rehearsal dinner etiquette

sandmamm

So I just sat down to write the list for the rehearsal dinner and there are a lot more people than I originally thought. We have a large wedding party which already ups the numbers. My question is... do I have to invite the wedding party's significant others?? I know it would be really nice but with them and out of town guests it is getting to be a lot and the rehearsal is in 17 days! PS. we are not sending any type of invitations for this (all word of mouth).

pandasquishy

Yes, invite their significant others.

Simply Fated

Are these significant others OOT? Some people here think it would be a nice gesture if they are. I personally don't think you have to, but that's me.

But if they are local, then, no.

But if you invite one, you have to invite them all....

munkeybutz04

It IS proper etiquette to invite thier s/o's, but a lot of times, people will tell you to do what you can.  If there is a big attraction in an area nearby, having them not come might not be such a bad thing.  were having ours in vegas, and we've been going back and forth on this for a while...since it is vegas, everyone will have a lot to do if they arent coming to the rehearsal dinner. We are not inviting any out of town guests (b/c that would be our ENTIRE guest list).  I think they should be invited though, if you're judging on etiquette only,  

banana468

Yes you need to invite them.  It's not just the "nice" thing to do, it's the appropriate thing to do.

sandmamm

they are all very local (as in pretty much all in the same zip code - haha)
the entire wedding party are very close friends

 - i understand everyones' point that is why i am so torn!
 - i am sure i will just invite them bc it is the right/nice/appropriate thing to do ( i was just secretely hoping i didn't "have to")
 

squirrly

Yes, they must be invited.  Couples are a social unit - if you invite one, you invite both. 

banana468

Make the RD casual.  It doesn't need to be pricey - it just needs to include certain people.

sandmamm

ok so this is my next question... DONT LAUGH bc i don't know how dumb of a question it is.......

do all of those SOs come to the actual rehearsal or do they just show up at the restaurant? i have never been to a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner so i really have no experience with this.

MeaghanandMichael

You should let people do what they are comfortable with. Many will come to the rehearsal and sit quietly bc their SO are there. I would not worry about this as much as including the people it is appropriate to include. Personally, I am a fan of including OOT guests too, but this is not mandatory.

tidetravel

Also - send formal invitations to the RD.  They don't have to be fancy, but they should be something tangible.  If you go word of mouth, it's going to spread to people that you don't want it to. If you're already having problems with a large guest list, the last thing you want is unexpected people attending.

AmberMarieTX

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:68a2e326-6164-4635-8b64-c708d52809f6Post:3b9594af-617d-4894-9c7c-36861ac602a3">Re: rehearsal dinner etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so this is my next question... DONT LAUGH bc i don't know how dumb of a question it is....... do all of those SOs come to the actual rehearsal or do they just show up at the restaurant? i have never been to a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner so i really have no experience with this.
Posted by sandmamm[/QUOTE]

My FI was an usher and we were both invited to the rehearsal dinner. From my understanding, if you are invited to the rehearsal dinner, you are invited to the rehearsal. She had a rather large wedding, and I was one of about fifteen people that were "just watching" in the pews. I think I would have been offended if I would not have been invited to the RD.

AlmostSt.Laurent

I got a lot of confused phone calls when I invited s/o's.  Some circles of people, don't see it as something you should do, but I agree with these girls--it really is the correct thing to do.  I would absolutely feel shafted if my s/o was in a wedding and that meant that he was going to the RD, but not me.

parker624

is your rehearsal immediately before the rehearsal dinner?  If so, then I'd think that the SO would drive to the rehearsal with his/her SO in the bridal party, then drive to the dinner together.

if it is at a different time I don't think they need to be invited to the rehearsal itself but definitely include them in the rehearsal dinner.

And, since you're 17 days out, I don't think you need to send formal invitations.  But maybe an Evite email to remind everyone?

acmj11

Tide makes a very good point, do send actual invitations to avoid word of mouth being spread to people that aren't actually invited.  Also, if your FI was in someone's wedding and you were not invited to the RD, how would you feel.  I'm only asking because it may make your decision a little easier.

Beachy730

I would definitely invite the SO's.  Maybe you should do the e-vites or something, or an email invite to the people invited.  My RD invites are pretty informal, and so is my RD.  When I had been talking to the WP about it a while ago and we were talking about the date and place I said their spouses or BFs were all welcome to come.  I don't expect any of them to be at the church rehearsal since they all live local and would probably just pick them up on the way to dinner, but they are all welcome to come to it if they want. 

Since most of your people are local they might choose not to come, but its nice to invite everyone.  I would be pretty upset if my FI was in a wedding and I wasn't invited to the RD.