Bridal Showers/Baby Showers

kristinalily

Okay, so I know the whole "can't invite anyone to a bridal shower that is not invited to the wedding thing" BUT what's the deal with baby showers then? I mean, is that not the same thing? You got pregnant and you're the one having a kid...why is it okay to ask people for gifts for YOUR child. Is it not similar? Obviously, if it was then baby showers shouldn't even happen...so obviously I'm missing something.

apple_green

Would it be better if everyone were invited to the birth? :P

kristinalily

haha well, that's the only thing that woud make sense...according to the etiquette of bridal showers. lol

dmbdbk

I thought baby showers were usually thrown by someone else for the Mother-to-be so it isn't really the new Mother-to-be who is asking for the gifts?

kristinalily

Right, same with bridal showers though right? The bride isn't supposed to throw them.

bel138

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never been invited to one thrown by the expecting couple. That would be poor form, just like for bridal showers. So the etiquette is the same, and if anyone else it telling you differently, they're wrong.

dmbdbk

Yeah that's true. I'm not sure if baby showers are supposed to just be close family and friends and if bridal showers are all the females invited to the wedding either. One of my bridesmaid's is due on August though, and I'm wondering if I can through her a shower

ring_pop

Well the child will probably be around a long time for shower-goers to visit after the birth.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-showersbaby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f6aee9d-bdc3-4d17-9a9b-2e915003edc8Post:94b4c418-b835-4a8d-bd51-e933cbff2cef">Re: Bridal Showers/Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what you're talking about. I've never been invited to one thrown by the expecting couple. That would be poor form, just like for bridal showers. So the etiquette is the same, and if anyone else it telling you differently, they're wrong.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

Not only this, but it's poor etiquette for any member of the mother-to-be's family to host the baby shower. Because then it seems like they're grubbing gifts for their family. It's supposed to be thrown by your friends and/or coworkers.

Mrs.B6302007

I'm confused by the question.  Are you asking what makes up an approrpriate baby shower guest list based on the fact that wedding shower guest lists are smaller versions of the wedding guest list?

kristinalily

Yeah, pretty much. I'm asking why baby showers are even appropriate?

Mrs.B6302007

When is it ever inappropriate to give gifts?

As far as guest lists, baby showers should be made up of family and friends as in people you most likely would have (if they are new friends since the wedding) or did include in your wedding. Of course, no one is required to attend a baby shower so if someone feels it's inappropriate for them to exist, let alone attend one, that person has the right to decline.

Mrs.B6302007

[QUOTE]So why the grumpiness over baby showers?[/QUOTE]

Ditto. 

sophistryliz

I see where you're going with this...it's funny.  Seriously though, I think baby showers are just for really close lady friends of yours and family--people who may actually be there in the waiting room while you're in labor.  This made me giggle.

banana468

Well, part of it might have to do with how bridal showers have also started to get out of hand - since you can see some that are HUGE.

Showers for a bride or an expectant mom are supposed to be more intimate events.  If the guests aren't those that you won't have at the wedding or intend to see sometime shortly after the birth of the baby, they shouldn't be on the list.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-showersbaby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f6aee9d-bdc3-4d17-9a9b-2e915003edc8Post:c6ded188-a444-4681-a8a6-578c22c4289c">Re: Bridal Showers/Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Showers/Baby Showers : Oh good. The voice of reason is here.
Posted by mag920[/QUOTE]

*snort*

kristinalily

sorry, I'm not grumpy about baby showers...I was just invited to one and it got me thinking about how they are similar to wedding showers but almost seem even more gift grabby since the people invited I guess aren't invited to the birth (obviously) or something. Also, made me wonder why it's SO wrong to invite people to a bridal shower that aren't invited to the wedding...but only if you compare it to a baby shower. I was just curious if others had thought about it.

banana468

Like I said, if I'm never going to meet the kid, I can see it as gift grabby.

But every shower I've attended for an expectant mother was for one who was VERY close to me.

bel138

Do WANT to watch the birth of every baby whose shower you've been invited to?  Your sister and your very best friend, maybe. Staring at your cousin or coworkers' vaginas for hours on end? Think about that.

Stackeye210

Although there might not be set rules on a baby shower when it comes to an invite list (of course you wouldn't go too extreme) there are rules to it.  Such as, you only get ONE baby shower, no matter how many kids you have (boy or girl).  If you get technical then kids birthday parties are the same gift grubiness but the parents throw the party and it happens every single year. 

this made me think of a baby shower I'm going to in 2 weeks though.  My MIL is throwing the shower and she told me about this.  The expecting mother was telling the MIL "I don't know" for everything from, decor ideas, menu, guest list.  However, when she was asked cake or cupcakes, she wanted cupcakes and specified they had to say, "HEY GIRL".  I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting baby shower. 

kristinalily

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-showersbaby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f6aee9d-bdc3-4d17-9a9b-2e915003edc8Post:92c871b6-5514-4ebe-83b8-7ba4932e77cc">Re: Bridal Showers/Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]Do WANT to watch the birth of every baby whose shower you've been invited to?  Your sister and your very best friend, maybe. Staring at your cousin or coworkers' vaginas for hours on end? Think about that.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

ummm, no thanks? That would be why I clarified that it was "obvious".  I guess that kind of answers my question though? People actually want to go to your wedding...therefore you only invite them to the shower if they are invited to something they want to go to.

Mrs.B6302007

I think your questioning is coming from the fact that  bridal showers and baby showers are two totally different things and the same invite to shower = invite to wedding rule doesn't apply to invite to the shower=invite to the birth.

You're comparing apples and oranges.  Or maybe vows and vags. ;-)

katiewhompus

I think for me, the difference is the amount of presents. If I go to an engagement party +bridal shower + wedding the couple is getting 3 gifts for the exact same event. I'm then going to be pissed if I'm only invited to one gifting event but not the actual final event.

Baby showers are a one time deal, and I'm perfectly fine with helping a new couple get stocked up on some baby items before the time comes. I'm also assuming I'm close to the couple and will get to see the baby.

If you get rid of ever gift giving event there would be no more Valentine's Day, mother's day /father's day gifts, Birthday Parties, Housewarming parties, hmmm what else?

sucrets4

I'd like to also point out that in many circles, people wind up giving TWO wedding presents - one at the shower and one at the wedding.  Therefore, those could be viewed as more gift grabby.

My baby shower list was more exclusive than my wedding shower one. 

lauralaur

Well, yes you only invite people to the bridal shower who are also invited to the wedding, but wouldn't you also invite people to the baby shower who will meet and enjoy time with your child? You wouldn't invite uncle Bob who you have not seen in 10 years nor will you see in the next 10 years.

And I'm not sure that the point about asking people to give gifts to/for your child applies as gifts given at the bridal shower are for the bride (and groom). Neither are thrown by the honored couple.