Bridal shower - gift passing?

jaenella

So I was going to  jump on the shower train in the FFF thread but decided to start another one so as not to divert attention away from FFF! 

I can definitely understand that the point of a shower is to give the bride gifts and so it makes sense if she opens them at the shower. However, what about the custom of passing the gifts around the circle? At every shower I've been I find it super awkward to ooh and ahh over the bride's new towels or sheets (slightly better at a baby shower because at least there are cute mini clothes and toys)! Is that a tradition that can be cut? Or would you side-eye it if the bride didn't pass the gifts around after opening them?

Second shower-related question - what do you think about a themed shower? I was invited to a wine-themed shower where we were asked to bring our favourite bottle of wine instead of a traditional gift and will be decorating wine glasses instead. What are your thoughts on that?

misshart00

I have no problem with passing the gifts around but I don't think that's necessary. All of mine were put on a table after I opened them and people could look more if they wanted.

fionahalliwell

At cousin's shower #1, there were too many tables to pass gifts around, but she was centrally located enough that it wasn't an issue. 

At #2 (the one I'm hosting), we'll be at one long table, so we may pass gifts around. When I was a kid, we used to have to walk around with birthday gifts because some of the chairs were too far away to pass from one person to the next, so we're kind of used to that. 

Theme showers: not my favorite, just personally, but I don't necessarily see anything inherently WRONG with them. I also don't like shower games, but again, there's nothing wrong with them. 

kaos16

Wait, so once the guest of honor opens the towels (or whatever) they are passed around the room for everyone to look at closer? 

I have never heard of that before.  Any shower I have been to the guest holds it up, everyone oohs and aahs and it's put away.

AJuliaNJ

I've never been to any type of shower with gift passing. This is actually the first time I've heard of it. It might be that it's just not what I'm used to, but I dislike it on 2 levels: as the bride (or mom-to-be), I wouldn't want everyone handling my gifts, especially glassware. As a guest, I would get bored of having to pass gifts and act interested in them.  I can see passing some of the stuff if it is unique and people are asking for a closer look, but I really don't need to handle the bride's towels, plates, and blender. Otherwise, I'd skip this for sure. I think displaying the gifts in the front of the room does the job just fine.

I wouldn't be bothered by a theme shower, but how would the host word it in the invite without it looking rude? 

athomfor

I've never been to a shower with gift passing, baby or wedding shower.

I don't personally take issue with a theme shower, but I've never really seen one. I've been to a "stock the bar" party but there was a bridal shower as well for that couple. The "stock the bar" party was pretty much an excuse for the couples friends to get together and get drunk.

daria24

Ugh I hate the gift passing. If there's something I want to see, I'll ask to see it or look at it later. Ugh and I find it downright creepy when it's lingerie. And I ESPECIALLY hate when they pass cards around. I write the card to the receiver, not for everyone and their (literal) grandma to read it. 

I think theme showers are usually rude. Being told to bring something for an "around the clock" shower, or beginning with the letter "c". JUST NO. I feel like it says "you can't be tursted to come up with a thoughtful gift yourself, here are my strict guidelines." 

However if it's something that doesn't require a purchase I'm ok with it. For instance, asking to bring a favorite recipe, or a photo of you and the guest of honor, etc. 

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-gift-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5af2ea20-2b29-4b94-b03b-da043fbcdd39Post:70c8893d-e25d-4ba1-aca1-05d33a16bd31">Re: Bridal shower - gift passing?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh I hate the gift passing. If there's something I want to see, I'll ask to see it or look at it later. Ugh and I find it downright creepy when it's lingerie. And I ESPECIALLY hate when they pass cards around. I write the card to the receiver, not for everyone and their (literal) grandma to read it.  I think theme showers are usually rude. Being told to bring something for an "around the clock" shower, or beginning with the letter "c". JUST NO. I feel like it says "you can't be tursted to come up with a thoughtful gift yourself, here are my strict guidelines."  However if it's something that doesn't require a purchase I'm ok with it. <strong>For instance, asking to bring a favorite recipe, or a photo of you and the guest of honor, etc.</strong> 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>As I stated before I didn't have a shower at all my first wedding around, and when I get married again I will definitely do something like this. What an awesome idea! I'm a recipe slut and will take any good ones I can get ;)</div>

jaenella

I love the recipe idea - not the greatest cook over here so favourite recipes are definitely a plus!

