So this 1 year for TY note business...

Manwaithiel

...is really starting to get under my skin.

Or maybe it's just because I'm grumpy and want to whine, but whatever.

So FI and I went to two weddings last year. One was an old frat brother of FI's. We both sent him expensive presents off the registry. No thank you note for either of us. They got married last October.

One was FSIL's. We played her ceremony music for free, FI paid for the pianist for some other music, and then we both sent her towels off her registry. No thank you card. I haven't the faintest idea if she even received the towels. She was complaining that some relative of hers was saying, "Well I guess you didn't like my gift because I never got your TYN." And she responded with, "We have a year to send them!!" Ummm, no you don't. Your guest are all probably wondering if you even got their gifts and are probably never going to get you anything else again for any future baby showers and what have you. Her wedding was last November.

Am I wrong for getting a little annoyed?

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:9d55a306-28c5-436c-bf3d-d386f6eb867e">So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]...is really starting to get under my skin. Or maybe it's just because I'm grumpy and want to whine, but whatever. So FI and I went to two weddings last year. One was an old frat brother of FI's. We both sent him expensive presents off the registry. No thank you note for either of us. They got married last October. One was FSIL's. We played her ceremony music for free, FI paid for the pianist for some other music, and then we both sent her towels off her registry. No thank you card. I haven't the faintest idea if she even received the towels. She was complaining that some relative of hers was saying, "Well I guess you didn't like my gift because I never got your TYN." <strong>And she responded with, "We have a year to send them!!"</strong> Ummm, no you don't. Your guest are all probably wondering if you even got their gifts and are probably never going to get you anything else again for any future baby showers and what have you. Her wedding was last November. Am I wrong for getting a little annoyed?
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
Yeah, you're right. Wedding guests have a year to send gifts, and the bride needs to send TY notes as soon as she gets gifs. I'd be annoyed too. But not annoyed enough to like call either one of them out on it. Sometimes you just gotta let things go. You can't stiff arm people into being polite, without coming across as a weirdo A-hole. 

TTiger03

You're not alone.  I hate that people put it off.  If I can take the time to get you a gift, you can take the time to write the notes..... especially if you are already intending to do so and have them.
Why would anyone want to put it off that long? 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:8bc04443-9866-416c-a73b-8c03e774a081">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to So this 1 year for TY note business... : Yeah, you're right. Wedding guests have a year to send gifts, and the bride needs to send TY notes as soon as she gets gifs. I'd be annoyed too. But not annoyed enough to like call either one of them out on it. Sometimes you just gotta let things go. You can't stiff arm people into being polite, without coming across as a weirdo A-hole. 
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Well FI IS going to ask her in a few days if they ever did get the actual gifts we sent. He's dealing with it basically.

I don't want to be a weirdo a-hole. I promise I don't. But I also want to know that when I spent $50 of my hard earned starving college student money on a wedding gift, that it was received. And hopefully appreciated. But at least received.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:b715ce67-bd64-4b30-be95-8ac2eaebd171">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not alone.  I hate that people put it off.  If I can take the time to get you a gift, you can take the time to write the notes..... especially if you are already intending to do so and have them. Why would anyone want to put it off that long? 
Posted by TTiger03[/QUOTE]

She's been "busy".

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:08272e2e-d67c-497d-bcff-224e309f6296">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So this 1 year for TY note business... : Well FI IS going to ask her in a few days if they ever did get the actual gifts we sent. He's dealing with it basically. I don't want to be a weirdo a-hole. I promise I don't.<strong> But I also want to know that when I spent $50 of my hard earned starving college student money on a wedding gift, that it was received. And hopefully appreciated. But at least received.</strong>
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
I totally get what you're saying. I do. And I'm glad your FI is dealing with it. But I'm also saying, it's very possibe that you may never know the gift was appreciated, and there's not really anything you can do to educate her on the way the world works. Except send her TY notes when she does nice stuff. Which I'm assuming will be a rare occurence, given this situation :)

mysticl

The last wedding I went to was 2 years ago today, still no thank you note.  Or verbal acknowledgement of the gift.  No Idea if they received it or it got lost/stolen at the reception. 

