Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress

One of my bridesmaid orderher dress in a size 10. My wedding is Oct.16th.
the problem is this girl is clearly a 16/18. she just got her dress a month ago.
Our first dress fitting was last week and two days before the fitting she tells me that she was going on a diet and would be able to wear the size 10. NO Way IN Hell.  two and a half months away.. No Way. I was so upset that I took my matron of honor dress a size 14 and gave it to her.

The day of the fitting she clearing needed a 18 but felt that the tight fitting 14 was great on her. Anyway my seamstress called me the following day saying that she did not want to be responsible for the dress...... She said the if this girl sneezed or moved the wrong way that she would bursted out of the dress. So I called her and told her the conversation that I have with the seamstress. She became upset and said a she wears a 16 but not a size 18. This is the same person who order a size 10.....

She went on to state that 14 was fine and only needed shorten. My biggest fear with inviting her to be in the bridle party was that she always wears her clothing too small. I told her at the beginning to get a larger size. We purchased the dresses from Nordstrom at $53.00 clearence. So the only place that I was able to find the dress her size was directly from the designer at a price of $370.00. She feels that I should pay the difference of the dress which is $317.00.My reaction is no way.

she made the decision to purchase her correct size but her wish list was 8 sizes larger. It"s not my problem but she wants to make it mine. What do you think?.

Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:04179368-c3cd-4f58-b7a4-c6adbda3274c">Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaid orderher dress in a size 10. My wedding is Oct.16th. the problem is this girl is clearly a 16/18. she just got her dress a month ago. Our first dress fitting was last week and two days before the fitting she tells me that she was going on a diet and would be able to wear the size 10. NO Way IN Hell.  two and a half months away.. No Way. I was so upset that I took my matron of honor dress a size 14 and gave it to her. The day of the fitting she clearing needed a 18 but felt that the tight fitting 14 was great on her. Anyway my seamstress called me the following day saying that she did not want to be responsible for the dress...... She said the if this girl sneezed or moved the wrong way that she would bursted out of the dress. So I called her and told her the conversation that I have with the seamstress. She became upset and said a she wears a 16 but not a size 18. This is the same person who order a size 10..... She went on to state that 14 was fine and only needed shorten. My biggest fear with inviting her to be in the bridle party was that she always wears her clothing too small. I told her at the beginning to get a larger size. We purchased the dresses from Nordstrom at $53.00 clearence. So the only place that I was able to find the dress her size was directly from the designer at a price of $370.00. She feels that I should pay the difference of the dress which is $317.00.My reaction is no way. she made the decision to purchase her correct size but her wish list was 8 sizes larger. It"s not my problem but she wants to make it mine. What do you think?.
    <p>Posted by dex1234[/QUOTE]</p><p>Ok, so just to check my understanding, she bought a ten but then you gave her the 14 that was your MOH's and that is still tight but is the dress she wants to wear? Given there's a seamstress working on the dresses, can you not request her to let it out a little and then be done with it?</p><p> </p><p>I'm a little confused about you having to re-purchase the dress- unless you mean, to replace the MOH's dress that you gave this BM? </p>
  • It sounds like she might be in a bit of denial of her size. If your wedding is in october she still has some time to loose some weight. Even losing 1-2 pounds a week would be beneficial. Maybe you should try to encourage her to work out and go on a healthy chicken/fish veggie/salad diet for awhile. Hopefully she'll try to lose the weight and the dress might fit better. Otherwise - you'll have to have the seamstress take out the dress or add some material.
     
