Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help

My fiancee and I had originally decided we would have about 250 guests at our wedding...and that is what are budget has been based on. Now our guest list has grown to 330 guest (and this number only includes family, close friends and some co-workers)...the problem is that we have already sent out save the dates to the majority of people we had planned to invite, now that we are way over our budget for the reception, we need to make cuts. Is it inappropriate to not invite some of the people whom we have already given save the dates to?? I think it would be very rude but i kind of have no other option...Please any suggestions!!??

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Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help

  • It's rude and people are going to assume they're getting an invite, which means they're might be making arrangements to come.  I'm not going to scold you about managing your STDs and guestlist because it's your wedding, not my place or business to say rude things about what you could have done.  The damage is done, but here is some good news:  Every wedding professional I've dealt with, from wedding planners, to banquet managers to DJ's say that an average of 20-25% of the invitees will not actually attend.  Also, you might want to give some out of town relatives and people who aren't likely to come a call, let them know you are sending out invites and see what their plans are (out of town people are less likely to come, statistically).  You could get lucky and end up just at or just above 250..otherwise, you will need to shave down the list by excluding people who did not receive STDs. 
  • SKPMSKPM member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    You must invite everyone who got a STD, period. You ought to find other ways to trim the guest list and/or budget.

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  • If you sent them an STD, you must send them an invitation. 

    Also, plan for 100% attendance, despite what statistics tell you. Even if you called someone to ask them to RSVP now, that could change later. Some people who think they can't make it might end up getting the weekend free, finding gas money, etc. It's hard to depend on an RSVP when it's 4-5 months in advance.

    You might have to find a new venue and/or make some cuts in other areas (dress, flowers, invitations, etc).

    Good luck! :)
  • Thank you for all of the advice! Smile I will just just hope for the best and that 20% will decline
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:2af968d2-5328-47f0-b2a4-dcdc67aaabe9">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for all of the advice!  I will just just hope for the best and that 20% will decline
    Posted by tchea[/QUOTE]

    Also, shave off "guests" for single friends.   If they're not in a relationship with anyone it's not rude to invite them without a guest.  If the STD said "Bob Smith and Guest" but Bob is single, you might want to address it with him by letting him know it was a typo :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:2af968d2-5328-47f0-b2a4-dcdc67aaabe9">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for all of the advice!  I will just just hope for the best and that 20% will decline
    Posted by tchea[/QUOTE]
    What are you going to do if only 10% decline? You really need to get a hold of this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:d6ebadf9-537f-4579-9226-9e65bba310b4">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you including children in your head count? If so what about making it adult only?
    Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

    The invitation will include "adult only" reception
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:11bd0eaa-3710-4578-b099-2c18a682807a">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help : I really don't think this is the best idea.   Even if 20% decline, if you invite 330 people, you will have 264 guests.  Will your venue hold that many, plus your DJ, photographer(s), videographer(s), etc.?  Does that number include you and your FI?   Will your budget cover 264 people?   What if only 10% decline, or 15 of your single guests now have significant others (as you can't invite someone without their SO)?   Not to mention - your venue may not legally be allowed to hold that many people, so you will be without a venue.  Some venues say they hold a certain amount of people, but it's so cramped and crowded when filled to the maximum that it will be uncomfortable for you and your guests.   I think you need to find a new venue if you insist on inviting 330 people.  
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    My venue can hold up to 600 people...so that is not an issue. We can budget for 264 people even to about 275 but not 330.
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  • I don't think it's rude to call certain out of town family members to see if they're planning on coming (note I didn't say everyone). Two cousins already called me to let me know their companies require them to put in for vacation before close of first quarter, so they can't request additional vacation until next year and won't be able to come. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:6780cda6-29a9-422e-8875-1ec779c1c58c">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help : Also, shave off "guests" for single friends.   If they're not in a relationship with anyone it's not rude to invite them without a guest.  If the STD said "Bob Smith and Guest" but Bob is single, you might want to address it with him by letting him know it was a typo :)
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]
    If she sent an STD to "Bob and Guest", he might have already invited the guest. To rescind that invitation is rude. What if the guest has already scheduled vacation time and paid for a plane ticket?<div>
    </div><div>Nobody would believe it's a typo either. If a friend pulled that excuse on me, I'd roll my eyes pretty hard.</div>
  • Regardless of whether you're invited with guest or not, it's pretty inconsiderate/rude to show up with a "guest" who isn't your significant other, unless you're coming from out of town and don't know anyone.  None of my friends would do it. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:e6daabfc-103d-4e09-a964-4383bcb90dca">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regardless of whether you're invited with guest or not, it's pretty inconsiderate/rude to show up with a "guest" who isn't your significant other, unless you're coming from out of town and don't know anyone.  None of my friends would do it. 
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]
    If someone invites me plus a guest, why is it rude to bring a guest? They were invited, after all.<div>
    </div><div>It's only rude to bring a guest if they <strong>weren't</strong> invited.</div>
  • OP, listen to the advice that you feel fits your situation because only you know your guests/situation best.  There are a bunch of girls who are miserable with their lives, wedding planning stress or lack of wedding planning or whatever they have going on.  I am interested to know how it turned out.  Hoping for the best.  GL!
  • I am not miserable with my life, thankyouverymuch. I just abhor bad advice.
  • tchea --