And the wedding before that was almost 3 years ago, did get the verbal acknowledgement but still no thank you note.  Neither bride sent thank yous for their baby shower gifts either. 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:40f1148b-174a-4707-af86-203930dfdf6d">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]The last wedding I went to was 2 years ago today, still no thank you note.  Or verbal acknowledgement of the gift.  No Idea if they received it or it got lost/stolen at the reception.  And the wedding before that was almost 3 years ago, did get the verbal acknowledgement but still no thank you note.  Neither bride sent thank yous for their baby shower gifts either. 
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Has the world gone crazy? I sent TY notes for high school graduation. I thought that, being that was the first "big event" in life, parents used that as an opportunity to teach their children about being polite.

Amazing. I'm going to send the tiniest gift possible for the baby shower if she has one and if she says anything (rude!!) I'll just say, "Well, since I never figured out if my expensive wedding present made it to you or not, I just felt like going with something that wouldn't matter so much if it got lost in the mail," *polite smile*

tldh

Manwathiel, your parents started late then.  My mom would sit us at the table as soon as we could write our names, read what she was writing and then have us sign our names.  I was writing thank you notes by myself in 1st grade.

FI and I still haven't received a TY from a wedding in May.  The couple sent us gifts almost as soon as they got our invitation.  Our TY went out that same day.  FI started laughing because he though we might make them feel bad for not sending one to us yet.

(I'll add that my TYs are all DIY to match the invitation suite that I DIY'd so it's a bit more involved than writing a few sentences.)

strlzfan11

I just looked it up online (because I was always under the impression you had two-three months post-wedding to send TY notes) and E-How (however reputable that is) agrees with me.

Waiting a year to send a TY is for the birds.  I remember thinking it was a huge project for my HS graduation party TY notes, but they were all done within a month after my graduation party because I took the time to work on them.  You mean to tell me people can't take an hour or two over the course of a week to sit down and write some TY notes?  I also find it ridiculous when people insist on waiting until they're all written before putting them in the mail.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:88e971b4-d8bc-4e5d-a272-da7fee9d642d">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just looked it up online (because I was always under the impression you had two-three months post-wedding to send TY notes) and E-How (however reputable that is) agrees with me. Waiting a year to send a TY is for the birds.  I remember thinking it was a huge project for my HS graduation party TY notes, but they were all done within a month after my graduation party because I took the time to work on them.  You mean to tell me people can't take an hour or two over the course of a week to sit down and write some TY notes?<strong>  I also find it ridiculous when people insist on waiting until they're all written before putting them in the mail.</strong>
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding??? People actually do this?

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:05dfd9ee-1785-4da5-b01f-d7a42f0a2325">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]Manwathiel, your parents started late then.  My mom would sit us at the table as soon as we could write our names, read what she was writing and then have us sign our names.  I was writing thank you notes by myself in 1st grade. FI and I still haven't received a TY from a wedding in May.  The couple sent us gifts almost as soon as they got our invitation.  Our TY went out that same day.  FI started laughing because he though we might make them feel bad for not sending one to us yet. (I'll add that my TYs are all DIY to match the invitation suite that I DIY'd so it's a bit more involved than writing a few sentences.)
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Our family does not send thank you notes for everything. It's just not the way it's done. People would give us weird looks if we sent TY notes for every birthday and I certainly have never received any. But when it's something like a wedding, shower, etc. where it's usually a once in a lifetime deal and people are spending lots of money on you, I think it's a safe bet that you should send a note.

strlzfan11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:3dd23d9b-5fd4-4eca-b56d-1e38c5337a3c">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So this 1 year for TY note business... : Are you kidding??? People actually do this?
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

My sister did it when she got married two years ago.  More than a few months had gone by after the wedding when my best friend asked me if my sister had sent her thank you cards yet.  I hadn't received one yet so I asked my mom about it who told me that my sister was waiting until they finished them all to send out.  I about fell off the couch when she said that.

