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MiamiEpicure

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HockeyFan4

No you cannot uninvite them.  An invitation is that....an invitation.  *shock* someone might decline.

People leave early all the time.  They have their own lives, etc.   You need to let this aggrivation go.

Summer2011Bride

Frankly if your wedding is the day before Thanksgiving, you should just be happy you have the majority of your guest list willing to attend at all. I probably wouldn't. We always have holiday plans that involve traveling all over the place. Seriously, it's the risk you take when scheduling your wedding the day before a major holiday.

I don't blame them at all for wanting to leave early; they could just not come to your wedding at all. You need to let this go and most certainly do not uninvite them.

Meegles4

You uninvite someone when you find out they've just been convicted of murder or domestic violence or something like that...not when they say they can only attend part of your wedding.

If you haven't sent invitations or STDs, you don't have to invite them. But if you've already communicated to them that they'd be invited, you need to follow through with that and it doesn't matter if you know they're not going to be able to attend all of it.

Also, ditto Beanie on having a wedding the day before Thanksgiving. Having a wedding around Labor or Memorial Day is one thing, but Thanksgiving is a major family holiday that causes issues as far as dividing up time among multiple families even in the best of situations. You need to be understanding about this.

TheSlowskys

I can understand being frustrated they aren't going to stay the whole time but you need to get over this. To you they may being disrespectful, but in their eyes they are very likely trying to please everyone. I would never fly day before thanksgiving, let alone thanksgiving day. I don't think its reasonable to demand that they take another flight.

MiamiEpicure

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Maggie0829

I don't see what you are so upset about.  They will still be attending your wedding and witnessing the most important part, the ceremony.  They are allowed to leave the reception whenever they wish, they are adults and should not be reprimanded because of it.

Also planning a wedding the day before a major holiday you need to realize that many people like to spend that holiday with close family and that your wedding does not take precedence over their lives.

ggirl2001

In Response to Re:To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!:I just noticed it looks like you're getting married the day before Thanksgiving. Seriously, you need to realize when you plan a wedding on a holiday, especially a MAJOR holiday people are going to have other plans. nbsp;That's the risk you take.Posted by BeaniebeachI can see your point. That said, there is the option of simply NOT coming at all. No one else has had this problem. There are no travel issues involved whatsoever with anyone. The risk we take is people declining, which is one we were prepared for. We were not ready for people thinking it was OK to simply ditch it. We are also not speaking about 300 guests where you would not notice. We are talking about 20 in a situation where would all be seated at the same table. A decline is almost most gracious if the Thanksgiving plans are THAT important. Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]
So you would rather have them not come at all instead of leaving halfway through. The way I see it they are trying to do both events which is pretty nice of them. Be gracious that they are doing that.

gurrlballa10

I'm curious if your invitations have gone out yet?

Look, you're being a bit selfish here.   They are doing their best to split the time for the holidays.  Just because you want everyone to stop what they're doing, because it's your wedding day, doesn't mean they will.

Oh, and if you uninvite them, you will look like a brat.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:8ac62fb4-b367-4481-a2ed-8695927db087">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, it doesn't matter if they decline, you cannot replace them, it's rude to put someone on a B-list which is essentially what you're doing.  They want to see you get MARRIED, which is what they are doing. The reception is just extra, and not the most important part of the day.  We had people that came to just the ceremony or just the reception because they had lives.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

I'm just going to ditto this. As you said, OP, plans change. So maybe these people were comfortable with the plan a year ago, but things have changed. To your point about it being noticeable that they're leaving -- people leave holiday gatherings all the time. As Beanie said, they'll be there to witness the important part. So they leave during dinner. They can explain why, and if any of your other guests think they're being ridiculous, that's on the couple, not you guys. So why worry about it?

