Addressing Envelopes to Widows

catarntina

My grandfather and one of my uncles are recently deceased.  How would I address the envelopes to my grandmother and my aunt? "Mrs. John Smith" or "Mrs. Jane Smith"? Should the envelopes also include "and guest"? My mom says having "and guest" for my aunt and grandma's invitations is the proper thing to do, but I wasn't so sure.  Neither one of them are dating any one, that's why I think "and guest" would not be appropriate.  Also, I think my grandma's guest would be her ex-daughter-in-law (my ex-aunt).  I had planned on inviting my uncle and his new girlfriend, and if my grandma brings his ex-wife as a guest, I think that would cause some serious drama.

Please help!

Brie2010

I would ask around and find out what they prefer to be called.  I think "Mrs. John Smith" is a bit antiquated but some older widows prefer it.  My mom is a widow and prefers the "Mrs. Jane Smith" format.

As for the guests, I would invite them both +1.  It's a nice courtesy and they may be dating someone privately without anyone knowing thus far.

L-Bride

It should be Mrs. John Smith even if "John" is no longer alive.
You can use her name Jane but it would be addressed as Ms. Jane Smith.
HTH

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm with Brie. I'm addressing my 60-something aunt as "Mrs. Herfirstname Herlastname." I was going to do "Mrs. John Smith" for the older widows, but FI insists his 99-year-old grandmother should be addressed as "Mrs. Jane Smith." Okay, whatever.

I am not inviting them to bring dates. The only widow who will actually attend our wedding is my aunt, and her husband passed away in September. I think it might be offensive to invite her to bring a date after 44 years of marriage, actually. Plus she will know my dad, my brother, and her daughter, son-in-law and grandson are also invited.

catarntina

MsMeryMac, it seems like you and I are in similar situations.  My uncle passed away December 14, 2009 (so 6-7 weeks ago?).  She was married to her husband for 40 years.  I also thought it would be offensive to invite her to bring a date.  I am already inviting all of her children, some of her grandchildren, and some of her great-grandchildren (one of her great-granddaughters is my flower girl, even).  Plus all of her brothers and sisters will be there. My mom also insisted that I invite her late husband's brother to the wedding. So I don't think my aunt will be lonely.

What's the proper etiquette on this?  I think someone could write a book on invitation etiqeutte for weddings.

tenofcups4me

I would use Mrs. Jane Doe unless you know the person is *extremely* old-fashioned. I honestly can't imagine addressing anyone as Mrs. John Smith.

As for the guest, that's kind of awkward. We invited everyone with a guest with some exceptions -- like his widowed grandmother. She wasn't seeing anyone and it would have been just plain weird to invite her with a guest. I know my grandmothers were not invited with guests to events after they were widowed. On the other hand, they were pretty old and neither dated. If it were someone younger, or someone you knew was dating, then yes, I'd invite with a guest.