Wedding Etiquette Forum

Advice needed

My fiance has a very big family but we didn't want all of them attending the wedding. We both agree that feeding a whole bunch of people we only see on holidays (if that) wasn't going to work for us. So to cut out a lot of fat we have opted for a destination wedding. Las Vegas being his choice and my current nightmare (finding a venue and package is HELL when you don't like Chapels/not-religious).

I am still unsure of the EXACT number of people who will be coming - We have a definate 9 and 5 more are in the wind. The people giving us the run around are his brother and SIL with their kids, family issues makes us not want them there anyway and we have just asked them if they are coming or not to be polite. The other problem people are his grandmother and an aunt who are insisting we get married at a vanue in GA since it is closer for them. It's even been hinted at for us to pay their airfare/etc which I can tell makes my fiance feel bad.

So my question is this, with such a small amount of people actually attending is it really worth paying for invitations to be made and sent out?
Since his parents, grandparents on his moms side and uncle will be in Vegas that weekend anyway AND my uncle and his wife will be on vaction fro England to San Francisco celebrating their own wedding anniversary they have said they will catch a quick flight up for the day.

What to do?

Re: Advice needed

  • Yes, you should still send invitations, even for an event this size.  Many people like to have them as a keepsake, and besides, you can do them on the cheap. 

    Also, have your wedding in Vegas if that is what you want, but there's nothing wrong with having the small, intimate wedding that you want in Georgia if that suits you/your nearest and dearest better.  You can have a small guest list whether it's a DW or not.
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  • I am a little unsure of the question. Are you still trying to decide if you want to get married in Vegas? If so, I am not sure what you mean by hell, I got married in Vegas and it was the easiest thing ever. Pop over to the Vegas board for more information, but basically every single casino has a chapel, and there are tons of stand alone chapels as well.

    For the invitations, invite who you WANT to invite. I say send out invitations since I like invitations and I would want people to feel welcomed. You can get them on vista print for probably less than $10.

    But I may be answering your question all wrong since I am still a little confused.
  • Our problem is relatives inviting others of their own accord, we both get over spoken a lot by family members and when we speak up we get laughed at and told we are being 'touchy' etc.
  • 1)  Send invitations to everyone that you would like to invite - even those who you know can't attend.

    2)  You're not under any obligation to pay for anyone to attend the wedding.

    3)  No one NEEDS to RSVP until you send out invitations, which you're obviously not going to do right away, so your anger at your future BIL is misplaced.  Since you're planning a DW, send out STDs 8-10 months ahead of time to allow guests to make travel arrangements, and make your plans based on the number of people you INVITE, not the number of people planning to ATTEND.  FYI - 10:1, those "9 definite" aren't a certainty.  

     

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e3131-218f-4564-ac28-2153f9d4a76fPost:49635fa9-076e-42cb-a932-a81116f61a5c">Re: Advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our problem is relatives inviting others of their own accord, we both get over spoken a lot by family members and when we speak up we get laughed at and told we are being 'touchy' etc.
    Posted by eternityfae[/QUOTE]

    Relatives can't invite others.  Either you get an invitation or you don't. 

    If you're having family drama, stop talking to family about the wedding.  They can get the details when they get the STDs and/or invites.  Period. 
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  • Shannyn - I hate chapels, I'm not a religious person but for the sake of my fiance and to not offend his family I've agreed to traditional vows. For me chapels are out of the question.

    My fiance also agrees that if we are going to go all the way to Vegas to be married then we should have the wedding at a location that suits our tastes such as Mandalay Bay's Swan Court or the Pirate Ship at Treasure Island.

    But my original question was answered anyways, I will send invitations.
  • Anger at BIL isn't misplaced - We haven't spoken to them since last summer with very good reason not to.

    Laura - Yes.

    The wedding is in 80 days, I'm here on a K1 visa. I don't get the luxury of taking my time planning and pondering over things, PLUS I'm planning all this by myself. I don't have female friends over here yet who could help me and his moms been a star so far (took me to pick my dress out Monday) but she, alongside my fiance and everyone else around me are VERY busy people and I don't drive so I have to wait until someone gets a day off and can take me where I need to go.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e3131-218f-4564-ac28-2153f9d4a76fPost:8d08c969-908f-4efd-be13-53dad225f6d8">Re: Advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shannyn - I hate chapels, I'm not a religious person but for the sake of my fiance and to not offend his family I've agreed to traditional vows. For me chapels are out of the question. My fiance also agrees that if we are going to go all the way to Vegas to be married then we should have the wedding at a location that suits our tastes such as Mandalay Bay's Swan Court or the Pirate Ship at Treasure Island. But my original question was answered anyways, I will send invitations.
    Posted by eternityfae[/QUOTE]

    So, you're having "traditional" vows, which you seem to think means you can't get married in a chapel, but then it's cool to get married in a pirate ship?  I'm not trying to be rude here, but I am really, really confused.  (And FWIW, I don't really see an issue with a pirate ship wedding, I'm just trying to understand the logic at work here.)
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e3131-218f-4564-ac28-2153f9d4a76fPost:ac8c2c2f-36aa-46ee-95a8-5373585a936a">Re: Advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anger at BIL isn't misplaced -<strong> We haven't spoken to them since last summer with very good reason not to</strong>. Laura - Yes. The wedding is in 80 days, I'm here on a K1 visa. I don't get the luxury of taking my time planning and pondering over things, PLUS I'm planning all this by myself. I don't have female friends over here yet who could help me and his moms been a star so far (took me to pick my dress out Monday) but she, alongside my fiance and everyone else around me are VERY busy people and I don't drive so I have to wait until someone gets a day off and can take me where I need to go.
    Posted by eternityfae[/QUOTE]

    I apologize - I read your statement as though you were angry at them for not RSVPing, not for past indescretions.

    I suggest hiring a wedding planner, if you need help with making the arrangements. 

    Have you been to the Las Vegas board?  Those ladies would probably be quite helpful to you, as well.
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  • I don't like chapels, all the ones I've seen in vegas are just tacky, outdated, or plain. My fiance and I want something fun and different. I'm seriously at a loss in planning this whole thing and I'm so very unhappy.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e3131-218f-4564-ac28-2153f9d4a76fPost:00765703-9852-4102-b587-57b5d2f45158">Re: Advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice needed : This sounds like an awesome idea.  Definitely call whatever hotel you decide on - I would bet they could get you good discount rates on a show (particularly if it's a show the hotel itself is home to).
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
    We are looking into Phantom of the Opera. My fiance has loved the show since he was a child and his family have all been to see it with him in Vegas before. The only people it is something new for is myself, my uncle and his wife and my friend lol
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