TheSlowskys

In Response to Re:To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!:I just noticed it looks like you're getting married the day before Thanksgiving. Seriously, you need to realize when you plan a wedding on a holiday, especially a MAJOR holiday people are going to have other plans. nbsp;That's the risk you take.Posted by BeaniebeachI can see your point. That said, there is the option of simply NOT coming at all. No one else has had this problem. There are no travel issues involved whatsoever with anyone. The risk we take is people declining, which is one we were prepared for. We were not ready for people thinking it was OK to simply ditch it. We are also not speaking about 300 guests where you would not notice. We are talking about 20 in a situation where would all be seated at the same table. A decline is almost most gracious if the Thanksgiving plans are THAT important. Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

Other people didn't have issues, but the cousins wifes family is I'm assuming a different branch of the family and so their situation may be unique. You do not know the family dynamics of every guest.

in their shoes I would decline because I think it would be a hassle for me to attend both and I wouldn't want to leave a wedding reception early, but they feel differently and I assure you they are not planning to do so as a slight to you or your FI.

I'm sorry you didn't get the answers you wanted to hear, but you asked whether or not you should uninvite them, and the answer to that is no.

kmsst48

Uninviting someone is very rude and although I know you are upset you are all family. Uninviting them will cause waves for you and your H and your family all together. Let it go, you are going to be upset and miserable if you keep focusing on this you will be creating stress in your own household. I really don't think it's a stunt  -  I think you're angry.  I know your hurt, I think it would hurt me to.  It doesn't matter what  "side" she is on because she is family. I can't stress this enough. If she was important enough enough to make the 20 person cut then she is important for your day with your FI. I don't understand why people see the reception as the most important part of a marriage, the CEREMONY is! 

I'm so sorry that I feel strongly about this but I think it's not just rude, but mean and inconsiderate to uninvite her because of something that is obviously also important to her. She's doing the best that your cousin and his wife can seeing you on your day and also seeing her family. It's the best decision she can come up with and even if there are other  travel arrangements you find to be fitting, she does not and you should not shame her for it. 

Honestly, it would be better for her to come then try to explain to your family why you felt uninviting her was appropiate. I think you'll find it an easier day to drop this and when they leave after the ceremony and part of the reception to see their family for Thanksgiving to thank them for coming then to leave a bitter taste in your familys mouth about how you uninvited them. I'm sorry to say it won't be how you and your husband uninvited them but how you, the bride, the new wife, the new family member uninvited a close family member because they couldn't stay the entire time. 

Good luck and let us know what you decide. I know this has to be a hard decision and your feelings must be hurt.  

gurrlballa10

No, YOU get married once.  THEY have Thanksgiving every year.

You keep saying the same argument.  You keep getting the same answer.  No one will validate you on un-inviting them.

And no, just because it's your wedding doesn't give you any right to be selfish about other people's time.  You should be flattered they want to come to the ceremony, which is, ya know, the most important part and all.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:68c136b0-e108-438c-aac6-d8ed85771763">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : <strong>If there is any day to be selfish, this one is it</strong>. No one is asking anyone to split their time. The simple request is to make a choice. Some people will be spending Thanksgiving with the rest of the family while others will be traveling. You get married once. You have Thanksgiving Every Single Year!!!!!
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

This is what you think about weddings, but in reality, as soon as you invite guests, the guests' comfort trumps your own "wishes". I would've liked to have not spent money in certain areas of my wedding because I was selfish and wanted to keep it for myself. BUT, we did because it would make our guests more comfortable. Weddings often end up being less about the couple and more about their guests -- even when it's a small family wedding.

Sure, it'd be great if they made a choice. But if you truly have another two people that you know could come, why not just invite them anyway and not mess with the whole "if this cousin doesn't come, I could invite someone else" excuse? If it's truly just two people you're talking about and you really wish you could ask someone, just ask them. Then they can come, as can the cousin and their FI, and then the cousin/FI can leave when they want to and you don't feel like you've missed out on asking other people that you'd rather have invited in the first place.

Carson386

It's a holiday. I'm sorry but if I had my own family and someone wanted me to fly out before, I would try to be back home for the holiday. The day isn't about just you. The wedding is for you and your FI, but you need to be a good hostess too, it's about everyone invited. Don't uninvite them! If they can make it, they will. If they can't make it, then they can't make it.

