FMIL and guest list

dutchchris

Well this is my first post! Here it goes!

My FH and I are having an outdoor wedding in the summer with a maximum of 150 guests. We have worked on the guest list closely together. Every person that we have chosen have been close enough with us individually and have made an impression on our lives. We are at 115 people with out dates and still have some more to add.

The issue that I am having (and have been trying to find an appropriate and non bridezilla way to bring this up) is that his mom would like him to invite some family friends. Now I dont have problems with her and we have a great relationship but these specific friends that she has brought up are ones that are more theirs than his. They have been around for a while but not as an influence on his life. My FH is very respectful of his family and loves them to death and wants to make everyone happy. I have met some of these people (about 15 in total) and they are people that we both agree we would not spend our time around, just not our types. One in fact in his sisters best friends mom and family who he doesnt really connect with.

How do I say "no" in a nice way to a sentimental caring guy? He wants to respect his parents and feel like everyone is happy. How do I make sure his mom is ok with this? I want the wedding to be about family and uniting as a family but I also feel that the list should be about the people we really want to share this with us.

Am I being crazy? 

tenofcups4me

I don't think you're being crazy but I do think you're being a little short-sighted. It's pretty normal for parents to invite their close friends to their child's wedding. There are some exceptions, of course, and some people choose not to have any parents' friends, but I don't think the parents are at all out of line for expecting they'll be able to invite some close friends. And 15 friends doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

I don't think you get the final decision -- certainly your FH has a say in this and it might be important to him to invite those people simply because it's important to his parents. The two of you need to talk and figure out what you want to do together. But tread lightly -- saying no to the friends can be a fast way to destroy that "great relationship" you currently have with his mom.

aMrsin09

Your FI gets to tell her NO.  It's HIS mom.

Are you allowing your parents to invite any friends?  If so, it would be a nice gesture. 

From your post I'm assuming you and FI are paying 100% of the bills? 

squirrly

Pick a number of people his parents can invite.  Personally, I think two couples is sufficient.  That's it.  She gets to decide which two couples, but no more.  Or one or three, whatever you and your FI decide.  That way, you've compromised - you're not inviting everyone, but you're not ignoring her request entirely.

marisah83

I think it is pretty normal for parents to invite some of their friends, especially if they are contributing.  However, if you think she's going overboard, do like a pp suggested and ask if she can cut it down to just a few couples.

Calypso1977

i dont think you  need to invite them unless the IL's have fnancial hold over you somehow.

weddings are for the bride and groom, not the parents.  i personally dont think parents friends/co-workers have any place at a wedding unless they are close to the couple.

LisaLPharmD

My fiance's parents aren't contributing a dime, and we let his side of the family have 100 guests.  She wanted to invite about 20 friends over that, ones that we mostly had never even met, but rather than argue, we let her pay for them and invite them. 

I am very shy and not looking forward to a bunch of strangers there for this occasion, but it was better than having my future MIL upset with us.

dutchchris

Thank you everyone for the advice. I am sure it will play itself out. I will step in if it goes overboard. They are not contributing to the wedding but I also understand having friends there. Just not ones that we don't really know or care for at all.

Thanks again!