ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help

SuzyQ2013

So my Fiance and I are heading back to my hometown to get hitched! We really dont have much money and will be there for a week. We decided just yesterday that we were going to really do this while we are up there visiting. Our flight leaves at around 1 this afternoon! Yesterday, I was busy finding a dress (settled on a bridesmaid dress) and we got our rings.... (our jeweler actually let us take a ring for me as a loaner due to my ring not being completed yet and my Fiances' Dad actually had one he was going to give him anyway!!!)

So we are heading to Upstate NY from central Texas here in a few hours, but I'm at a bit of a loss on what we should do. Like I said, we dont really have the money for a big, festive soiree. We both have been married before, so it works for us. I would like to figure something out to possibly have dinner at a local restaurant, but we cant really pay for anyone else and I dont want to sound rude. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what I should do?? BTW, I havent told any of my family of our upcoming plans yet.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:61efe880-35f0-4ec1-b538-d47b8a5c95b4">ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Fiance and I are heading back to my hometown to get hitched! We really dont have much money and will be there for a week. We decided just yesterday that we were going to really do this while we are up there visiting. Our flight leaves at around 1 this afternoon! Yesterday, I was busy finding a dress (settled on a bridesmaid dress) and we got our rings.... (our jeweler actually let us take a ring for me as a loaner due to my ring not being completed yet and my Fiances' Dad actually had one he was going to give him anyway!!!) So we are heading to Upstate NY from central Texas here in a few hours, but I'm at a bit of a loss on what we should do. Like I said, we dont really have the money for a big, festive soiree. We both have been married before, so it works for us. I would like to figure something out to possibly have dinner at a local restaurant, but we cant really pay for anyone else and I dont want to sound rude. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what I should do?? BTW, I havent told any of my family of our upcoming plans yet.
Posted by SuzyQ2013[/QUOTE]


Just the two of you should go to dinner after your ceremony if you cannot afford to host anyone else.  Anyone you invite to your ceremony should be properly hosted somehow.  that can be lunch after the ceremony, or dinner.  Or you can gather back at someone's house and order in pizza and beer. But, if you cannot afford to host your ceremony guests, then don't have any guests.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:61efe880-35f0-4ec1-b538-d47b8a5c95b4">ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Fiance and I are heading back to my hometown to get hitched! We really dont have much money and will be there for a week. We decided just yesterday that we were going to really do this while we are up there visiting. Our flight leaves at around 1 this afternoon! Yesterday, I was busy finding a dress (settled on a bridesmaid dress) and we got our rings.... (our jeweler actually let us take a ring for me as a loaner due to my ring not being completed yet and my Fiances' Dad actually had one he was going to give him anyway!!!) So we are heading to Upstate NY from central Texas here in a few hours, but I'm at a bit of a loss on what we should do. Like I said, we dont really have the money for a big, festive soiree. We both have been married before, so it works for us. I would like to figure something out to possibly have dinner at a local restaurant, but we cant really pay for anyone else and I dont want to sound rude. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what I should do?? BTW, I havent told any of my family of our upcoming plans yet.
Posted by SuzyQ2013[/QUOTE]
If you can't pay for anyone else then you can't invite anyone else to the ceremony.  Anybody you invite to the ceremony has to be appropriately hosted in some way.  If you do your ceremony in the afternoon (e.g. 2 pm) you can follow it with a short cake and punch reception; because your ceremony and reception wouldn't be at a meal time you wouldn't have to feed your guests a meal.  You cannot have your reception at a restaurant and not pay for your guests, however.

McRogol

COngratulations!  I love your spontaneity!  What part of Upstate NY?  I'm from there as well!  

I agree with PP and think Viczaesar's idea of cake and punch to celebrate aftward is an excellent idea!

STARMOON44

I don't understand how you can afford a flight, rings, and a new dress, but you can't afford to take your sets of parents out to dinner to celebrate.  Recalibrate those priorities!  It doesn't need to be fancy.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:bf5850f6-6b26-464b-9d58-4db4fc952a56">Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand how you can afford a flight, rings, and a new dress, but you can't afford to take your sets of parents out to dinner to celebrate.  Recalibrate those priorities!  It doesn't need to be fancy.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

This.

renegade gaucho

Why not postpone the wedding for a few months until you've saved up a little more money?

beachwed10

Knowing my parents...they would much rather not be fed afterwards than not be there. In my opinion, etiquette doesn't matter with your parents.  If my child was getting married, I would be upset if the only reason I wasn't invited was because they couldn't afford to take me out to dinner afterwards. Come on now.

beachwed10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:edcf0473-9c62-4dd1-b60e-29098c65308d">Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help : Etiquette is about treating people with consideration, it especially matters with family, they are the most important people. It doesn't have to be a fancy dinner. If they have the money to fly to NY from Texas, they have the money to buy their parents dinner at Olive Garden. If not, they are mismanaging their money.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I'm referring to the overzealous etiquette that is spewed on these boards. Are you honestly going to tell me your parents wouldn't want to be invited because a dinner/cake/lunch wasn't included? If so then I feel sorry for you.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:964f97fa-f776-44de-a614-cde6b240587f">Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help : I'm referring to the overzealous etiquette that is spewed on these boards. Are you honestly going to tell me your parents wouldn't want to be invited because a dinner/cake/lunch wasn't included? If so then I feel sorry for you.
Posted by beachwed10[/QUOTE]

No one said that.  Parents love their children no matter what, so I'm sure the parents would want to come even if the children didn't feed them afterwards.

But does that make it appropriate?  No.  I think a person who wants their parents to be there would find some way to also feed them afterwards.  We're talking about $50 here. 

zantster

Because of custom I think it would be awkward to tell guests to come with you both for a meal afterwards and then shift their bill over to them. Is your inability to pay based on how many you plan to invite?  Could you scale down your invite list to just immediate family and pay for them?  I usually never advocate the use of a credit card.  But if you're just paying for 4 people (parents) that might not be a bad idea for a way to pay their meal at a place like what PP said, Olive Garden, then pay it off as soon as the bill comes when you get back.  That can't be more than a bit over a hundred dollars at most.  I would definitely not say don't invite them to the ceremony.  But if you can't pay for their meal then you and your then DH could just have a lovely meal on your own afterwards and see them later before you leave town. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:609992e2-6693-49a0-9efb-46e32ef2cb64Post:964f97fa-f776-44de-a614-cde6b240587f">Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ELOPING.... BACKWARDS!!! Please Help : I'm referring to the overzealous etiquette that is spewed on these boards. Are you honestly going to tell me your parents wouldn't want to be invited because a dinner/cake/lunch wasn't included? If so then I feel sorry for you.
Posted by beachwed10[/QUOTE]

Oh please. My parents would come no matter what. They'd probably even end up paying after regardless of whether or not I offered. However, they'd probably also SERIOUSLY doubt my judgement if I was getting married yet could not even afford a trip to a pizza place afterwords to celebrate.

And do tell. What other overzealous etiquette is bugging you? I'm really intrigued to hear.

Kate61487

Ditto PPs - there are a lot of ways you can handle this properly AND invite your parents.  Do it on the cheap - someone already mentioned you can have everyone back to the house and order pizza; that's fine.  Keep it small - who absolutely MUST be there?  You really can't afford a lunch at Chili's for that list?  Do it at a non-meal time - 2pm cake (that you bought at the grocery store) is totally fine. 

What you CAN'T do is invite everyone to your ceremony and then the two of you go off to celebrate either without everyone or with everyone but stick them with a bill.

AddieCake

Ditto PPs. Surely you can manage to buy your parents dinner. And odds are they will actually end up offering to buy YOU dinner.