Stackeye210

I'm not going to address the univiting part.  I think people have that covered.  I will say that in the event you do not invite these people if you invite someone in their spot you have just created a B list.  Which I think is even worse than uninviting someone. 

Ok, I changed my mind, I'm addressing the first thing.  They're making an effort to make both situations work.  Your wedding as well as holiday with their other side of the family.  I get that you don't want them leaving in the midst of your reception but they are trying to make it work, they are making an effort to join in on a very inconvenient day that you have picked to be wed.  I just think you need to sit back and look at the situation from their perspective. 

MiamiEpicure

Here is an approach. How about telling them we understand they have challenges with both committments. Telling them not to worry about accepting the invitation and that we will see them another time as opposed to having them stress over it all. We both get what we want!

gurrlballa10

Ditto Beanie...and I would think that you are the only person "stressing" about this.  It sounds like they have their plans together and set.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:4cafa8e9-3e60-492b-ad9c-6696f111701d">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is an approach. How about telling them we understand they have challenges with both committments. Telling them not to worry about accepting the invitation and that we will see them another time as opposed to having them stress over it all. We both get what we want!
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

But they obviously DO want to come to your wedding.  I get that this isn't ideal for you but the rage that you are in seems way over the top.  You've already planned to attack them with devil eye daggers at your wedding that is 3 months away.  That can't be healthy.

kmsst48

Sure it happens every single year BUT you are being selfish to the point that you are being RUDE. Selfish is wanting to have all the attention on you, buying the shoes that you want and saying "I want beef served." Rude is "If you don't do it my way eff you and don't come to my wedding."

Listen, if you want validation or to vent then I get that but I think you're going to find a lot of similar responses on here that you simpy cannot uninvite them because they can't stay the entire time. I'm really sorry, and I feel bad but that's the honest truth. 

It's your day, do as you like if you want but be prepared for the results of a decision like this.  

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:4cafa8e9-3e60-492b-ad9c-6696f111701d">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is an approach. <strong>How about telling them we understand they have challenges with both committments. </strong>Telling them not to worry about accepting the invitation and that we will see them another time as opposed to having them stress over it all. We both get what we want!
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

How about you let this go? Really. Why can't you see that they WANT to be at your wedding. They would have declined it if they didn't want to be there, because I assure you, their plans are probably a slight inconvenience for them. But they're doing that because they WANT to celebrate with you, even if it's for a short amount of time. Focus on that, and stop being petty about the amount of time they're "giving" you.

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:de7006e5-4823-4787-a3fb-6823066bdf00">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : I can see your point. That said, there is the option of simply NOT coming at all. No one else has had this problem. There are no travel issues involved whatsoever with anyone. The risk we take is people declining, which is one we were prepared for. We were not ready for people thinking it was OK to simply ditch it. We are also not speaking about 300 guests where you would not notice. We are talking about 20 in a situation where would all be seated at the same table. A decline is almost most gracious if the Thanksgiving plans are THAT important.
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

It's not their fault you only budgeted to invite 20 guests even though you may have wanted more and chose them over other family members.  If you didn't have the money to throw the wedding you wanted then, maybe you should have scaled some other things back or waited until you had enough to invite everyone.

Obviously they must think your wedding is important if they are trying to attend both events.  Attending the ceremony is more important than the reception anyways, since the reception is just a thank you to your guests.  They'll be staying a little bit to accept your thank you and then leave.  Nothing is wrong about this.  Who are you to say it would be easy for them to leave in the morning?  What if they need to help our for Thanksgiving preparations and the like.  It's none of your business, and I bet you would be peeved if you were in their situation and someone was suggesting the same to you and sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong.

Besides, whether they accept or decline you wouldn't have been able to invite anyone in their place politely, because that is considered b-listing.  This is such a non issue I don't get what's hard to understand about it.

kmsst48

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:665dee8c-62b2-44f4-afd5-3c9a38e21272">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : How about you let this go? Really. Why can't you see that they WANT to be at your wedding. They would have declined it if they didn't want to be there, because I assure you, their plans are probably a slight inconvenience for them. But they're doing that because they WANT to celebrate with you, even if it's for a short amount of time. Focus on that, and stop being petty about the amount of time they're "giving" you.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>THIS! </div>

MiamiEpicure

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:d04d08ce-caf9-481f-9394-2a7b0c0799c2">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : No. They've already accepted the invitation, you can't try to manipulate them into changing their RSVP in order to get what you want.  Let it go.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

Correction. They have NOT accepted the invitation yet.

