, I set up 2 charity requests and asked my friends and family to donate to that in lieu of shower/wedding gifts. A number of my relatives have told my mother that they still want to give us cash at the wedding and my mom has told them this is fine. This will allow my close family and friends to still give us money if they would like, without having to register for a bunch of stuff I do not want, or to donate to charity, or to do both. I think if you do not want material gifts there is absolutely no reason why you should have to accept them.  Isn't that just a form of typical American waste??

beth34608

I agree no non-rude way to ask for just money...

MandJS

As PPs said, it's really rude to request money. If you really don't need/want anything upgraded, etc., then I would recommend simply registering somewhere with a good return policy.

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-vs-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a2cbd29-620a-4ae7-a512-b85d86e427fcPost:235747ae-7f24-4214-a4f3-30dbefb6cac7">Re: Gifts vs. Money</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in the same situation, and I absolutely refuse to request items that I don't need. Something about it makes me feel very wasteful. So, I set up 2 charity requests and asked my friends and family to donate to that in lieu of shower/wedding gifts. A number of my relatives have told my mother that they still want to give us cash at the wedding and my mom has told them this is fine. This will allow my close family and friends to still give us money if they would like, without having to register for a bunch of stuff I do not want, or to donate to charity, or to do both. I think if you do not want material gifts there is absolutely no reason why you should have to accept them.  Isn't that just a form of typical American waste??
Posted by nikita1821[/QUOTE]

That will go over well. You're telling them where to put their money. I'd just put it back in my pocket, especially if you were one of the 4 or 5 charities I don't support.

Kalapoop

dont be old fashioned. in todays day and age , most of us already have everything we need. be polite about it but people are going to ask what to buy you and where youre registered, let them know yall could really use the cash instead towards (awesome unnamed thing), its not rude, especially to youre friends and family. its only rude if you write cash on your shower invites lol

DramaGeek

After nine years of marriage, I'm looking for someone to host a "replacement shower" for me.  Our sheets are worn out, we need a new comforter, we could use some new towels...the list goes on.  My point is, even if you don't need new sheets *rightnow,* you will, probably in the next couple of years.  Register for a few upgrades or replacements, and stick them in a closet until you need them.