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  • This isn't your problem.  If the dress doesn't fit her well, she's the one who looks ridiculous, not you.  If she can't wear the dress at all, then she's not in the wedding.  However, if you want to accommodate her, perhaps you can allow her to buy a different dress in the same color.  No way would I pay $300 to get her the size of dress she should have bought in the first place.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:27c9a89c-09cb-484a-a6b6-615d2524cc00">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]This isn't your problem.  If the dress doesn't fit her well, she's the one who looks ridiculous, not you.  If she can't wear the dress at all, then she's not in the wedding.  However, if you want to accommodate her, perhaps you can allow her to buy a different dress in the same color.  No way would I pay $300 to get her the size of dress she should have bought in the first place.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    This.  She obviously has some body image issues and is feeling insecure about her size.  I'd let her find a reasonably priced dress in the correct size and same color that she feels fabulous (or at least not so insecure) in.
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  • I had the same problem, and I was actually the one ordering my girls dresses from Pearl's Place. One of my BM's kept insisting she'd be a 10 by the wedding, but I knew she was at least a 16. When I called with measurements the salon told me she needed an 18 or 20 to be safe with her bust. I told them order the 20 and then cut out the size tag before they mailed it to her. Worked like a dream. She has definite body size issues, a lot of it having to do with an E cup- so she has to go way bigger than normal and then take in the waist.

    But ultimately, no- don't pay for this girl's dress- did you get another dress for your MOH? If MOH has a dress and is good, can the seamstress put in a corset back into your larger BM's dress, to make it fit a bit better? Ultimately we all have to face up to weird sizing and body images. When I was MOH for my BFF, I was a freakin' stick insect, and wore a 0-2 in street clothes- I was shocked that according to the chart I needed to order a 10, but you do have to order based on the largest part of your body and the rest is taken in. The number in the dress means nothing.

    Since she screwed up, regardless of reason, she has to pay for it- NOT you, and don't feel badly!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:27c9a89c-09cb-484a-a6b6-615d2524cc00">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]This isn't your problem.  If the dress doesn't fit her well, she's the one who looks ridiculous, not you.  If she can't wear the dress at all, then she's not in the wedding.  However, if you want to accommodate her, perhaps you can allow her to buy a different dress in the same color.  No way would I pay $300 to get her the size of dress she should have bought in the first place.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. I dread what size I'll have to order for my sister's wedding, so I can understand being insecure about dress size. If she is too big for her dress, she'll be the one who looks silly or can't be in the wedding. I suggest being encouraging about losing weight and offering support with healthy eating choices and exercise.
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  • I had to have a dress let out for my sister's wedding.  It was horrible!  I felt like one sneeze and I would split a seam (or two)... Can the seamstress add fabric?  That would be the only way to salvage using the existing dress.

    I agree with PP - do not pay for her bad choice.  If she can't get into the dress, she'll have to be a guest.  

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  • I think it is a little harsh to kick her out of the wedding party just because she can't fit in her dress. Yeah, it was her own fault for ordering the wrong size, but supposedly you asked this girl to be in your wedding party because she is important to you and you would value her presence standing up with you, not because of how she would look in a dress.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:27c9a89c-09cb-484a-a6b6-615d2524cc00">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]This isn't your problem.  If the dress doesn't fit her well, she's the one who looks ridiculous, not you.  If she can't wear the dress at all, then she's not in the wedding.  However, if you want to accommodate her, perhaps you can allow her to buy a different dress in the same color.  No way would I pay $300 to get her the size of dress she should have bought in the first place.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    I agree. It's silly to worry so much about what number is on a tag, especially when wedding related dresses seem to be sized about 3-4 larger than regular clothing anyway. But it was her stupid decision. If she wants to look silly, that's her fault. And if she can't fit into it at all, well, there's the consequece of her vanity. I would not shell out an additional sum of money to fix a problem that shouldn't have happened in the  first place though. Make the link/phone number available to her so she can order a new dress if she chooses, but it's her situation to fix, not yours.
  • I am a bridesmaid in a friends wedding that is 2 weeks before mine.  When we orderd our dresses they would not let me simply order a smaller size, even knowing I was dieting for my own wedding. 

    The bridesmade dress they ordered me way a 20, my own bridal gown is a 14 (I bought it small and fit in it now).  So the BM dress finally came in and now, like I said, its so comically large on me that it cant even be fixed with a simple alteration.  The $250 dress basically needs to be re-made to the tune of $150 bucks.

