Is a bouquet toss required?

zavie1

Did you attend a small wedding that didn’t have a bouquet toss and what was the general reaction to this?

Irishcurls

Nope, not required. There hasn't been one in the last few wedding I went to, I didn't even notice.

Edited because I posted before I was done.

cengle

Nope. Not required. I didn't want to do one, but my mother was horrified at the idea of not doing one. So I did, to make her happy.

Mrs.B6302007

Definitely required.  Not having one makes negates the signing of the certificate.

j/k


Nope, skipping this is fine.  The most common alternative is an Anniversary Dance where the DJ has all married couples dance and then counts down backwards by how many years of marriage until the longest married couple remains.  The wife would get the bouquet. Even that is optional, though.

zavie1

I don’t want to do it because the banquet is beautiful and it is costing me a lot of money…yup, I don’t want to part with it. I want to put it in our stateroom on the cruise ship. I have a feeling someone is going to ask…”oh what about the bouquet toss”…Not sure how to respond without sounding rude…any advice? I’ve already said to my 8 guests that this is not a traditional wedding

slwager

does anyone like this?  i am among the first of my friends to get married so i'd have plenty of ladies that are single/in relationships/engaged.

still, i think it's kind of silly

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:35822bf7-1ad3-4846-889e-e660963ddaeb">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don’t want to do it because the banquet is beautiful and it is costing me a lot of money…yup, I don’t want to part with it. I want to put it in our stateroom on the cruise ship. I have a feeling someone is going to ask…”oh what about the bouquet toss”…Not sure how to respond without sounding rude…any advice? I’ve already said to my 8 guests that this is not a traditional wedding
Posted by zavie1[/QUOTE]

Another option is to have a silk bouquet specifically for the "toss". Honestly, I don't think anyone's going to ask about it.  The toss is one of THE most awkward moments at a wedding.  Nothing like forcing all the single gals to fight for a bunch of flowers.  No one will miss it.

Meg1036

Only 8 guests?  Then I definitely wouldn't do it.

Just say something like "We don't want to interrupt the dancing/dinner/mingling/whatever your doing for the bouquet toss."  I wouldn't mention anything about keeping your bouquet.

If you *want* to do a bouquet toss and keep your bouquet, you could get a small toss bouquet made (this is very common).

scottswife1106

Usually your florist will give you a toss bouquet.

I didn't do one. We gave the garter and toss bouquet to the longest married couple at the wedding.

jessicabessica

I'm not having a bouquet toss because I don't them (hoping my marriage will still be valid).  If you want to do one but not part with your bouquet, you can always get an inexpensive bouquet for it. 

zavie1

 Mrs.B6302007/Meg1036 -
Great idea..Will definitely ask florist to make one.

Thanks!

cengle

You could get a toss bouquet, usually smaller than the bridal bouquet.

But if you don't want to do one, you don't have to. I HATED going up for the bouquet toss before I got married, but I was always pressured into going up there anyway. I never thought it was fun like others did, with the exception of the wedding I went to just a few months before my own. The bride was my roommate in college, and she aimed for me That was fun, because I really was getting married next.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:a8854eba-8de6-4568-a748-2e70cbb1f00c">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]does anyone like this?  i am among the first of my friends to get married so i'd have plenty of ladies that are single/in relationships/engaged. still, i think it's kind of silly
Posted by slwager[/QUOTE]

I think it's silly.  The last wedding I attended was FI's (younger) brother's, and I was already getting lots of questions about when my then-BF was going to propose, which is annoying on its own.  For the bouquet toss, the DJ kept saying that every lady had to be out there if she wasn't married (engaged, committed relationship, didn't matter).  I stepped outside for that part. 

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:49c04128-b421-4395-a2a7-b29f42b4f8c8">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is a bouquet toss required? : I think it's silly.  The last wedding I attended was FI's (younger) brother's, and I was already getting lots of questions about when my then-BF was going to propose, which is annoying on its own. <strong> For the bouquet toss, the DJ kept saying that every lady had to be out there if she wasn't married (engaged, committed relationship, didn't matter).  I stepped outside for that part. </strong>
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Ugh, that is so annoying. Everyone's all "You HAVE to go up there!!" STFU. I don't have to do anything. Let me sit here and drink my wine in peace.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:54328075-9f2a-48ba-8847-1818aaaa1960">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is a bouquet toss required? : Ugh, that is so annoying. Everyone's all "You HAVE to go up there!!" STFU. I don't have to do anything. Let me sit here and drink my wine in peace.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

Also, I have conflicting views on the relative importance of marriage, so unless you want to debate the merits and flaws of the institution of marriage with me, don't tell me I need to get up for the bouquet toss if I don't have a wedding band on my finger. 

b0710

I'm not having one because I pseronally don't like them.  Of your 8 people, are they all single?  If not, it's not like trying to catch a bouquet even makes sense.  I would definitely skip it. 

noodle_oo

We didn't do it.  My friends HATE the bouquet toss.  We're older so a lot of people hate being "singled out" as not married yet.  I wasn't going to embarass my friends by doing it.  I think it can be fun for a younger crowd, but after a certain age, not so much anymore.