    There are a lot of ways to trim your budget to accomodate more guests.   For now, assume that all 330 invited guests will show up, and budget for that.   You may need to have smaller centerpieces, tweak your menu, skip favors, offer beer and wine instead of a full bar, scrap the limo, get a smaller photography package, etc.    However, if you have a higher decline rate than you expected, you can start adding some things back in (or just save the money you would have spent on your honeymoon).


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:e6daabfc-103d-4e09-a964-4383bcb90dca">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regardless of whether you're invited with guest or not, it's pretty inconsiderate/rude to show up with a "guest" who isn't your significant other, unless you're coming from out of town and don't know anyone.  None of my friends would do it. 
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

    Huh? No. You really do give horrible advice.
  • pgcppgcp member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:1504a466-3765-4359-9a6a-0b6aa2ab4b27">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help : Huh? No. You really do give horrible advice.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
    It looks like there is now a need to follow up not only kristen#s's posts but also lalaweddingdiva's as well to warn people not to listen to either's advice.
  • You can not dis-invite someone you sent a  save the date to, You already told them, Save the Date. Some have probably taken off of work already or made arrangements for hotels, travel, or have possibly turned down other plans because you told them, "hey, you are invited to our wedding"..

    At this point you either have to find more money, find a cheaper venue, or cut back in other ways to accommodate the people you already told to save the date.
  • lala gives horrible etiquette advice. OP, don't listen to her.

    Find other ways to trim your budget. You must invite everyone that you sent STDs to.
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    Lala -- It's really rude to rescind an "and guest" if you included one on the STD. On the flip side, it's NOT rude to bring a guest -- SO or not -- if you were invited with one. I have at least three of my friends bringing guests who are just friends of their's, not love interests. How is that rude? I gave them the option to bring a guest, I don't get to specify who that guest is.

    OP -- Everyone who got a STD gets an invite. I would trim the list from the add-ons that you've added since STDs went out because presumably those folks aren't expecting an invitation.

    You do need to plan for 100% attendance. It's good your venue can fit the increased bodies, but if your budget truly can't, you should cut the list before invitations go out just to save yourself the stress of not knowing. When my RSVP cards started coming in, we were very close to 100%. I was shocked at the amount of OOT guests were coming in that I figured wouldn't. You just never know so you need to be prepared.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:a98d444d-c620-4b3e-ba1f-7aa928f42df9">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's rude and people are going to assume they're getting an invite, which means they're might be making arrangements to come.  I'm not going to scold you about managing your STDs and guestlist because it's your wedding, not my place or business to say rude things about what you could have done.  The damage is done, but here is some good news:  <strong>Every wedding professional I've dealt with, from wedding planners, to banquet managers to DJ's say that an average of 20-25% of the invitees will not actually attend.  </strong>Also, you might want to give some out of town relatives and people who aren't likely to come a call, let them know you are sending out invites and see what their plans are (out of town people are less likely to come, statistically).  You could get lucky and end up just at or just above 250..otherwise, you will need to shave down the list by excluding people who did not receive STDs. 
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

    Just wanted to give an example. We invited 300 people to our wedding. We are getting married in Chicago when the NATO/ G8 summit will be here (it was planned long before the G8 summit was moved. So we thought a lot of people wouldn't make it.

    Now RSVP cards are still coming in, but we have almost everyone's. The only people we are missing are close family and wedding party who we know are for sure coming so they haven't bothered to send them in yet. Out of 300 people invite.... <strong>ONLY 6 PEOPLE HAVE DECLINED.  </strong>OP, do not plan on 20% declining some times it just doesn't happen. People surprise you and make the trip.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:e6daabfc-103d-4e09-a964-4383bcb90dca">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regardless of whether you're invited with guest or not, it's pretty inconsiderate/rude to show up with a "guest" who isn't your significant other, unless you're coming from out of town and don't know anyone.  None of my friends would do it. 
    Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, but what the holy hell are you talking about? In NO way is it rude to show up with a guest if you are invited with a guest. Regardless if it's your SO or not. OP, your guest list does not magically grow. If you added on 80 more people then you need to invite all of them. You can't take back STD's. GL and hopefully it all works out for you.
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:d32a9a3a-54f4-428a-aefa-0a54308bee94">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yaga, your head is too pretty to beat against a brick wall.  ;)  She's going to do what she wants to do.  Clearly etiquette is not her strong point, nor is planning. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]


