Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Do you think single friends expect a plus-one?

So, my very good friend turns to me the other day and says, "I wonder if I'll be bringing a date to your wedding!"  Wait, what?  I love this girl dearly, but she isn't seeing anyone right now and I don't know what she's thinking.  I have been telling her along the way how I am trying to keep costs down, and how few people we feel like we can invite.

A little background...  my FI and I had a different wedding date in 2011.  Well, that didn't happen.  She was going to be my maid-of-honor then, but we aren't having a wedding party this time (very different event).  She knows this, and has been very supportive and interested.  She was dating my FI's good friend until late last year.  Both are invited to the wedding, but haven't spoken in months (awkward).  So I don't know if she's thinking she wants someone there in case he is, or if she is just hoping to have someone there for company, or what.

We weren't planning on inviting plus-ones with our friends who aren't in relationships.  We are trying to keep the list very close to 50 due to budget, and if we did this for one, we'd have to do for some, and if we did for all we couldn't do it. 

I don't know what I should do.  Should I say to her, "you know, we really weren't planning on giving you a plus-one?"  That seems awkward.  Will she get the message when she gets the invitation for just her?  What if she asks? 

I don't know why she thinks she would be invited with a plus-one.  Is this just what some people think is the way it goes?  I really wouldn't mind if she brought someone, but then that might hurt other people's feelings (especially in this case, I'm pretty sure FI's friend is flying solo).  Are my single friends going to be mad when they are invited alone?  It was something I hadn't considered, so I'd appreciate your feedback.  Thanks.

Re: Do you think single friends expect a plus-one?

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    As long as the single person knows others attending the wedding, it's FINE. Just be prepared if she does start dating someone by your wedding you'll have to invite them as well. I'd just mention that you're only able to invite those in a relationship with dates. Then it doesn't specifically focus on her quite as much as your wording did.
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    What PP said. Is also tell her that I promise to seat her with people she knows so its not uncomfortable.
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    I guess I was just surprised by it.  She knows the issues we have trying to fit in a tight budget.  I didn't know what to say.

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    I said in a post earlier today, there were a lot of things I did when I was a guest that I have a new perspective on now that I'm planning my own wedding.
    Your friend i'm sure just wants to make sure she has a fun night, and in general I like going to events with dates. Pre-wedding, I was like, "I'm inviting everyone with a guest!!" Once we crunched the numbers, I decided I'd rather have good friends than too many strangers, so we were tighter on the Plus Ones.

    And i'm sure a few people will be annoyed by it, but if they can't come single and have fun, they can decline and hten I can move on to my B list! (kidding!!!)

    I'm glad your friend just came out and asked you, so you can have a talk about it.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-think-single-friends-expect-a-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6670b3b8-884e-466a-b7d4-88ea0a4d3e45Post:a01a47dd-3814-4eda-9c01-76f9fa4efbfd">Re:Do you think single friends expect a plusone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had one friend say something like this, too. I said to her that I didn't know she was dating someone new. When she said she wasn't, I just said that we didn't have enough in the budget to allow for a plus one. I also said that I didn't give plus ones to the other single women in our social circle, and I didn't want it to appear like I'm playing favorites. She was cool with it.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>I just wanted to say that I think you're really nice and give great advice.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, It's nice to give plus ones to single guests if there's space, but they're not necessary, particularly if they know many people at the wedding. I agree with PPs that it's best to explain it nicely and explain that you hope she'll enjoy the company of the other people she knows well there. Heck, when I was single, I always looked forward to weddings as an opportunity to, ya know, fling!</div>
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    If people really aren't in relationships, then while it's a kindness to give them a plus one, it isn't required either.  And if any of them come off as expecting one, I think just telling them, "Unfortunately, our budget and space limitations don't allow us to invite dates for everyone" is probably the best way to go.  If they pout or threaten to boycott after that, say to them "I'm sorry about that.  We will miss you."
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    Most of my friends and I are in agreement on when it comes to +1 guest. Obviously if there is a SO, they get invited. But for single friends, if they will know other people at the wedding that they can hang out, no +1. For single guests that will not know anyone at the wedding besides the bride and/or groom they get a +1 so they will have at least one person they know & feel comfortable hanging out with. I'm sure the totally proper thing to do is +1 for all, but peoples budgets don't always allow for that.

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    I thought a PP said this (can't find it), but keep in mind having an allowance for any single friends who get into relationships before invitations go out.

    You want to be able to account for those extras should it become necessary.

    We planned for all of our singles to have +1, that way they could either bring a guest or if they got into a relationship before (or even after) the invitations went out we'd be covered.

     

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    I was surprised when a lot of my friends seemed to expect plus-1's to my wedding, especially since I considered that most of them were at least acqaintances which each other. On further thought, however, I reminded myself that as I am having a destination wedding they would probably be more comfortable bringing someone that they are closer with (it will be a weekend trip for everyone most likely).

    If I weren't having a destination wedding I might have told them sorry, no, but I decided to allow plus-1s.
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    You don't have to extend plus ones to single friends/family members if its not within your budget. Its nice but not necessary.

    However - one thing that I didn't take into consideration that StageManager pointed out is that when making your guest list you need to take into account that these single people may be in relationships by the time invitations go out.

    We made our guest lists months ago and we were almost reaching the capacity of our venue when this was brought to my attention. So I went back through the guest list and reserved ten spots (so open spots I guess you could say) just in case a friend and/or family member has an SO when I send out my invites.
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    Some people just expect it. but its ok to let them know that sorry you cannot accomodate +1's unless they are currently in a relationship.  My FSIL does this all the time-- she had a boyfriend and he did not want to go to a wedding so she rsvp'd  to bring ME with her and then told me about it-- I was like no, I do not think that is appropriate and she got defensive about it-- luckily the bride told her sorry we can accomodate your boyfriend but not a random guest (thank god)-- so she heard it from the bride herself, but I still felt stupid in the brides eyes and hope I never meet the girl, haha.

    Now she is trying the same thing for FI and I wedding.  she broke up with her boyfriend (a groomsman in our wedding; but they are friends regardless so not too dramatic) has a new boyfriend, but he will be out of the state the month of our wedding so cannot go...and last week she announces she invited some random friend of hers from school-- um what!?  I didn't even say anything and will let FI talk to her when we do invitations in a few weeks.  Moral of the story is some people just don't get it and they never will!
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