The cash bar "rule" is also annoying.

squirrly

I gave up my dream venue, and my second choice, and my third choice because we couldn't afford the bar there.  I found a gorgeous venue that gave us an awesome deal on the bar in order to have our wedding there (their first!).  We were able to do a full open bar, and our guests continue to talk about how much fun our wedding was.  Keep researching and find a venue that you can work with.

That said - be sure that whatever you're hosting is consistent all night long.  Don't set a cap.  Find a way to make that $1500 last - beer and wine is fine, even limiting to a couple of beers and a couple of wines is fine.   But find a way to make that amount provide something for free for your guests until the reception ends. 

As for whether it's ok to have a add-on cash bar -- I'm less and less bothered by it SO LONG AS you're at least providing SOMETHING hosted, like beer/wine/champagne.  BUT - I would encourage you to post a sign that says what's hosted, in a polite way.  "Budweiser, Bud Light, Sam Adams, Chardonnay, Merlot, and Champagne are available courtesy of the Bride and Groom"  That way, people understand that if they order something else, they'll need to pay for it.  AND, non alcoholic drinks should always be free. 

banana468

Good idea Squirrly.

And yes, DO NOT charge your guests for non alcoholic drinks!  My mouth about fell open the time I was asked to pay for a Diet Coke. 

LaurenEoghan

I also don't understand why people are being so rude about this OP saying she can't afford open bar. My fiance and I are working our rears off trying to get a great wedding planned for $10,000. No, we're not doing an open bar, we're paying for the first 2 hours and the last hour is cash for everything alcoholic. Our reception is also from 3-6, so it's not a time for people to be getting trashed. We have told our guests (less than 180) the plan for the booze and that anything for the last hour is cash. 

We are not poorly budgeting, we still have a year in advance, but we're also working 3 jobs to keep up with bills AND provide for a wedding, so don't tell me that I am a pathetic hostess because I've worked hard to provide what I can for my guests. I'm not thrilled that I can't have the 'perfect' wedding you all are talking about, but reality is not everyone can afford it! Our families have put in what they can, unless you suggest that someone takes a loan out from the bank to put in more, which no one in this economy can afford. 

My point is that we all have ideas on what the proper reception and wedding should have, but not all of us are able to, so don't be down on the OP or others just because they can't do the same that you did at your wedding. We're all just trying to have our happy day, can't you just let us have our day like you had yours?

banana468

Just keep in mind, it's not about what you want as a bride when you're planning the event that's for your guests.

I don't eat salmon but that was still offered as an option to our guests if they wanted. it.  The reception was for them and we offered them what they were expecting to be able to eat.

If cash bars are the norm for your area and no one even questions it then I'll buy that they're not a big deal (as long as the only guests you have are ones from your area).  BUT, if you know that what you're doing is going against what's expected of you then you have to expect that others wont' love what you're doing.  And they may not say so, but understand that if you go outside of social expectations, people will be sad that you're not meeting those expectations.

awick14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-rule-also-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e7b73-4de6-4267-9462-b815a23929acPost:83165822-8833-4200-9a74-34e8d000e90f">Re: The cash bar "rule" is also annoying.</a>:
[QUOTE]On the etiquette note...why is it ok for other grown women to belittle other grown women? I know that the OP came on to an "etiquette" board and complained about said subject, but why make her feel like what shes planning is less than what you have. Because in reality that is what most of you are doing.  If she feels that offering a cash bar will work for her guests then so be it. If offering beer, and wine is best then go for it!  And trust me, cutting your guest list isn't always an option! Some families are bigger than others...and that includes aunts/uncles, 1st cousins, and their children. Sometimes, cutting people off the list is unacceptable with some families because they are pretty close. Because in my situation I did not have that option. I would never hear the end of it. And would most likely be black listed from close relatives. Some people would never be affected by being ousted by their family, but for me I would!  For MY situation we are offering beer/wine, sodas, tea, coffee and H2O...everything else is...WAIT for it wait for it....CASH BAR! I am hosting my guests the best way that I can and guess what I budgeted for it! No poor planning here.  All in all, I get ticked when I see people make others feel bad about themselves or what they have been planning for! Do not judge others, yo have NO idea what their stories are! So go ahead ladies and bash on my post :-) I could not care less!
Posted by Noellesmama[/QUOTE]

I agree completely. like I said above we will be having a cash bar. If people want to judge me for that then that is fine. It was something that we planned from the beginning. We can not cut our guest list any more. I have a very close family and so does FI. Meaning monthly BBQ's and such with both families so we see every one all the time. I would not be happy not including some of these people.