    Wow really!!??...clearly respect is not YOUR strong point!! Who the hell do you think you are to judge someone!? Furthermore, if you have nothing useful to say about a post then you need not to comment...
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  • sbelle85sbelle85 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012

    I was just reading the responses on this thread, and I have to say that it's disappointing how rude and catty some of the posters on here can be. Most people I know were able to recognize by about 7th grade that making completely unsolicited, mean spirited remarks about people wasn't cool or funny, so I'm surprised to see that there are people who are old enough to be getting married but still act immensely impressed with themselves when they do this.

    To answer your original question, everyone who received a save the date must receive an invitation. The save the date is provided for the sole purpose of letting the recipients know that they will be invited and 'unofficially' asking them to start making the necessary arrangements (travel, vacation time, etc). It is the promise of an invitation, and it would be a pretty significant breach of etiquette to then rescind that invitation. I know that a significant number of our guests made their travel and hotel arrangements when they received their save the dates.

    If you aren't willing or able to trim the guest list by not inviting the people who did NOT receive save the dates, you should start looking for other ways to reduce your costs.

    Hopefully, you can still cut back on things like flowers, centerpieces, transportation, alcohol, and videography/photography. If you've already signed contracts which lock you into what you had originally budgeted and don't leave room for reduction, I would start trying to save or raise enough money to accommodate everyone that you have invited.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:487f3e0b-b7e5-43bd-a78d-1d0d0436cadd">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was just reading the responses on this thread, and I have to say that it's disappointing how rude and catty some of the posters on here can be. Most people I know were able to recognize by about 7th grade that making completely unsolicited, mean spirited remarks about people wasn't cool or funny, so I'm surprised to see that there are people who are old enough to be getting married but still act immensely impressed with themselves when they do this. To answer your original question, everyone who received a save the date must receive an invitation. The save the date is provided for the sole purpose of letting the recipients know that they will be invited and 'unofficially' asking them to start making the necessary arrangements (travel, vacation time, etc). It is the promise of an invitation, and it would be a pretty significant breach of etiquette to then rescind that invitation. I know that a significant number of our guests made their travel and hotel arrangements when they received their save the dates. If you aren't willing or able to trim the guest list by not inviting the people who did NOT receive save the dates, you should start looking for other ways to reduce your costs. Hopefully, you can still cut back on things like flowers, centerpieces, transportation, alcohol, and videography/photography. If you've already signed contracts which lock you into what you had originally budgeted and don't leave room for reduction, I would start trying to save or raise enough money to accommodate everyone that you have invited.
    Posted by sbelle85[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for your suggestions and i am considering all options but at the end of the day i will probably just have to increase my budget to accomadate!...I agree It is very disappointing and not to mention disrespectful to see the way some people act.
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  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:11bd0eaa-3710-4578-b099-2c18a682807a">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help : I really don't think this is the best idea.   Even if 20% decline, if you invite 330 people, you will have 264 guests.  Will your venue hold that many, plus your DJ, photographer(s), videographer(s), etc.?  Does that number include you and your FI?   Will your budget cover 264 people?   What if only 10% decline, <strong>or 15 of your single guests now have significant others (as you can't invite someone without their SO)?</strong>   Not to mention - your venue may not legally be allowed to hold that many people, so you will be without a venue.  Some venues say they hold a certain amount of people, but it's so cramped and crowded when filled to the maximum that it will be uncomfortable for you and your guests.   I think you need to find a new venue if you insist on inviting 330 people.  
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've read etiquette articles that say it is not considered rude to not inviter SO's if they have been together less than a year and/or do not live together. </div><div>
    </div><div>Since her wedding is in less than 5 months, the only way this could be an issue is if a single starts dating somebody and moves in together less than 3 months into the relationship (assuming her invites go out 2 months before the wedding)

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  • Our wedding was Feb 25th in michigan, which technically is during a time of the year when people don't have tons of events going on like they would during the summer or holidays (sporting events, other weddings, grad parties, vacays, etc) and we invited 335 people and only 242 people rsvp'd yes. The majority of the list live in state and didnt travel. I agree that you need to be prepared for everyone to show bc it's a possibility but thats so rare. I am not sure you can depend on any statistics. I agree with one of the first posts that you should consider your own guest list, like how many are single, kids, etc. If you didn't list a guest on save the dates (I didn't, only on the actual invites) then you can still consider not inviting guests for single invites (I know some think this is rude but if you have no choice then it's definitely an option). We invited guests for all our invites who were single and only 3 rsvp'd to bring one and actually none of them brought a guest (rude :( ). If you sent them a save the date, you really need to invite them.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:6d42f1ac-4002-4ac5-9f8e-aafedf13c680">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help : Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've read etiquette articles that say it is not considered rude to not inviter SO's if they have been together less than a year and/or do not live together.  Since her wedding is in less than 5 months, the only way this could be an issue is if a single starts dating somebody and moves in together less than 3 months into the relationship (assuming her invites go out 2 months before the wedding)
    Posted by msowena[/QUOTE]