    Oh and did I mention this was all within 4 months time?  I went from a 20 to a 14.

    Moral of the story, she is a big girl and will lose the weight. If not, its not your issue.  If she cant afford a new one then she is taking herself out of the wedding. 
    image
  • have you looked for the dress on ebay?  maybe you could convince her to get a cheaper back up plan, but hold on to the 14 just in case she does lose the weight (not likely, but we all like to dream).  does the place with the $300 dress ship quickly, if so, tell her that she can even order it like two weeks before the wedding if the current gown is still not fitting.

    you do not need to pay, but if you dont and she wants to stuff herself into it--thats her thing.  i have never been a tight close wearer, but those who are seem to really enjoy it--lol

  • Eh, one of my BMs ordered a 12 even though she measured between 14 and 16. She's working her asss off at the gym, and I don't care. It's her problem. Honestly, I ordered a too-small wedding dress, which wasn't my best decision ever, but...

    Can't the seamstress take the dress out as much as possible? Usually the seems have a LITTLE give to them.
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  • I would not pay the difference for the larger size. It was her own fault. She obviously wasn't a size 10. It doesn't make any sense for a size 16/18 person to think they are a size 10. Bad enough she ordered the size 10 but now she wants a size 14 when she is obviously a 16/18.

    There is no way she is going to lose enough weight to fit into a size 14 in 2 1/2 months. This person needs a strong dose of reality.

    She can't wear the size 14 at the wedding. If she isn't willing to purchase the proper size I would remove her. She is nothing but problems. If she doesn't agree to pay for the new dress, I would also remove her. You don't need these kind of problems.

    The issue isn't just that she will look like a fool at the wedding. That will be a reflection on you and she is going to ruin the look of your wedding party.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:22af56ae-e097-4e2a-a3ba-de902336c94b">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she isn't willing to purchase the proper size I would remove her. She is nothing but problems. If she doesn't agree to pay for the new dress, I would also remove her. You don't need these kind of problems. The issue isn't just that she will look like a fool at the wedding. That will be a reflection on you and she is going to ruin the look of your wedding party.
    Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

    <div>I really can't believe how many people are suggesting kicking her out of the wedding party because she can't wear the dress.  Like yeah, it's her own fault for being deluded about her weight loss, but like I posted earlier, you probably asked her to be a bridesmaid for some reason OTHER than how she would look in the dress, right?  I do not understand how being deluded about her ability to lose weight means she is "nothing but problems."  How she looks in her dress is NOT a reflection on you, and it's not going to ruin anything except possibly how attracted other people are to her.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:b3255b72-c8a9-46b3-af7f-0b93302652bb">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress : I really can't believe how many people are suggesting kicking her out of the wedding party because she can't wear the dress.  Like yeah, it's her own fault for being deluded about her weight loss, but like I posted earlier, you probably asked her to be a bridesmaid for some reason OTHER than how she would look in the dress, right?  I do not understand how being deluded about her ability to lose weight means she is "nothing but problems."  How she looks in her dress is NOT a reflection on you, and it's not going to ruin anything except possibly how attracted other people are to her.
    Posted by damaless[/QUOTE]

    I don't think most people are advising her to kick the BM out of the party, but rather just pointing out that if she doesn't have a dress that she can wear to the wedding, she can't exactly stand up with the rest of them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ordering-small-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e7d8415-60d3-422b-81d8-762a7b90ac24Post:29f34750-4cc5-48aa-b3eb-aad93ce600c7">Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Ordering to small of a dress : I don't think most people are advising her to kick the BM out of the party, but rather just pointing out that if she doesn't have a dress that she can wear to the wedding, she can't exactly stand up with the rest of them.
    Posted by ptrst[/QUOTE]

    Why not? Unless she absolutely refuses to wear anything she owns to the wedding. As long as she's fully clothed, she can stand up in front of people.
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