Every shower I've been to has had the gifts passed around - I'm glad to hear that it's not common in other areas. I just hate that awkward feeling of pretending to be fascinated with the toaster!

KnotIrene

Can someone please shut the gate so the horse from FFF doesn't wander into this pasture.

kmbryant2413

That about what you were looking for, KI? lol.

KnotIrene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-gift-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5af2ea20-2b29-4b94-b03b-da043fbcdd39Post:77168bf7-c9d1-43ea-8d49-d9f7fbb1ea7d">Re: Bridal shower - gift passing?</a>:
[QUOTE]That about what you were looking for, KI? lol.
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]
 <div>Absolutely!  Thanks.</div>

jaenella

The intent was definitely not to tempt that horse onto this side of the fence, KI!

KnotIrene

I appreciate you all very much (and your GIFs too).  Thanks.

jaenella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-gift-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5af2ea20-2b29-4b94-b03b-da043fbcdd39Post:c9c8b58c-08c2-40cf-922d-fab61121a8a4">Re: Bridal shower - gift passing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower - gift passing? : I just had to ..... ;)
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>I definitely wouldn't tangle with that horse! :)</div>

STARMOON44

I've never seen gift passing and wouldn't miss it. I like theme showers, but they need to a not require a more expensive gift than usual, b not require a ton of work for guests no, I do not want to write the bride a poem and c be group appropriate if you know half your crowd doesn't drink, no wine etc

Peledreamsofrain

I've never ever seen gifts passed around, and that didn't happen at our shower.  I gladly handed over something if someone wanted to look at it, but touching my loot wasn't mandatory.

Jen4948

I have been to some showers that had gifts passed around and others that didn't.   So there doesn't seem to be a universal rule or expectation about it.  If you don't want to do it, I don't think you have to.

I'm also not a fan of "themed" showers-they tend to be too cutesy or just a little too "intimate" for my taste.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-gift-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5af2ea20-2b29-4b94-b03b-da043fbcdd39Post:98c5336e-836e-4a24-be4d-544faf0999bd">Re: Bridal shower - gift passing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower - gift passing? : At first I thought this image meant that you want rum.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Loot means different things to different people.  I would not rule that out. :P

jaenella

I hate to blame it on regional things after the last week but... maybe it's a regional thing, or just a thing with my particular group? I've been to at least 10 in the last few years and every single one has had passed gifts! I've never heard of a 'round-the-clock' shower though.

Peledreamsofrain

Why did that make me think of Twister?

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-gift-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5af2ea20-2b29-4b94-b03b-da043fbcdd39Post:e4fcc406-61ab-4288-80f7-0fe6c25402ac">Re: Bridal shower - gift passing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower - gift passing? : If H were to wake me up to try out a "dirty" wedding gift at 2am, he would walk away seriously maimed.  Just sayin... OP, skipping passing is fine.  And count me in on the people who hate theme showers.  Want a kitchen/recipe shower?  Fine, but I'm not attending and I don't care if you're my sister.  Theme showers have the uncanny ability to make anyone who isn't a "typical" female feel incredibly self conscious and out of place. 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Here's one of my deepest, darkest secrets: I never bring the recipe or do the craft. I fail as a female.</div><div>

</div>

reppunzel

The passing thing can really get tedious -- I think it's fine to skip.

I've seen theme showers really bomb (the around the clock thing) and really succeed.  One of the successes was a church shower with four brides that were getting married within 2 months of each other and all four were active in two different church organizations.  We gave them a spice shower, so that it was financially feasible for guests ($4ish dollars per bride vs. $20ish).  All of the brides cook a lot and they got a nice variety (I was a little concerned they'd get 5 bottles of cinnamon each), and some guests bought a small kitchen item, too (peeler, grater, etc.).  We didn't do a craft though ... unless you count the toilet-paper wedding dress game.  I got outvoted on that one <sigh />.