    Where did you read this article? Because that is false. Whether they have been dating for 1 month or 1 year..there is, or SHOULDNT be any difference. It is not your place to judge the validity or seriousness of someone elses relationship. If someone tells you they are in a relationship, they get invited. You dont get to ask "how long have you been dating?" or "are you living together?"
    My now fiance attended a wedding with me after dating for 3 months, we were not living together, and yes, we were very serious, talking about marriage ourselves..but noone outside of our relationship would have known that, or had any right to ask.
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-keeps-growinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63863bf9-46c8-4273-a220-7603aa41e80fPost:7a39b255-252a-41c8-9b2a-41b7935a42a9">Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list keeps growing!!!...Help :<strong> Where did you read this article?</strong> Because that is false. Whether they have been dating for 1 month or 1 year..there is, or SHOULDNT be any difference. It is not your place to judge the validity or seriousness of someone elses relationship. If someone tells you they are in a relationship, they get invited. You dont get to ask "how long have you been dating?" or "are you living together?" My now fiance attended a wedding with me after dating for 3 months, we were not living together, and yes, we were very serious, talking about marriage ourselves..but noone outside of our relationship would have known that, or had any right to ask.
    Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I have seen it in multiple articles on theknot. Here are two of them:</div><div>
    </div><div><a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/wedding-budget-101-ways-to-save.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/wedding-budget-101-ways-to-save.aspx</a> </div><div>
    </div><div><a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/articles/how-to-make-your-wedding-guest-list.aspx?page=3">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/articles/how-to-make-your-wedding-guest-list.aspx?page=3</a> </div><div>
    </div><div><h3 style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;font-size:11px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">2. Cut the Guest List</h3><span style="color:#000000;background-color:#ffffff;">We know it's tough, but one of the fastest and most effective ways to lower your wedding cost is to pare down the invitees. Get out that red pen! At $100 a head, taking 10 guests off the guest list saves $1,000! Also consider the size of your wedding party: Gifts, hair, and makeup are cheaper for two than for ten.</span><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> </p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Knot Note:</strong> Having trouble figuring out which guests to cut? Make a rule and whittle away. Rule #1: If you have never spoken to, met, or heard the name of a particular guest, they get cut. Rule #2: Anyone whose bedtime occurs before 9 p.m. will miss the cake cutting anyway, and probably won't have the best time. (All under-12 year-olds get a no) Rule #3: <strong>Significant others? Consider someone worthy of an invite if he or she is currently living with or has been in a relationship for more than one year with the friend you want to invite.</strong></p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong>
    </strong></p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">&</p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> </p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;color:#000000;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> </p><h3 style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;font-size:11px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Create Criteria for Cutting</h3>At some point between the free-form list of names you jotted down and the engraved envelopes you sent out, inevitably you will need to trim your list. Make it easier by creating a set of criteria that makes sense to both of you. Here are a few suggestions to start you off.<p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> </p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Rule #1</strong> If you have never spoken to, met, or heard the name of a particular guest, he gets cut, even if dad swears they're close as clams.</p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Rule #2</strong> Anyone whose bedtime occurs before 9 p.m. will miss the cake cutting, so don't feel bad about nixing all the under-12-year-olds.</p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Rule #3</strong> <strong>Single friends who want to bring a significant other only get an "and guest" if they've been in the relationship for a year or more (or live with the person).</strong></p><p style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-image:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Rule #4</strong> It's your party -- if you don't want them there, don't feel guilted into sending an invite, even if you were invited to their wedding or they are friends with lots of people who will be invited. With a little bit of forethought, mastering your guest list is a breeze.</p>
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  • Wow, first off, thank you tchea for bringing up this question.  Its caused quite the following, including myself.  

     My fiance and I are about to get our invitations printed up and sent out so we know we must send the invites to the ones that received our STD. I just thank our lucky stars that we sent the STD to couples and singles (without "and guest) because we too went over our original guest count, but only by a few.  We plan to keep it under control by adding onto our RSVP card "____ of 2 will attend" if two were originally invited via the STD.   "____of 1 will attend" if only one was invited via the STD, etc.  That way there is no adding an additional person on their end.  

    We are nervous about how to approach those that may alter the RSVP cards but we will cross that bridge if it may be necessary.

    Good luck with your guest list adventure!  Just remember, keep it simple and above all its a day to celebrate!!


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