I can't drink beer (medical reasons) and can't stand wine. But most likely these will be what we are offering. if I were a guest and those were the only things that were offered and they didn't have a cash bar for the rest, I would be very offended. As by doing this they say that they do not care about their guests enough to give them options. IMO is a guest doesn't like a cash bar then they shouldn't be ordering from it.

awick14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-rule-also-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e7b73-4de6-4267-9462-b815a23929acPost:83165822-8833-4200-9a74-34e8d000e90f">Re: The cash bar "rule" is also annoying.</a>:
[QUOTE]On the etiquette note...why is it ok for other grown women to belittle other grown women? I know that the OP came on to an "etiquette" board and complained about said subject, but why make her feel like what shes planning is less than what you have. Because in reality that is what most of you are doing.  If she feels that offering a cash bar will work for her guests then so be it. If offering beer, and wine is best then go for it!  And trust me, cutting your guest list isn't always an option! Some families are bigger than others...and that includes aunts/uncles, 1st cousins, and their children. Sometimes, cutting people off the list is unacceptable with some families because they are pretty close. Because in my situation I did not have that option. I would never hear the end of it. And would most likely be black listed from close relatives. Some people would never be affected by being ousted by their family, but for me I would!  For MY situation we are offering beer/wine, sodas, tea, coffee and H2O...everything else is...WAIT for it wait for it....CASH BAR! I am hosting my guests the best way that I can and guess what I budgeted for it! No poor planning here.  All in all, I get ticked when I see people make others feel bad about themselves or what they have been planning for! Do not judge others, yo have NO idea what their stories are! So go ahead ladies and bash on my post :-) I could not care less!
Posted by Noellesmama[/QUOTE]

I agree completely. like I said above we will be having a cash bar. If people want to judge me for that then that is fine. It was something that we planned from the beginning. We can not cut our guest list any more. I have a very close family and so does FI. Meaning monthly BBQ's and such with both families so we see every one all the time. I would not be happy not including some of these people.

I can't drink beer (medical reasons) and can't stand wine. But most likely these will be what we are offering. if I were a guest and those were the only things that were offered and they didn't have a cash bar for the rest, I would be very offended. As by doing this they say that they do not care about their guests enough to give them options. IMO is a guest doesn't like a cash bar then they shouldn't be ordering from it.

LaurenEoghan

Well put Awick, it's your wedding and you stick to what you believe are the important points. I understand 100% about the family, my FH's family is massive (mom is one of 10, dad is one of 7, with 59 first cousins!). We can't cut any of them, and that doesn't count my side of the family. 

I think that considering the fact 99% of our guest list is coming in from Ireland for a weekend, they understand the concept of the money crunch and won't care that not all booze is free. Your guests are obviously very close to you and your FH, so they will understand why you chose the wedding you did (music, venue, bar, etc). All they'll care about is seeing you happy, so don't worry about defending yourself to strangers who just happen to have different opinions from yourself. 

LaurenEoghan

And forget what 'social expectations' there may be, you should be more worried about how happy you're going to be on that day and how you want to share it with your guests. Not everyone has to be a slave to what society thinks. 

My sister is the epitome of a kindergarten teacher/straight A student/student council 27 year old. When she got married last year, she 'gasp' smooshed cake in her husbands face. She should be shunned by society!!! Never let her out of the house again!!! Oh wait, everyone just laughed, took pictures and went on with life. 

If you want your wedding on some cable tv show, sure worry about what society says, if not then do your own thing and be happy with it. 

mbgallag

HAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I love how the opinions on this are so outrageously polar. I suppose it is like that for any "contraversial" subject. To address a few of the comments: no, I did not wait until the last minute / I did include alcohol in my budget. Just as I included the food in my budget and chose a venue and meal that is lower cost and within my budget. As far as alcohol, if my guests indulge and drink more than I budgeted then I can either A) cut them off or switch it to a cash bar.

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding 100% on our own. Not all of us have $15K+ budgets to spend on one night. So no, we can't afford an unlimited open bar. Non-alcoholic drinks will be free for the entire duration of the wedding. So when it turns to cash bar my guests will have the OPTION of purchasing their own drinks, or to stop drinking alcohol. 

I believe that there is nothing wrong with providing options to my guests. If anything, I think it is rude to take the decision away from them and bind them to my budget. Apparently many people on this board disagree with me and prefer to follow "proper" etiquette rules. But we can just agree to disagree. As long as my guests are happy, I guess that is all that matters.
 

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-rule-also-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a6e7b73-4de6-4267-9462-b815a23929acPost:f55e5613-5868-4ab5-a292-797aa025da73">Re: The cash bar "rule" is also annoying.</a>:
[QUOTE]And forget what 'social expectations' there may be, you should be more worried about how happy you're going to be on that day and how you want to share it with your guests. Not everyone has to be a slave to what society thinks.  My sister is the epitome of a kindergarten teacher/straight A student/student council 27 year old. When she got married last year, she 'gasp' smooshed cake in her husbands face. <strong>She should be shunned by society!!! Never let her out of the house again!!! </strong>Oh wait, everyone just laughed, took pictures and went on with life.  If you want your wedding on some cable tv show, sure worry about what society says, if not then do your own thing and be happy with it. 
Posted by LaurenEoghan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wait... what?

