My mom wants to invite her gardener...

filaw

... and the people that clean her house once a week.

Now, let me just say right off, that my parents are paying for the wedding.  (Knowing what I do now, I would have declined their generous offer and insisted we wanted to pay for it ourselves, but hindsight is 20-20, and so we're learning to accept the fact that our wedding will be full of strangers that my mother wants to "show us off" to, and to focus on the positive).

So yes, I know that as the people putting up the money, they get a huge amount of say over who should be on the guest list.  But the gardener and the cleaners?  I'm not really sure what to do with that.  It just feels inappopriate to me.  First of all, why would they *want* to be at a wedding with a bunch of people they don't even remotely know?  And secondly, I wouldn't want to make them feel obligated to buy a gift, etc. 

The other piece is my dad strongly disagrees, and has said outright he doesn't want to invite them to the wedding, but he doesn't want to fight with her anymore, so I'm sort of stuck being the person to "call it".

Obviously, I would really prefer not to invite them, so I know I am biased towards my own personal preference.  I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

danieliza1127

I think it's very inappropriate and since she is their boss, the person that pays them, they will feel obligated to get you a gift.  I would tell her no.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Are you the one who is physically sending out the invitations? If so, I would pull a "ok, here's the final list" on her. Don't give her the extra invites and don't let her talk you into sending out "just one more."

colsta

I think you and your dad are right on this one. Inviting the gardner and housekeeper is inappropriate. Maybe you could explain it to her in a "this would be really awkward for them" sort of way so it doesn't make it look like you are trying to control her choices since she is paying.

filaw

I guess the thing I should add is my mom is convinced that they would be deeply hurt if they *didn't* get an inviation.  In her words, "they're from a different culture and won't understand being left out".  So it's pretty much a straight matter of mom wants to do A, dad and everyone else wants to do B.  And it's become a bit of a circular argument.

I *am* in control of the physical invitations, and they have actually already been sent out.  But she keeps harping on us also sending ones to the people I mentioned.  Like I said, we're going around in circles, and no matter how many times people have said variations on "no" or "I don't think that's a good idea", it keeps coming up. 

We've just been over it so many times, I'm no longer even sure what is the appropriate thing to do.

danieliza1127

Just keep saying no.

Celles

I agree with Dani.  It's inappropriate to invite household employees, who might feel pressured to attend and bring a gift as an implicit condition of their continued employment.  Stick to your guns on this one. 

stacy&tige

First off tell your mother to stop saying that they wouldn't understand cause they are from a different culture...not sure why she thinks that would matter. Is there a culture where inviting paid household employees is normal? It screams of gift grabbing and they might think they are required to attend to keep their jobs. Its just an awkward position to put them in.

Stick to your guns. She may not like it or come over to your side of the argument but she needs to realize that this is your decision and you've made it. The answer is no.

ootmother2

I think your mother's request is inappropriate.

The only employee that I would consider appropriate to invite would be your childhood nanny. Nannies are consdered part of the family, not really employees.

arbolita

So, your mom and the gardener, eh?

brookelynpaisley

No offense, but your mom seems ignorant in a comical way like Cher from Clueless or the MIL in My Big Fat Greek Wedding with her cultures talk. I agree with everyone that inviting household employees is inappropriate. I have a feeling they'd rather have a day off from y'all.

Birdie1483

Can you accidentally write the address down wrong when you "mail" out the invitations?

Catwoman708

Agreed, it's inappropriate to invite them, but I would guess that most of them will probably not attend anyway.  For the few that might attend out of obligation, you will be so busy on your wedding day, you will scarcely notice them.

You have so many other things to do and worry about, this is nothing.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-wants-invite-her-gardener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:648226ef-7a57-4f8a-97df-36be2da870f2Post:680f76ba-9696-44b8-9d03-63bba038a64d">Re: My mom wants to invite her gardener...</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed, it's inappropriate to invite them, but I would guess that most of them will probably not attend anyway.  For the few that might attend out of obligation, you will be so busy on your wedding day, you will scarcely notice them. You have so many other things to do and worry about, this is nothing.
Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

The point is though, that they would feel obligated to attend or send a gift, since this is their bosses daughter.  It's inappropriate.