Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:1170d5a7-94cb-423e-8107-201b28594474">Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:yes. I freaking did. I paid the extra to have 3 options for everyone. Then we selected one meal that we knew we and a few others would love, and two meals that are pretty satisfactory to all palates. We called every person we knew who had a food allergy and made a list of their names and restrictions for the caterer. We also accommodated a vegetarian we didn't know about 3 days before the wedding. Our photigrapher's breast feeding son is lactose intolerant and we accommodated that. <strong> Because that is how you flucking host people</strong>.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]


yep

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:Shoo troll, shoo. Somebody get trollspray. You can totally not give a fig abput ettiquette, but don't bring that attitude to an ettiquette forum, it's useless.Posted by PeledreamsofrainCalling someone a "troll" is etiquette?nbsp; I have a different opinion than you and I defended my opinion. The poster asked for opinions.nbsp; I never called anyone a name. Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]
 
I's not name calling. It's an accurate description of the activity you are engaged in. Offering grossly inaccurate information as a matter of fact to the detriment of the person requesting advice is at best negligent. If you become argumentative and contrarian for no apparent reason, that is trolling.

Etiquette is a matter of standard rules society agrees upon so that everyone feels that they are treated equitably.  It is not a matter of 'do what you want yay!".  We have tried to point that out to you, you refuse and continue to post bad information.  Trolling.

lauralaur

Okay I'll be honest, I had grilled cheese and fries at our wedding. No one else had it. I'm a super picky eater and anyone who's ever spent any time with me is aware of that so I didn't think anyone would be offended. My aunt came over to our table while I was eating and rolled her eyes at my meal; I think she was more so bothered that I couldn't eat the "grown up" food. I guess it never occurred to me that it might bother some people because it wasn't anywhere near as nice as the food served.

But, I will say that I had three entree choices and a kid's meal, so hopefully people at least got something they liked.

jenajjthr

You CAN'T give your guests one thing and you get something else.  This applies to drinks, meals, and desserts. 

OP, you can have a really nice buffet with multiple choices.  I was leery about having steak on a buffet.  Before I did the taste testing I mentioned to the coordinator that I wasn't fond of mushrooms and was there a different sauce they cooked it with?  Day of taste testing they gave me three options to try along with the chicken spedini.  I loved the steak with the red wine sauce.  I ended up paying extra for the chicken spedini though.  This wasn't part of their menu but my FI really wanted that type of chicken.  It would have been rude for us to have the kitchen prepare one dish of that and serve everybody else regular baked chicken.  If it is "special" enough for you, then it is special enough for everybody. 

I will tell you something my mom told me when I told her "Well everybody else is doing X"  Her reply was "Well if they all jumped off a bridge, would you?"  Just because a lot of people are doing something, it doesn't necessarily make it correct.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:6a4beb4a-8cfd-411d-98da-62b7f24da366">Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : We were actually just guests at their wedding. Our table was close-ish to the head table and we saw the groom had a steak dinner when the servers brought out the food and people started clinking their glasses for them to kiss. FH and I weren't terribly offended but we looked at each other and wondered why we didn't get steak too, though it was all light-heartedly. Thanks everyone for all of your responses, I will certainly talk about this with my FH and explain how he'll just have to have his steak at the rehearsal dinner, or some other time :)
Posted by ashleestadt[/QUOTE]
Ah, this clears up a lot. It sorta confirms our suspicions, too.

Def talk to your Fi and see if he can have his steak another time. I mean, I get where he is coming from. Steak is delicious, but it's bad timing to have it at the reception. lol.

mrspadfoot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:b1ba3984-512b-4e44-bfd5-104e2a3a278b">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : How in the world could this ever be okay?   A host should go hungry before her guest do, <strong>they certainly don't get "better food" than their guests.  EVER</strong>.    Just because it's a wedding doesn't change that.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>This makes me giggle, as we are serving a full roast beef dinner, and FI is having the same chicken fingers and fries as the children. Luckily, everyone invited knows he is a terribly picky eater and they expect it. I on the other hand, am looking forward to the roast beef that all our guests get to enjoy</div>

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:5b1f958f-7ecc-478c-8c6b-223db4dce7ca">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : This makes me giggle, as we are serving a full roast beef dinner, and FI is having the same chicken fingers and fries as the children. Luckily, everyone invited knows he is a terribly picky eater and they expect it. I on the other hand, am looking forward to the roast beef that all our guests get to enjoy
Posted by jessicabcairns[/QUOTE]
My bf's brother did this at his wedding lol. They're all picky eaters, the whole family. No one was surprised at all when he asked for the same meal as the kids.
The idea is the same, though, Everyone was offered the same meals. If someone else wanted the chicken fingers, they could have gotten it.

