wedding/ alcohol

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:a78db98d-e051-42c4-a5cb-01c572ed6193">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason of my worry is that nys has hosting laws, if you have a party and someone leaves and then drives drunk we as hosts can be held responsible... Also my fiancee and i would just really appreciate it if my ffil in particular didnt have unlimited access to alcohol...hes a sloshy mushy drunk then he gets controlling... But we are leaving the make sure he doesnt get to out of hand to his wife.
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

Okay. TBH you're kind of exhausting me. I will try one more time to help you understand.

1. If you have hired a LICENSED BARTENDER, you and your FI will NOT BE LIABLE for any drunk drivers. That's just ridiculous.
2. Even if you served no alcohol, people will find a way to get drunk if they want to (flasks, etc)
3. Don't ask anyone to "babysit" an adult to make sure they don't get "out of hand" with their drinking. That, in itself, is controlling.
4. Finally, if all else fails, having alcohol at your wedding reception is NOT A REQUIREMENT. If you are so overly concerned (which it seems you are), just have a dry wedding.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:a78db98d-e051-42c4-a5cb-01c572ed6193">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason of my worry is that nys has hosting laws, if you have a party and someone leaves and then drives drunk we as hosts can be held responsible... Also my fiancee and i would just really appreciate it if my ffil in particular didnt have unlimited access to alcohol...hes a sloshy mushy drunk then he gets controlling... But we are leaving the make sure he doesnt get to out of hand to his wife.
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

But people go to bars and restaurants (where they pay for all drinks) and get intoxicated.  How will giving someone free beer and wine, but charging them 5 dollars for a rum and coke keep anyone from getting drunk?

Either have a dry wedding, or offer beer and wine only.  It's rude to offer your guests "upgrades" that they have to pay for themselves.  Yes, many people have cash bars - that doesn't make them not rude.  And budget has nothing to do with it.  Couples who can't afford to feed their guests steak should have chicken instead.  Like NOLA said, apply the same logic to the bar.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:a78db98d-e051-42c4-a5cb-01c572ed6193">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason of my worry is that nys has hosting laws, if you have a party and someone leaves and then drives drunk we as hosts can be held responsible... Also my fiancee and i would just really appreciate it if my ffil in particular didnt have unlimited access to alcohol...hes a sloshy mushy drunk then he gets controlling... But we are leaving the make sure he doesnt get to out of hand to his wife.
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

*this is not legal advice* but as an attorney in NY, I'm not sure that what you are stating here is accurate.  There is a big difference between having a party at your house where people drink, then leave, drive drunk and become involved in a MVC and having a party at a licensed venue/catering hall that supplies servers and bartenders to provide the alcohol to guests.  It becomes their party, not yours, in terms of liability if that makes sense.

OwningAHome1981

I am in the NO WAY JOSE group on cash bars BUT I don't necessarily think you have to host a full bar either.

I think what you should do is have the bartender remove all the hard alcohol if possible, so that the venue doesn't even have it available for guests. Have a sign that says "Please enjoy delicious beer, wine & champagne compliments of the B & G" or something like that... that way it isn't like saying "yeah you have to pay for hard liquor." This way everyone is clear on what is available and no one has to open their wallets.

if they want something else, they will have to wait until after the wedding and go elsewhere.

Brittywest05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:feae32db-8be1-40e3-8565-b2200266f898">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:wedding/ alcohol : *this is not legal advice* but as an attorney in NY, I'm not sure that what you are stating here is accurate.  There is a big difference between having a party at your house where people drink, then leave, drive drunk and become involved in a MVC and having a party at a licensed venue/catering hall that supplies servers and bartenders to provide the alcohol to guests.  It becomes their party, not yours, in terms of liability if that makes sense.
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]



This. Colorado has similar laws, so we double checked with our venue to insure about the liability issues. I would ask them, but I'm pretty sure since it isn't at your house And you are having a bartender, it is on the bartender and the venue, since you are paying them to host your party, to control over serving. This shouldn't be an issue on your end.

ellebear22

Thank you for your reply and clarifying that law info for me... I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago that devastated me, the people hosting the event he attended was held responsible bc they kept giving him alcohol and allowed him to drive knowing he was far to drunk to drive ... it was a party at a bar/ place but the people throwing the party was also named as responsible

ellebear22

...and sorry if there was multiple posts from myself, Im on my phone and Some of it is saying it cant post. : wasnt trying to exhaust ya just trying to reply

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:a78db98d-e051-42c4-a5cb-01c572ed6193">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason of my worry is that nys has hosting laws, if you have a party and someone leaves and then drives drunk we as hosts can be held responsible... Also my fiancee and i would just really appreciate it if my ffil in particular didnt have unlimited access to alcohol...hes a sloshy mushy drunk then he gets controlling... But we are leaving the make sure he doesnt get to out of hand to his wife.
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

This only applies to underage drinking @ house parties I believe

ellebear22

Thank you for your response that is similar idea to what I was going to do my idea is use a menu of sorts with the drink assortment we are providing for the guests...