Of course this is the sister who seemingly knows absolutely nothing about etiquette so this really shouldn't surprise me.  She planned her own shower (invited over 100 people to boot) and then proceeded to tell all the BMs what each of our responsibilities were.  My other sister & I wanted to choke her by the time it was all said and done. 

HisLilSassafras

You are in the right to be annoyed. I hate when people do that. I went to a wedding and gave money in a card and it was at least a year later before getting a thank you note. I thought that someone had stolen the cards or something. I felt bad about them thinking I didn't give them anything until I learned they where too lazy to say thank you in a timely manner.

Meagan78

My brother's wedding was a total clusterf%$ and now he and his new wife have been married for almost 5 months and still NO thank you cards!!!!  It's embarassing by association.  Sigh...  I finally called him on it and he said they are waiting on their wedding pics.  Whatever.  They need to call the ridiculously late photographer and ask for one or two of the best pics of the two of them and get those out, at least to our side of the family.  I know, not my problem.  But it totally irks me.

ElleestJenn

As other's said you have a right to be annoyed. My FSIL and her husband will be married 2 years on November. We recently saw them and somehow we got onto the subject of TYNs, when her husband replied ya we're still writing ours. What! I didn't bother to ask because I don't want to know why but seriously? I can't even remember if we received one but still. 

Mrs.B6302007

I judge lazy brides even more now because with a newborn, I still managed to get TY out fairly promptly as gifts came in.  Brides have no excuses.

megk8oz

Yes, waiting that long (Or just not sending them at all) is incredibly rude ... but I also think it's rude as hell to actually ask somebody where your Thank You is.

We all know it's proper etiquette to send them, but at the same time, isn't it also "proper" to give gifts expecting absolutely nothing in return? By asking for a note, you're saying "Hey, acknowledge me, say I did something good!". Not trying to justify her not sending them (Because seriously? A year later and nothing?), but I know my mother would be mortified if she knew that I outright asked somebody where my Thank You note was.

andy71781

Ok but is 2-3 months ok?  Like maybe 2?  I am seriously behind the ball with this thank you note crap.  I was doing the no longer than 2 weeks but the TY notes for the presents we got at the wedding are still on my dresser and need to go out.

Please make my anxiety go away E.

waltzingmatilda13

I thought the bride and groom had 3 months to send TY notes. At least that's what we did. Any longer than that is ridiculous.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:bbec6c22-8348-45fc-b097-8e89b1a4c10f">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, waiting that long (Or just not sending them at all) is incredibly rude ... but I also think it's rude as hell to actually ask somebody where your Thank You is. We all know it's proper etiquette to send them, but at the same time, isn't it also "proper" to give gifts expecting absolutely nothing in return? By asking for a note, you're saying "Hey, acknowledge me, say I did something good!". Not trying to justify her not sending them (Because seriously? A year later and nothing?), but I know my mother would be mortified if she knew that I outright asked somebody where my Thank You note was.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

We're not asking for a TYN. FI is just asking if they got our gift. If she presses to why we asked, he'll just say we never figured out if you got it. If she continues to press the issue, he'll just say "Well you never sent a note so we had no idea if good ole' UPS lost your gift." I really don't care about the acknowledgement but I'm not going to spend that kind of money and have it lost somewhere else.