Summer2011Bride

Yup, you definitely need to host the same food for everyone. This could mean a buffet full of multipe choices, or if you prefer to not have a buffet, you could have a choice of three entrees or just one entree that everyone gets (save for those with allergies or vegetarians, etc). I don't care if what the B&G want to eat is more expensive or less; it's the idea that you should not, as a proper host, give yourself something that is not offered to your guests. Your guests' comfort is your #1 concern.

And Bopple, to address a couple other things. No bar is not rude. Offering only soda and water and maybe tea is a perfectly viable option to save money, so long as the B&G aren't sipping on champagne and beer all night while everyone else drinks water. See how that works? Also it stops being just YOUR SPECIAL DAY when you start inviting guests. Then you become host and your guests' comfort and just common decency need to be taken into consideration. If you will have issues with that, I suggest eloping and not inviting guests so you and your FI can do whatever the heck you want without offending others.

a6a14173

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:5d6d7487-cf09-4ca8-b4b6-789f9f0ef962">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Even if you have a sweetheart table, it will still be rude! If you and your FI have food allergies or dietary restrictions, this would be the only exception. I would feel disrespected, as a guest, if the bride and groom had lobster and filet, and I was given chicken.
Posted by ladytori[/QUOTE]

This.   If one of you is vegetarian, kosher or needs a halal option, or if it's an allergy thing, then fine.  Otherwise I'd have the same thing that was offered to the guests,

Amyzen83

For the most part I agree with everyone else, that it's rude for you to eat "special food". But the only time I think the exception should be made is if either one of you has a strict diet ex: gluton free, vegan, or major food alergies, but this is for health reasons and you don't want your guests to have to eat that way so they can have normal meals. I have a friend who had celiac disease and couldn't have anything cross contaminated with glutton, but that was clearly not his choice to have this condition. So with that said if you both are healthy then don't make your guests feel like second class citizens when they are already making time to be there to celebrate you and your FH's new journey together.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:d613ad46-7b40-48b4-b0d3-1d9e9a234f21">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : This.   If one of you is vegetarian, kosher or needs a halal option, or if it's an allergy thing, then fine.  Otherwise I'd have the same thing that was offered to the guests,
Posted by a6a14173[/QUOTE]

I  don't understand.

Vegetarian??  - you are more than likely going to have a vegetarian at your wedding.  Why would you not offer them the same meal as you.    Also a lot of non-vegetarians eat vegetarian meals.  Why not if offer it to them also?

Kosher?   I don't think you know what Kosher means.  First, is it would be HIGHLY unusual for a couple to keep Kosher and no other guests at the wedding.   

Kosher is all about how meat is slaughtered, who grows the grapes, no meat and dairy together, seafood  have to have fins and scale, no pork and how things are prepared, etc.   For example,  a you can't cook beef in a pan that had butter in there at one point.  Or you can use a spoon that made chicken soup to make mashed potatoes with butter. or you can't drink juice that was in produced in the same pot that had juice that had grapes not grown by Jewish farmers)   

The average non-Kosher guest is not even going to identify the plate as Kosher. It could be beef with roasted patatoes or Mahi-Mahi with some veggies and rice. They are not going to see bacon or lobster, but you can say that at non-Kosher weddings also.


Allergies?    Again you can create a meal without something and guests are not even going to notice.


There is really no reason to give the couple  a special dish and not offer it to everyone else.

Calypso1977

I will certainly talk about this with my FH and explain how he'll just have to have his steak at the rehearsal dinner, or some other time

makes perfect, logical sense!

mrspadfoot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:4a7c68d7-ac91-443e-9728-3f20eb5c6ae9">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : My bf's brother did this at his wedding lol. They're all picky eaters, the whole family. No one was surprised at all when he asked for the same meal as the kids. The idea is the same, though, Everyone was offered the same meals. If someone else wanted the chicken fingers, they could have gotten it.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>The worst part of it all is that my cousins, whic are younger, have asked for smaller portions of the roast beef. It's just FH and his cousins who want chicken fingers.</div>

dtbluv

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:3b24e56f-ef3c-45c9-b248-75c20a32a755">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love red meat, so if I had chicken and B&G had steak, I'd notice. It's a completely different color, and people are constantly looking at the couple, watching them kiss, walking up to them, etc. <strong>Unless B&G are stuffing their face in the bridal suite in shame,</strong> they should have the same thing. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

Oh God, I just imagined this.  Awesome.