Rehearsal dinner...

lbarcomb

We have decided that we are paying for our rehearsal dinner ourselves, given the fact that neither of our parents has the money to really help (my parents are already paying for all the food at the wedding and his haven't mentioned helping). We are trying to think of ways to cut our budget. One of the things we discussed is alcohol. We have decided that it just isn't in our budget (or that important to us, to be honest) to have an open bar at the wedding. We are just going to do the cocktail hour open bar. However, what about the rehearsal dinner. Can we get away with paying for soda and all alcoholic drinks get paid for by the person who orders them? I am not sure if that is rude or not. Advice please!

*FYI - Another option we are considering is doing a cookout at my parents house instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner. It will be laid back and maybe more cost efficient. What do you think?

Brie2010

I would rather attend a cookout at your house with booze than a formal RD without it.

danieliza1127

For the RD, it's perfectly fine to skip alcohol or to just have a cookout at your parents house with some cases of beer. 

For the wedding, open bar for cocktail hour only is pretty tacky in my opinion.  Guests will be really surprised when they go to get another drink and are suddenly asked for money.  I think for weddings, you host what you can afford.  If you can't afford an open bar for the whole thing, just have beer and wine for the whole thing but don't ask your guests to pay.

MeaghanandMichael

I second the cookout idea!

smokeybailey

My sister had a rehearsal dinner where she invited all of the guests (it was a destination wedding) and paid for non-alcoholic beverages.  Those that wanted something else went up to the bar.  Most people weren't drinking so it worked out fine for them.  Since my sister and her DH don't drink, it wasn't a big deal.

A cookout is a great option too.

smokeybailey

oh and ditto Dani on the bar at the wedding.  I never bring cash to a wedding.

lbarcomb

Well, to be honest I have been to both types of weddings...open bar all night and just for cocktail hour. Usually word of mouth spreads pretty quickly and everyone knows it's just for the hour. I have never heard of anyone objecting to that because frankly, that would be a little rude. I have also had bartenders let people know that it's a cocktail hour, rather than open bar all night so people are aware. Everyone has their opinion though and I totally understand what you're saying. It can come as a surprise. That is one thing to consider...

I agree. I am leaning towards the cookout!

beatlesgirl25

Ditto Brie and others. I think the cookout fits more comfortably within what you can afford, while a formal but limited RD would just highlight the things guests don't have access to (i.e., booze).

Re: cash bars, please try to avoid this if at all possible. I've told this story often, but think of this as a worst case scenario: H and I went to a wedding at a secluded location, with a surprise cash bar and no ATM within 15 miles. Dinner took nearly 3 hours to serve. It was the longest, most boring wedding I've ever been to. We couldn't wait to leave.

M&M, love your sig! How is Micha, btw?

banana468

Is there a way to have a less expensive RD?  This can help you afford a way to have alcohol for your RD (which needs to be the WP and their dates plus the other must invites) and hopefully it also helps you budget so that you don't have to do the sneak attack of changing the open bar on your guests at your wedding.

lbarcomb

The whole open bar at the wedding thing is up in the air. We totally DO NOT want to have to do a cash bar at all, but it's really all about how much we can save until the wedding. It's just one of those things that's going to have to go if we cannot afford it. Believe me, I am trying desperately to AVOID it!

MeaghanandMichael

Thanks Beatles! Even though it does look like I am jumping his bones in the pic, I still love it haha Micha is good... very cranky though because today is day one of getting back to the gym; oh the beginning of January...

beatlesgirl25

Ugh, Meaghan I hear your H on that. January is all about begrudgingly changing our lifestyles, and my ass hasn't been to the gym for way too long since the wedding. I wish him luck! And bones-jumping pics are the most authentic, IMO. Reminds me of Sarahsmile's from awhile back.

lbarcomb

My friend works at the venue where we are having our reception. She told me that beer and wine is not worth it in comparison to just having an open bar. You're better off just doing an open bar...don't ask me why because I cannot remember! At this point I am just freaking out! Neither of us are getting raises this year (thank you economy!) and my bonus was less than half what it was last year (again, THANK YOU economy) so I am a little strapped for cash and am panicing that we cannot save enough! However, I do have a part-time job which should give us enough to pay for it all, probably the open bar too. Actually it's nice having a friend work at the venue we're using because she has been able to estimate how much a wedding the size of ours usually drinks and they told me if I wanted to put down say...2,500 instead of paying the open bar fee for everyone, that could cover most the drinks and if we go over the set amount, we can just pay the balance later.

Thanks for listening to me vent!

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5df2e13f-2ab0-42ee-ae7d-2e008e6d104aPost:3dfa2033-ec2e-44c4-bb6b-d9680215c748">Re: Rehearsal dinner...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, to be honest I have been to both types of weddings...open bar all night and just for cocktail hour. Usually word of mouth spreads pretty quickly and everyone knows it's just for the hour. I have never heard of anyone objecting to that because frankly, that would be a little rude. I have also had bartenders let people know that it's a cocktail hour, rather than open bar all night so people are aware. Everyone has their opinion though and I totally understand what you're saying. It can come as a surprise. That is one thing to consider... I agree. I am leaning towards the cookout!
Posted by lbarcomb[/QUOTE]

I wish I'd gotten the word of mouth thing when I went to a wedding a few years ago.  Went upstairs to get a coke (which was paid for anyway) and poof!  Everything was gone!  No one knew.  So, no.  Word of mouth doesn't work.

lbarcomb

Thanks for the advice girls, you've been helpful!

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5df2e13f-2ab0-42ee-ae7d-2e008e6d104aPost:b762d53e-ebf2-45d7-a13e-04a8e427b9db">Re: Rehearsal dinner...</a>:
[QUOTE]For the RD, it's perfectly fine to skip alcohol or to just have a cookout at your parents house with some cases of beer.  For the wedding, open bar for cocktail hour only is pretty tacky in my opinion.  Guests will be really surprised when they go to get another drink and are suddenly asked for money.  I think for weddings, you host what you can afford.  If you can't afford an open bar for the whole thing, just have beer and wine for the whole thing but don't ask your guests to pay.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I vote cookout for the RD. 

For the wedding. . . please don't do this.  Find a way to offer your guests the same drinks on the house the whole time.  Beer & wine is a great way to do that.  I went to a wedding that did this a few months ago, except that they gave the WP free drinks all night.  So, all night, the WP was standing in line getting drinks for everybody else instead of celebrating. 

I totally understand wanting to control the budget - but do it in a way that is guest-friendly.

lbarcomb

So, as an alterative, is beer and wine open bar acceptable?

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5df2e13f-2ab0-42ee-ae7d-2e008e6d104aPost:5f9270a9-d3d4-4036-b14a-ad58872ca1fe">Re: Rehearsal dinner...</a>:
[QUOTE]So, as an alterative, is beer and wine open bar acceptable?
Posted by lbarcomb[/QUOTE]

If it's open for the duration of the reception, then YES.

Pirata13

Absolutely!  We are doing beer, wine & soda for ours. It cut our cost significantly.  We are having 2 kinds of beer (a light beer and a darker beer) and a red wine & white wine. Pretty much something for everyone. 

lbarcomb

That's a really good idea, I didn't even think about just doing beer, wine and soda. I was thinking all or nothing.

sucrets4

full open bar > open beer and wine > cash bar

Yes, I agree with pp - do the cookout for your RD.  We had a super casual one and it was great.  We actually got it catered so that no one had to cook, but it was all self serve and we brought in alcohol.