TheSlowskys

I'm calling mud.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:02a21fc9-c9b3-4547-ae46-0d48a720c2ff">To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]. Not to mention, it is highly disrespectful to us as a couple given early the next morning there are cheap direct flights still available to their destination which is only 2 hours away.[/QUOTE]

You've got it backwards. They have other obligations, and are spending MORE of their money so they can fulfill both sets of obligations. This is in NO WAY disrespectful to you or your FI. 

[QUOTE]
There are many people we left off the list not because we wanted to, but because budgetary reasons limited the number of guests we would be able to invite. <strong>Those people would have been more than ecstatic to attend enjoying every minute up to the very last moment of our celebration</strong>.Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

You have an overblown sense of the importance of your wedding in other peoples' lives. I would have been "more than ecstatic" to win the Power Ball last night. Attend a wedding? Unless it was a European DW where the couple was paying all of my expenses, I wouldn't have been "more than ecstatic."

JaxInBlue

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:68c136b0-e108-438c-aac6-d8ed85771763">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : If there is any day to be selfish, this one is it. No one is asking anyone to split their time. The simple request is to make a choice. Some people will be spending Thanksgiving with the rest of the family while others will be traveling. You get married once. You have Thanksgiving Every Single Year!!!!!
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

You do not get to mandate that people stay at your reception the entire time.  You cannot insist that people plan their individual travel on a schedule that pleases you. You also do not get to strech your wedding over into another holiday (said by someone who married two days after Thanksgiving and did all she could to keep the events separate).

Yes, Thanksgiving is an annual holiday, but not all families, and especially not all married couples, spend the holiday the same way each year.  Maybe this year is a year cousin and his wife were scheduled to spend with her family.  Maybe attending your ceremony and a portion of your reception is the best they can do to fullfill their commitments to both families.  It sounds like they are doing their absolute best to attend as much as they can.

In any case, whatever their reasons, your cousin and his wife are doing you a great honor by attending your ceremony and (presumably) a significant enough part of the reception (which is intended to thank the guests for sharing in your ceremony) to extend congratulations before they must leave.  I, personally, would not want to travel on Thanksgiving Day if it could be avoided at all; there would be too much risk that a delay would cause me miss the holiday entirely.

Do not revoke their invitation.  Be grateful that they want to come at all.  Enjoy their company for the time they can be there.  Make that your approach to all of your guests.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-uninvite-or-not-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a7c1eb9-d05c-49ac-9622-0bc0ef54d619Post:b5ffa16f-704b-4597-a1ba-b8ad7298454b">Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Uninvite or Not to Uninvite?!?!?! : Correction. They have NOT accepted the invitation yet.
Posted by MiamiEpicure[/QUOTE]

You asked them if the date was ok, they said yes.  That's pretty much an accepted invite up to this point.  Yes, there's still the RSVP, but you already know that they are leaving town that night.  If they hadn't accepted the invitation yet than you wouldn't be so enraged at this point.  They're coming and you know it and that's why you're mad.

Stackeye210

Also, I'm not sure why you're downplaying Thanksgiving when the very same reason you are having your wedding the day before is because you want your family together on Thanksgiving.  You're contradicting what you get to dictate.  You're mad that you don't have control over this couple and it seems to be a thorn in your little plan to control Thanksgiving and the day before. 

kw44932

It looks like they are willing to witness the ceremony, which in fact is the most important part of the event, right? And mentioning that others are willing to take their place makes it look like a B-list. Maybe they are the only ones who brought up their possible travel plans? I wouldn't be bothered by this, especially since it's the day before a major holiday.

Stackeye210

AND THE DD.  Shocking.  Sweetie you were quoted.  No amount of deleting this post will change that you are wrong.