Military best man's attire

bekah1757

My fiancees brother is also his best man and wants to wear his dress blues in the ceremony. I asked him not to because I feel it would detract attention from us on our day, and i just prefer all the groomsmen match. He would be the only one dressed differently out of 4 groomsmen. My fiancee completely agrees with me.

However his family thinks that we should be honored to have him in dress blues and we are being selfish. Am i being unreasonable by asking that he dress like everyone else?

Night_Sprite

Yes.  You are being unreasonable.

janedoe1113a

Traditionally, unless the groom is wearing military attire, the bridal party isn't supposed to either. 

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but it would be a nice gesture to let him wear them.

alixzafiris

Yes, you're being completely ridiculous about this. He's earned the right to wear the things and really, barring a nuclear explosion or a flock of flying pigs, I sincerely doubt one man in dress blues is going to draw your guests attention from the two of you.

sucrets4

Whoa, guess you wear the pants in your relationship, huh? 

You do realize that they don't HAVE to match, right?  And that by saying no, you look like an ungrateful bridezilla?

sucrets4

omg, I just re read and realized that it's FBIL.  Yeah, I would NOT want to piss off my inlaws like that.  It's not worth it for matching pictures.

brookelynpaisley

Yes, you're being unreasonable. Everyone at your wedding will know that you are getting married, the eyes will be on you. You're being a bridezilla. It's not worth the argument with the family. Your FBIL has earned the right to wear those dress blues, and it's an honor for him to do so. Let this go, choose another battle.

duckie1905

Tell him no.  NO ONE (not even your FBIL who I'm sure served his country with honor and pride) should steal your thunder.

or

Do the right thing and understand that in the long run, your relationship with your in-laws is much more important than your FBIL wearing his dress blues.  No one is going to confuse you, upstage you, or spend more time talking about how gorgeous your FBIL looks or how much more handsome he is than the groom.  People aren't idiots-they know who is getting married.

brookelynpaisley

Aaaaaand, you have a fiance, not a fiancee.

sucrets4

Also, this is something that your fiance and his brother discuss and figure out.  Why is this already a family issue??

beatlesgirl25

Whew, thank goodness they are dress blues. If they were dress whites, then people would be really confused about who is getting married.

tortis

You will be wearing a wedding dress. I feel like you may even be planning on wearing a tiara. You and your husband will be the ones exchanging vows, having your first dance, GETTING MARRIED. Nothing is going to take attention away from you.

I personally would feel honored that FBIL would view my wedding as an event that is important enough for him to wear his dress uniform.

mags0607

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:b0e0163e-848e-4953-878b-7d64d9453f1f">Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancees brother is also his best man and wants to wear his dress blues in the ceremony. I asked him not to because I feel it would detract attention from us on our day, and i just prefer all the groomsmen match. He would be the only one dressed differently out of 4 groomsmen. My fiancee completely agrees with me. However his family thinks that we should be honored to have him in dress blues and we are being selfish. Am i being unreasonable by asking that he dress like everyone else?
Posted by bekah1757[/QUOTE]

JIC

mwhitson14

Did you just seriously say detract attention?! Girl. My brother is a Guard member, and while I have no idea if he will want to wear his dress blues or not, I don't care if he does. And if he gets some attention?! Who the fuuck cares! He's serving our country! He could get shipped off to war any second! LET him have some attention, he deserves it.

mags0607

I would let your FBIL wear his dress blues. The notion that a man in a uniform would detract from a woman in a BIG WHITE DRESS is ridiculous. It sounds like you are more interested in how your wedding looks than the people in it. Just because you are getting married, don't be a bridezilla. Is it really worth it to piss off your FILs? I would let FBIL wear his dress blues and be honored that he is serving our country.

tortis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:23e5da2a-5581-4e5c-9024-1b0af38085bf">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE] And if he gets some attention?! Who the fuuck cares! He's serving our country! He could get shipped off to war any second! LET him have some attention, he deserves it.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just because I think it needs reiterating. 

</div>

tenofcups4me

Once again, I'm in the minority, but I don't see why he has to wear his work uniform to attend a wedding. Because ultimately that's what it is -- his WORK uniform. Surgeons don't wear their scrubs, cops don't wear their uniforms, I don't see why the military is any different. Since you and your FH agree, then leave it to FH to discuss it with his brother and you stay out of it, or you'll be the one perceived as the bitch.

squirrly

Yes, you're being unreasonable.

You should let it be your FBIL's call.  Dress blues are the army version of a tux. 

Think about it this way - you don't match the BMs.  Why shouldn't your groom get to stand out a bit from the groomsmen?  At least that's one person that any of your friends/family who haven't met your FI will not confuse him for. 