</div>

LD1970

My thought was the same as som pps regarding the cap... what if I don't rush up for a drink immediately and wait 'til later in the reception to get a drink?  So the lushes got to hoard all the free drinks and now I don't get a break on even one and have to pay for all my drinks the entire time?  Not exactly fair, and THAT would annoy me more than an entirely cash bar (and I've never seen a cash bar in any form at a wedding, ever) or no bar at all.

emilyinchile

If you're hosting wine and/or beer, I don't consider that a cash bar. It's fine to host a limited bar - I've never seen anyone on this board or IRL demand that you host ever single liquor known to man. The point is either offer some kind of alcohol on your dime, or have a dry wedding. Squirrly gave great wording for how to make it clear what's hosted and what's not if you'd like to leave your guests with the option of paying for something that's not hosted.

And OP, there are no cookies given for paying for your own wedding. Plenty of people do that and still manage to host at least wine and beer for the entire reception.

mbgallag

emilyinchile - they must make more $ than me. I don't know many people hosting an under $10K wedding who are having an open bar. Didn't ask for a cookie...just wanted to point out that not everyone can afford it all. Luckily, most of my guests are in the same tax bracket as me and aren't expecting an elaborate affair, or a full open bar.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]Well put Awick, it's your wedding and you stick to what you believe are the important points. I understand 100% about the family, my FH's family is massive (mom is one of 10, dad is one of 7, with 59 first cousins!). We can't cut any of them, and that doesn't count my side of the family.  <strong>I think that considering the fact 99% of our guest list is coming in from Ireland for a weekend, they understand the concept of the money crunch and won't care that not all booze is free.</strong> Your guests are obviously very close to you and your FH, so they will understand why you chose the wedding you did (music, venue, bar, etc). All they'll care about is seeing you happy, so don't worry about defending yourself to strangers who just happen to have different opinions from yourself. 
Posted by LaurenEoghan[/QUOTE]

I'm not from Ireland - can you explain the concept of the money crunch please?

LaurenEoghan

The money crunch being that flights from Europe are $1,000 round trip, even in off season, and that Ireland's economy is in worse repair than the US. We also don't have the money to spend on our wedding because we've moved trans-atlantic from Ireland 3 months ago, which obviously wipes out a bank account. We're doing what we can, both of us now have 2 jobs in hopes of having a wedding, keeping our place, and eventually starting a family, which is why we moved from Ireland to begin with. I'm sure it still wont make any of those who follow etiquette to the letter any happier, but we are having a get-together the day before the wedding at the park for everyone to meet up and hang out. That's all 'open' bar, but that's because we're not paying for someone to pour the liquor or any of the other extra charges reception places charge. 

Regardless of what is said about how horrid it is to have certain things at a wedding, if a bride doesn't have the funds to have the Cinderella wedding, then she can't do anything about but make compromises. Sometimes that means giving guests the options of paying for booze or no booze, sorry.

banana468

Sorry I don't buy it.  BIL and SIL just booked a full trip to Ireland and it was well under $1000.  There are deals out there to be had.

And if a bride doesn't have the funds for a Cinderella wedding that's fine.  She just doesn't get to have a Cinderella look on her guests' wallets though.  There are tons of ways to budget - using the guests as a way to finance isn't appropriate.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]The money crunch being that flights from Europe are $1,000 round trip, even in off season, and that Ireland's economy is in worse repair than the US. We also don't have the money to spend on our wedding because we've moved trans-atlantic from Ireland 3 months ago, which obviously wipes out a bank account. We're doing what we can, both of us now have 2 jobs in hopes of having a wedding, keeping our place, and eventually starting a family, which is why we moved from Ireland to begin with. I'm sure it still wont make any of those who follow etiquette to the letter any happier, but we are having a get-together the day before the wedding at the park for everyone to meet up and hang out. That's all 'open' bar, but that's because we're not paying for someone to pour the liquor or any of the other extra charges reception places charge.  Regardless of what is said about how horrid it is to have certain things at a wedding, if a bride doesn't have the funds to have the Cinderella wedding, then she can't do anything about but make compromises. Sometimes that means giving guests the options of paying for booze or no booze, sorry.
Posted by LaurenEoghan[/QUOTE]
Your sarcasm meter needs to be checked. Being from Ireland or not has nothing to do with understanding the money crunch; everyone, regardless of country, knows we are in one, and that doesn't excuse poor etiquette.