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:6f19dedb-b1b5-4308-85df-61164059f5ac">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]The place offered us limited cash bar, I told them beer and wine only. I just wasn't getting the point of why the person up there was saying that they couldnt believe I lived on Long Island and thought it was ok to have a cash bar... I always assumed it had to do with affordability... Im new to this planning a wedding stuff hence the reason I asked, thanks for answering!
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

I have been to A LOT of weddings and I am an LIer as well and not one, NOT ONE had a cash bar.

ellebear22

Ive been to weddings of other faiths on LI where the bride and groom and some family did not believe in drinking alcohol but did not want to offend guests so they offered cash bar as an alternative to those guests. I have also been to a person whose husband was in recovery of alcoholism and decided that they werent going to pay for alcohol but offered cash bar to those who would like a drink. The other wedding was a smaller wedding and they could not afford to pay for the open bar but offered the cash bar for guests who wanted drinks.

lyndausvi

I get being concerned about the hosting laws.   However, I don't get how making hard liquor cash limits your liability?    I do not drink hard liquor, but can get drunk off of 2 glasses of wine.   So how is making it a limited cash bar change anything liability wise?


On another note, make sure you get liability insurance just in case.

Jen4948

While you don't have to offer a full open bar, guests should not be expected to pay for anything they are served.  That would be rude.

So only serve what you are planning to pay for yourself.  Your list of offerings sounds good.  Don't make anything else available.

ellebear22

The original question was bc I heard/ seen on here it was rude to have a cash bar... I never knew that.... So i asked is what im doing beer/wine only rude as well... Then i voiced my concern of peoples drinking habits along with commentary from the kind responders...Sorry for the confusion...

Viczaesar

... =/= .

STARMOON44

I'm getting confused by you, but if what you are doing is still free beer and wine, guests pay for hard alcohol, then yes.  It is rude.  Easy answer.

OwningAHome1981

Making guests pay for anything at a wedding is rude. It is very nice to tip people and you should tip but even having valet parking is a fine line bc guests will generally always tip a valet parking attendant. Valet parking isnt wrong or rude but I feel guests should never have to open their wallets at a wedding period. Bottom line, host the alcohol you want to host whether it's full bar or beer, wine and champagne only BUT do not maje guests pay for hard liquor. Just simply make it unavailable.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:681d8d8f-29d4-41bc-8fc9-068942598387Post:b610192c-c092-4224-b810-330c68b2cdf0">Re:wedding/ alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]Making guests pay for anything at a wedding is rude. It is very nice to tip people and you should tip but even having valet parking is a fine line bc guests will generally always tip a valet parking attendant. Valet parking isnt wrong or rude but I feel guests should never have to open their wallets at a wedding period. Bottom line, host the alcohol you want to host whether it's full bar or beer, wine and champagne only BUT do not maje guests pay for hard liquor. Just simply make it unavailable.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

This.

chelseamb11

It always makes me giggle on here that any time someone posts about alcohol service at a wedding everyone says "It is NEVER acceptable to have anything cash bar".

But then we have those unpop ops/confession/wedding rules that are breakable threads and SO many people admit that alcohol depends on your guests and what will make them comfortable.  The #1 rule is not making them uncomfortable.  If having even a partial cash bar will offend them, then don't do it.

I have YET to attend a wedding in my life that wasn't at least partially a cash bar.  It's just not done in my circles.  Usually it's just beer and soda hosted.  We did even more than that (beer, soda, wine, and juice) and people literally commented that it was more than normal.  I would rather go to a wedding and pay for a specific drink I want than to not be able to have it at all. 

Go with your guests.  If they will be made uncomfortable by you not hosting everything at the bar, then cut the hard stuff.  If you think they'll be happy with what you have and okay with paying for more, then do that.  I do have a hard time seeing people in Long Island being okay with a partial cash bar, but only you can know this.