Oh, and my FI is army, and has worn dress blues and tuxes to be in weddings.  The only one who insisted on a tux was a groomzilla, and people asked FI all night why he wasn't in uniform.  Groomzilla looked like an ass when FI and I kept saying "Because XXX decided on tuxes" and the other guests thought it was absurd.

mwhitson14

Tencups, it is NOT like a work uniform. It's not like he's going to show up in his regular camo dress. Dress blues are essentially the suit of the military. Also, this is someone who puts their life on the line fighting for our country. FWIW, I would essentially allow the same thing for a police officer, because I feel like certain professions deserve a level of respect.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:c87f0c75-2ede-4899-b33d-6d5bf43c9ea4">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Once again, I'm in the minority, but I don't see why he has to wear his work uniform to attend a wedding. Because ultimately that's what it is -- his WORK uniform. Surgeons don't wear their scrubs, cops don't wear their uniforms, I don't see why the military is any different. Since you and your FH agree, then leave it to FH to discuss it with his brother and you stay out of it, or you'll be the one perceived as the bitch.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

ten - it's a sign of respect.

tenofcups4me

It's a "fancy" work uniform. He's not on duty at the wedding.  I personally would find it odd and out of place for someone to be wearing a military uniform at a purely social function.

mwhitson14

It's not a fancy work uniform. They don't work in their dress blue.

sucrets4

I wouldn't find it odd at all. 

I'm not a military person, nor is anyone in my family, but I can understand how someone would prefer to wear that at a dress up event.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:e4313372-98c5-41c5-a844-80b99303736e">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not a fancy work uniform. They don't work in their dress blue.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Exactly. These are worn to show honor and respect, and quite a bit of work goes into making sure it passes inspection. My dad would polish each button of his dress greens by hand, along with his shoes and pressing other things. I would be honored to have someone put that much time and care into looking nice for my wedding.

tortis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:c87f0c75-2ede-4899-b33d-6d5bf43c9ea4">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Surgeons don't wear their scrubs, cops don't wear their uniforms, I don't see why the military is any different.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't know that I would compare surgeons to cops and military personnel. When surgeons wear scrubs, that is their normal, everyday work attire (like the camo uniforms that whitson mentioned). Dress uniforms are NOT the same. They are a way of showing the utmost respect. People don't have the same associations viewing scrubs as they do dress uniforms. My grandfather was a retired police officer and was buried in his uniform and you better believe that meant something to all of us.</div><div>
</div><div>(This is not t take away from the work that surgeons do, I know that they too save lives every single day.)</div>

ring_pop

Dress blues aren't just a fancy "work" uniform. Marines have different dress uniforms that are prescribed for social functions at which civilians would normally wear white tie and black tie attire.

As a civilian, I would highly respect anyone that came to a wedding or other social function in dress blues, the same way I would respect any other member of the armed forces that I might meet on the street.

OP, yes you are being ridiculous. Let him wear his dress blues.

mwhitson14

Tortis, eye to eye. And I want your puppy.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:f5f1b008-af92-480d-a940-c71538cbeaa3">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a "fancy" work uniform. He's not on duty at the wedding.  I personally would find it odd and out of place for someone to be wearing a military uniform at a purely social function.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Incorrect.  My FI is on duty any time he's not on leave.  So, we will be attending a couple of weddings here in Louisville this spring, and he will legally be on duty at all of those.  He will have his blackberry, and could have to leave at any time.  Even when on leave he can be recalled at a whim.

A military dress uniform is really just a different sort of tux.  One that you have to earn the right to wear by being in the military. 

I suppose you'd have found this odd and out of place, but no one at the wedding we went to this past summer did.

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SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:fc327517-efc0-4103-8a2c-65b5abc45c43">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re A military dress uniform is really just a different sort of tux.  One that you have to earn the right to wear by being in the military.  Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

My cousin got married in his Navy whites, and his GM were in their blues, as far as I remember. And it was a formal wedding. Dress uniforms ARE equivalent to a tux. I have seen them at black tie affairs for work and plenty of weddings. We are thinking of asking same cousin to be an usher, and he is welcome to wear his whites or blues or a regular suit, whatever he is more comfortable wearing.

I guess coming from a military family, I can understand that, though. Check out wiki.. it can help you.. notice the sections labeled Full Dress and Dinner Dress
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniforms_of_the_United_States_Navy">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniforms_of_the_United_States_Navy</a>

bekah1757

ok.. i was just wondering if i was being unreasonable thats why i asked. its not like i have no respect for the military bc both my parents retired from it. They were not even thinking of wearing their dress blues so when the FBIL insisted he wanted to wear them i didnt see why everyone made a huge deal about how he should wear them.

But i will definitely consider letting him wear them since it is so important to him. Everyone made good points.

cukimerrydoll

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_military-mans-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f95df07-245e-4e08-81e8-79c75df58da0Post:21b1527c-2b0e-47e0-a7c6-ade274438ab3">Re: Military best man's attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Whew, thank goodness they are dress blues. If they were dress whites, then people would be really confused about who is getting married.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]
LOL...
They have dress whites in the Navy (and dress blues too).

My grandpa wore dress blues in his brothers' weddings, and his dress whites in his own (that's how I know it's a Navy thing... not sure about other branches).

Let him wear them!