Bkseller13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:35822bf7-1ad3-4846-889e-e660963ddaeb">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don’t want to do it because the banquet is beautiful and it is costing me a lot of money…yup, I don’t want to part with it. <strong>I want to put it in our stateroom on the cruise ship</strong>. I have a feeling someone is going to ask…”oh what about the bouquet toss”…Not sure how to respond without sounding rude…any advice? I’ve already said to my 8 guests that this is not a traditional wedding
Posted by zavie1[/QUOTE]

Check with the cruise ship first!  There's lots of rules about bringing plants, flowers and fruits across international borders.  (Worries about non-native bugs and molds etc.)  You'd HATE to bring it to the ship and then have to throw it out in order to get on board.

tayylor65

It's not required.  A cute idea though that a few florists gave me, was rather than throwing your bouquet or a "toss bouquet" you can hold a handful of individual white roses or favorite hardy flower and toss so that all the ladies would have a flower to take home.  

Either way it's not a big deal whether you do anything or not though.  I'm not doing the bouquet toss, the garter thing, or any traditional dances besides our 1st dance.  

mica178

I hate the bouquet toss, so there was no way I was doing it.  No one minded, they were too busy enjoying the music and open bar. 

ChickenOnSunday

I hated bouquet tosses. My florist made me a replica of my bouquet (only smaller) for the bouquet toss. This was their gift to me for the wedding. Well, that freebie became decoration for my wedding cake. Worked out great.

zavie1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:f36a7579-7566-401a-9067-bb001b6f947a">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not having one because I pseronally don't like them.  <strong>Of your 8 people, are they all single? </strong> If not, it's not like trying to catch a bouquet even makes sense.  I would definitely skip it. 
Posted by b0710[/QUOTE]

Yes.
I'm going to take the advice of the ladies and get a cheaper bouquet to toss just in case anyone asks the question.

zavie1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:80d922ef-4375-4831-b83e-d2dad8dac424">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is a bouquet toss required? : Check with the cruise ship first!  There's lots of rules about bringing plants, flowers and fruits across international borders.  (Worries about non-native bugs and molds etc.)  You'd HATE to bring it to the ship and then have to throw it out in order to get on board.
Posted by Bkseller13[/QUOTE]

O.M.G will definitely call RC tonight about this. I would be so pissed! Thank you for the heads up.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I didn't do one. One person mentioned it, but I don't believe anyone was upset by it.

[Deleted User]

I hate bouquet tosses. I always felt singled out (pardon the pun).  It makes your friends who are not married feel awkward and uncomfortable. Especially now that we're in our 30s. We're definitely not having one.

tenofcups4me

I've attended large and small weddings with no bouquet toss. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't actually remember the last time I saw someone do one. I didn't one at my first wedding. No one said a word about it. I doubt anyone even noticed one way or the other.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bouquet-toss-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60871ab8-b411-4475-9397-454da5c0d108Post:14d85642-53e6-444c-bd5a-046bbf380b88">Re: Is a bouquet toss required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate bouquet tosses. I always felt singled out (pardon the pun).  It makes your friends who are not married feel awkward and uncomfortable. Especially now that we're in our 30s. We're definitely not having one.
Posted by trinitygc[/QUOTE]

This is how I feel. There will be about four single women. Plus, at least at the weddings I've been to, it's so awkward. The bouquet flies and everyone takes a step back like it's contagious.

mrjcre2011

I went to a wedding recently where one of the bride's good guy friends got in on the bouquet toss. He is gay and has always associated himself more as one of the girls. No one seemed to care except the DJ who heckled him until he left the floor. Only then would he let the bride do the toss. Unacceptable behavior, if you ask me.

Not doing a toss is fine. If you want to do one, but want to keep your bouquet, get another bouquet specifically for the toss. Our florist is throwing in a toss bouquet for free since we are spending a certain amount of money. You can also buy silk flowers and put one together yourself at a fraction of the cost.

Personally, I love the bouquet/garter toss. Last year at my FSIL's wedding, I caught the bouquet and my FI (then-BF) caught the garter. Totally not planned, but it was a memorable thing. Three days later we were engaged. No one will even think about it if you don't have one, and if you do have one, the people who tend to participate enjoy it so it's fun.

twohollydays

Many single women feel put on the spot by it. 

RebeccaB88

I'm having a large wedding, and I have no intention of doing it. 

Funny... at my sister's wedding about 10 years ago, somehow (we have no idea how) our 80+ year old, widowed great-great aunt managed to catch the bouquet.  It was a wonderful moment for the family, and wouldn't you guess... she was the next one in the family to get married!  Even before her younger grandkids and grandnieces/nephews.  (And me. )

4n6chick

Definitely not required.  I certainly won't be doing one (and there sure as HELL will not be a garter toss).  I don't remember the last wedding I was at that had one.

I think the only time I was disappointed there wasn't one was when a good friend of mine got married about 10 years ago - I was of course much younger and she was the first of the group to get married.  She simply said "it's not a tradition in my family" and that was that.  No worries about being rude, just that it's not something they did.  I certainly couldn't argue with that!  (not that I would have tried)

I think the anniversary dance is a neat idea, but I probably won't do that either.  My father died late last year, and he and my mother were married nearly 40 years.  There's a good chance that of all the people coming to the wedding, theirs would have been one of the longest (my maternal grandparents are deceased and my paternal grandparents no longer travel).  It just seems like it would be rubbing salt in the wound to do that dance in front of her.  It will be hard enough that day without my dad!