Should I have had to buy a dress? NEED ADVICE

rachdaniels21

Okay so here's the story... DH's best friend is getting married this weekend and DH is the best man. Our LO is also the ring bearer and the wedding is out of town. The bride to be asked me to pull DS down the aisle in a wheel barrow, which I of course said yes to although I am not in the wedding party and wasn't invited to the shower.

BUT the bride wanted me to have a dress that matched their colors. Which I said I was fine with and could we go to Kohl's and pick something out? We went and she didn't see anything she liked. So she suggested we go to another store that I don't like because it's a type of place where my mom shops and I just didn't think I'd find anything cute there and it's a little out of budget.

Yes, I I should've said something to her at the time but I just went with her. She ended up finding a dress she loved (I hated it but I just reminded myself that this wasn't about me and it's not my day). I went ahead and bought it knowing it was out of my price range, but I didn't know how to handle the situation or what to say.

After I got home and talked to my mom and a few others about it they agreed with me that I should return the dress. I did, but now I don't know what to tell the bride when she sees that I'm not wearing the dress this weekend! I know it's so last minute to be doing this but I'm not sure what to do now.

What do you all think? Please be honest. Should I have had to buy a special dress to walk down the aisle? I know I should've said something before but I didn't, so any clues on what to say now?

kitnlvr

I don't think you should have had to buy a new dress BUT with your silence and by buying the dress you agreed.  I would let the bride know as soon as you can that you won't be wearing the dress you agreed upon. 

KatyRoseM

She basically asked you to be in the wedding, you said yes.  I think you should tell her that you can't really afford the dress she wanted and try again.  

lauralaur

I would call the bride and give her a heads up that you returned the dress. Tell her you mulled it over when you got home and decided it was too expensive and you're sorry you didn't speak up sooner. Did you buy a new dress or do you have one in mind that's in your closet? I would reassure her that you're still going to wear something that works.

And yeah, I don't think you should've had to buy a dress in the first place.

AdeleDazeem

I think that I would call her and tell her that after reviewing your finances, you simply can't afford the dress and apologize for the confusion.  Say you can go out and find one that is similar to the one you bought but within your price range.  If she insists on coming along, let her, but make your budget clear.

ExpatPumpkin

Is there anyway someone else - like your husband who's the BM - can pull the wagon?

I know that may sound strange, but I'd think it was cute if I saw it...

rachdaniels21

I was planning on wearing a dress I already own. I feel really bad because I get so excited about weddings and I always want to do my part to make it the best I can for the bride. But yeah, I got carried away and bought something that we couldn't afford. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You're not in the wedding party - to me, your "job" is akin to a reader. Not something where the bride should dictate your attire. So no, you're in the right. But you should let her know that the dress was out of your budget. What are her colors? Could you wear a simple black dress?

saisongbird

Ditto PP.  Msmery said it perfectly.

michaelandjulie2

I agree with PP. You can't change that you didn't speak up at the time, however I think it is ok that you returned it. My grandmothers are walking down the aisle and I wouldnt dream of picking out what they wear, or having it "match". Same for the readers. You are not in the wedding party, you are a guest who happens to be part of the processional. 

MeaghanandMichael

Mery started to say it, but does any one else find this to be bullshiit? I mean really, OP is not even in the WP. Now she has to spend money on a dress to pull a freaking wagon? I don't even blame OP for not speaking u0p about the dress sooner because I would probably be just as confused and taken aback as she was.

Kristin&eric

I think that is kinda rude of the bride to not have you for the wedding shower, I know it wasnt entirely up to the bride but she provides the list to whoever is hosting it. Then for her to ask you last min seems rude of her aswell. I wouldnt have cared what dress you wore, but thats just me. If she wanted you in a specific color she should have told you in more advance time and let you choose it since it is so close to the wedding. I would call her and let her know how you feel. Hopefully she will understand

sucrets4

Simple black dress, all the way.  If it's good enough for tuxes, it's good enough for your dress.

And I agree with Meg, it's bullshit.  You should have said something earlier, though.

sucrets4

Oh, and did you also buy attire for your son to wear?  And buy/rent something for your H?

sarabellam

How, exactly, do you pull a wheelbarrow? Seems pretty awkward to me, especially when the person supposed to be pulling it is seemingly lacking a backbone, by not standing up and saying, "Sorry, Bride-to-be, this dress is out of my budget."

AliandDan2010

She want's DS pushed (by you) in a wheel barrow? Will there be cushioning? How will you even see DS in there?

klreese0213

i grew up with an aunt who always bought new dresses for events. however, she would ALWAYS return them!! she would always keep the tags on them LOL it was crack me up, but it worked.
wear the dress and return it! thats what my aunt would say! lol. esp if it's ugly and expensive!
i dont think you should have bought THAT dress. perhaps a new dress if you didn't have anything approperiate (which i doubt). i think she should have taken your style more into consideration.
i'm different then you though, i would have definitely spoken up about my likes and dislikes.

irshis20

I'm going to assume you meant "wagon" instead of wheelbarrow. I get why some people think it's cute for a tyke to be pulled in a wagon, but it's WAY awkward for the adult pulling the wagon. Everyone looks at the kid...the puller is just there. Which is an awkward position to put an adult in, if you ask me. Isn't this job usually done by an older child? Or someone in the wedding party? It seems strange to me to have someone not in the wedding party escorting someone who is...their child, no less.

danieliza1127

She was wrong to expect you to buy an expensive dress for this, but you should have spoken up for yourself when you bought a dress you didn't want and couldn't afford.  In my opinion, you need to tell her before the wedding.  If you just show up at the wedding not in the dress, just don't do that to a stressed out emotional bride on her wedding day.  Own up to it, talk to her, admit that you shouldn't have bought the dress and aren't going to be wearing it, and move on.