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:88e971b4-d8bc-4e5d-a272-da7fee9d642d">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just looked it up online (because I was always under the impression you had two-three months post-wedding to send TY notes) and E-How (however reputable that is) agrees with me. Waiting a year to send a TY is for the birds.  I remember thinking it was a huge project for my HS graduation party TY notes, but they were all done within a month after my graduation party because I took the time to work on them.  You mean to tell me people can't take an hour or two over the course of a week to sit down and write some TY notes?  <strong>I also find it ridiculous when people insist on waiting until they're all written before putting them in the mail.</strong>
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I do this, but in flights. I will write all the thank you notes to people that I know will talk. So I'll send my family's all at once, his family's all at once, etc etc. I used to send them as I wrote them, but then I got ripped a new one by his mom about how she got her note, but their friend didn't get theirs, and when would theirs be coming, its rude to not send notes.... I was shocked to say the least.</div>

Jelenny

Manwaithiel that totally sucks....but then again not everyone is as educated as most knotties.  (my mom was blown out of the water with some of my ideas, suggestions, etc)

If it makes you feel any better my brother had a black tie wedding - they never sent ANY thank you's.  Since we don't get along all that well I assumed it was just me, and my mom said they never sent ANY out. 

Their reason: they didn't have anyone's address.

Funny....how'd you send the invites

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:fee07667-59d8-4234-b76c-f0bedd626a1c">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]Manwaithiel that totally sucks....but then again not everyone is as educated as most knotties.  (my mom was blown out of the water with some of my ideas, suggestions, etc) If it makes you feel any better my brother had a black tie wedding - they never sent ANY thank you's.  Since we don't get along all that well I assumed it was just me, and my mom said they never sent ANY out.  Their reason: they didn't have anyone's address. Funny....how'd you send the invites
Posted by Jelenny[/QUOTE]

LOL. Amazing how they could invite people to send them gifts. =)

I like your look stuff in your siggy by the way. It's very nice.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:5e9012e0-f748-4e20-bd17-2ab750a592b4">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]Your thank you might be a bit overdue but you get one! Thanks - hopefully my wedding is coming together...feels like it
Posted by Jelenny[/QUOTE]

I don't even like pink, and I like the colors and textures a lot. I think you're definitely on the right track =)

Jelenny

YAY!

I wanted bold colors and the FI liked this combo the best.  Being in Green Bay early Sept people assumed we were going to do a fall theme...not this girl - take them by surprise!

Pirata13

I got several out before we left for the HM. We need to get the rest done soon.  My mom just got a TY from a wedding she went to in April. I sent the same people a TY for mine within 3 weeks of the wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I went to a wedding 3 weeks ago and they said on their website that they aren't sending TY notes until at least December because they live out of the country and they have to wait until they move back to open them.

I went to a wedding last year and got a TY note 6 months later.

I went to a wedding a year before that and we never got a TY. Hell, we never actually got our invitation so I guess they just never had our address or something. Never got a TY for the baby gift we sent either. (However, they sent us a generous gift for our wedding back in July. We had a TY note out within a week.)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-1-year-ty-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69cec928-9f5d-41d0-afb0-4885abec0998Post:6b5d104d-d6ef-406e-a844-969c3460cea9">Re: So this 1 year for TY note business...</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother's wedding was a total clusterf%$ and now he and his new wife have been married for almost 5 months and still NO thank you cards!!!!  It's embarassing by association.  Sigh...  I finally called him on it and he said they are waiting on their wedding pics.  Whatever.  They need to call the ridiculously late photographer and ask for one or two of the best pics of the two of them and get those out, at least to our side of the family.  I know, not my problem.  But it totally irks me.
Posted by Meagan78[/QUOTE]

I can't believe people really think their guests care whether or not they have a phsyical wedding pic of the couple. I try to tell people here all the time - people care MUCH more about getting a prompt thank you than a pic of you on your wedding day. Ugh. How self-centered.

kathrynhabibti

Kate, you're right to be annoyed. What is going on with manners these days?

Calypso1977

you do not have a year to send a gift OR a year to write a TY.  both are myths, the first more common than the other.

i gave a gift to a couple who married 6 or 7 years ago.  never got a TY.  i asked the groom who was my friend what the deal was.  they just didnt do them, blamed it on a move, yada yada.  still bothers me.    my SIL footdragged bad on hers too, but her whole wedding was planned at a snail's pace.  i think i got our thank you maybe 5 or 6 months after the wedding.