Need the vent

SheDiva4

My FI called me with a great money saving idea for our wedding 116 days out and I'm not happy.

The church that we planned to get married in his families church, they have had connections with the church for over 50 yrs.  His parents and 2 of his sisters were married there.  All of the children and grandchildren have been baptized there, so I understood why he wanted to get married there.  The cost is pretty steep, $2000 and that is the member discount. 

Being budget conscious I looked into other locations that were not as expensive a long time ago.  We discussed them and he said at the time it was worth spending the $2000, so we booked it.  So case closed right? Not quite.   

Today he calls me and says that he's been thinking and if we don't have the wedding at the $2000 church we could put that money to better use after the wedding.  Mind you this was a big part of my argument when I found other locations.  I believe the money could go to better uses, so that isn't the issue.

The issue is that we only have one option, get married at the reception location.  There is no added fee for this, so it make the most sense.  I understand that but I'm ticked that my FI came to see this now.  We have no other options, so it's either shell out $2K or the reception location.  Everything else less expensive is booked.

This is the 2nd time he has done this when it comes to wedding planning.  I wanted a less expensive photographer and he kept at it till I agreed to the more expensive photographer. He then changed his mind saying we could save money on the photography.  Luckily we found the perfect photographer that fits in out budget.

I really think he's a groomzilla, I don't even know if he listened to me before about how we could save money.     

Also we work together, so he told me this just before stepping into a 2-hour meeting, great.  I gave him the icy stare when I walked [past the conference room. I know childish but I'm upset.

When he gets out we are going to have a serious talk, because I am expecting next he will want to cut the pricey jazz band that he would not relent on having.

I know why I drink!

danieliza1127

Good grief!  This isn't surprising though.  I don't think guys grasp the full picture of wedding planning and cost until the wedding gets MUCH closer.  My H didnt' care or know anything until it started getting really close and then he kept asking to see my budget spreadsheet and kept fretting about how much everything cost.

Do you have invitations made already with the church info on them?  Will his family be upset if you don't get married there? 

FutureMrsTR

What is the reception location's ceremony location like?  If it's not bad, I know it sucks he took this long to come around, but if you won't lose any deposits to the church, go for it!

SheDiva4

The invitations haven't been printed yet and I think his family would be ok.  When they got married there it wasn't as expensive.

SheDiva4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6934c03a-21e2-4028-a617-1d654fc0618cPost:f7f51f28-0328-4af9-b191-9de3252c8276">Re: Need the vent</a>:
[QUOTE]What is the reception location's ceremony location like?  If it's not bad, I know it sucks he took this long to come around, but if you won't lose any deposits to the church, go for it! Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

The room we would use is decent looking we could have the ceremony in front of the fireplace.  We have until 90 days before to get our full deposit back.

I'm going try to come up with some ideas to make it more of a ceremony space and not just some room.

jnic0319

I think this goes to a much deeper issue.  Maybe sit down with him tonight and go over the entire budget and do a "speak now or forever hold your peace" talk.  This can't keep happening for the next 3 months.

SheDiva4

We will definitely have that talk, because this is so uncharacteristic of him.  I think it's the wedding causing him to act this way.

StephHalm

$2000 for the CHURCH?? Were you also having the reception there? Because 2000 bucks for just the ceremony is NUTS. My church (where I grew up, have the "connections" as you call it) charges minimal fees for things like paying the janitor, the organist, and an offering from the bride and groom. There is a $200 deposit which we get back as long as nothing is damanged.

SheDiva4

No we were just having the ceremony at the church, the reception is about 1-1/2 miles away.  $2k is a lot but that is probably because plenty of people will pay it.  We had friends get married there a few weeks ago and the cost for non members is $3500.

bel138

StephHalm - If you're getting married in a church, your faith and religion are presumably something very important to you. I would have had no problem paying $2000 for a church because we paid much more than that for a party. It's the most important part of the day and the reason for the party. I just don't get when people are so upset about church costs.

Birdie1483

This sounds a lot like my FI. They just don't think about these things until they're ready to think about it I guess. I won't stress too much. In the end, you'll have a beautiful ceremony no matter where you have it and if it's not in the church, then you saved 2k.

I would just sit down with him and maybe go over the rest of the big expenses and make sure you're both on the same page going forward. Explain to him how making changes now to big things won't be very easy.