My fiance's sisters as bridesmaids

PatientIris

Surely this question has been asked and responded to a million times. Sorry if it's redundant but...I don't know who else to ask.
My fiance wants his two sisters to be bridesmaids. So far he's planning on asking 4 of his guy friends to be groomsmen and I if I ask his sisters will only have two friends. I am not really close to either of them. I like them but definitely not close yet. His one sister who just got married didn't invite me to be in her wedding (but wanted my son as  a ring bearer, and he's not blood related to anyone...it was nice of him to be included but I was the odd one out). He wants to be traditional so no, having them stand up for him on his side he will probably not go for. Admittedly I am a little bitter because I wasn't included (my fiance was a groomsman for her future hubby, and her sister's boyfriend was an usher so all sig. others of the siblings were included but me). Had my son not been included I wouldn't have given it a second thought but it seemed weird to include him and not me.
I am frustrated a little because I don't have any brothers or cousins or anything to ask him to be in the wedding, so I feel like I'm having to specially accomodate his family and I kind of get screwed because I may have to leave a friend or two left out. I don't care about having uneven sides but I don't want my bridal party to get too large and chaotic. I guess I'm just wondering if it's an odd request he's asking of me or is it pretty standard. Being as I have never been in a wedding, had one or had sisters this is all foreign territory for me. At first I was okay with it all (I didn't commit to anything, though) but now I'm a little nagged by it. Just want to make sure it's not the bitterness influencing me and this is really run-of-the-mill tradition...thing. Maybe it would be a nice "bonding" experience. Who knows?
Sorry for the ramble. I guess I just feel kind of bad because I don't really want anyone to feel left out like I kinda felt. Thoughts?

aMrsin09

Well the pain in the butt part of me says "you don't get to tell him who stands up for him, he doesn't get to tell you who stands up with you"  especially since he isn't willing/it doesn't mean enough to him, to have them stand on his side.

Honestly, I would choose your friends and include his sisters by having them do readings.  Even our civil service had two readings.

MrsMLRB

You keep saying if I ask these two women then I won't get as many friends. Why do the sides need to be even?Ask the friends you want to ask and ask the ladies to make peace with your FI and call it a day.

waltzingmatilda13

aMrs is absolutely right, he shouldn't be forcing you to put anyone on your side that you don't want there. You should choose those people who are the closest to you and who you want up there. If he wants his sisters included so badly he should put them on his side.

lyndausvi

DH wanted his 2 sister who I had met once and are 15 and 17 years younger than me, I figured if it was important to him it should be important to me.   So I asked them. 

We did not have even sides, so that was not an issue.

Can they stand on DH's side?

FWIW - I would never expect to be in my SILs' future weddings.  WE asked them because they are DH siblings.  At least in our families asking a sibling to be in the wedding is very common if not expected.  Asking the SO of the sibling depends on your relationship.

squirrly

I think your bitterness is a little much.  Let that go. 

Tell your FI that his sisters can stand on his side, do readings, or be ushers, but that you're not comfortable having them as your bridesmaids, since you're not close with them.  And, I'd put my foot down.  Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to be a bridesmaid in a wedding where I wasn't really close to the bride. 

But, uneven sides really aren't a big deal, and two extra BMs won't make things chaotic.  Unless you have 9 friends you want to stand up for you to start with.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://chinese.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-sisters-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b67620a-f48d-4804-9abb-c78eb51881b7Post:c5d030ce-19ad-43ae-b602-b3e5e38069eb">Re: My fiance's sisters as bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Well the pain in the butt part of me says "you don't get to tell him who stands up for him, he doesn't get to tell you who stands up with you"  especially since he isn't willing/it doesn't mean enough to him, to have them stand on his side. Honestly, I would choose your friends and include his sisters by having them do readings.  Even our civil service had two readings.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

This, exactly. We had, literally, a ten minute ceremony. We had my SILs do readings. My brother was in the WP (stood on my side) because I'm closer to my brother than my husband is to his sisters. That's what worked for us.

Is it traditional in his family to have all the siblings in the WP? My SILs didn't care, and honestly, I don't think they would have even wanted to be BMs. If it will cause a huge hassel, maybe back down. Or tell him they can be groomsmaids, ushers or readers. I think you guys can come to a compromise.

jcamm11

Pick who you want - it's your wedding party.  If he throws a fit, tell them his sisters can stand on his side.  There are other ways to honor them besides making them bridesmaids.  I don't usually approve of this message, but when it comes to choosing BP members:

it's YOUR day!

so pick your closest friends to stand up with you.

lalap69

If it's that important to him, he can have them stand up on his side.

sister2groom

As far as your SIlL's wedding goes, while I understand your frustration at being the only sibling's SO not included, I think you need to try to understand from her point of view. She probably never considered you would be offended your son was asked to be the RB, cause that wouldn't really occur to me either. Furthermore, including someone as an usher may not seem like a big deal to her, maybe to her it was actually more like him doing her a favor by helping sort of people's seats and such. Usher is a step down from GM, there's not really much comparable for a female.

Now about your wedding. Yes, you should be able to pick your own BP, but you don't need to have even sides (I mean, what are the odds that you have the same number of close friends as your FI does? this isn't "Friends"). How important is this to your FI? Are his sisters nice and you just don't really hang out much, i.e. would it really hurt to have them stand up with you?

Gismo123

YOU'RE the one who picks the bridesmaids NOT him and vise versa for the groomsmen.  If you don't want them in your wedding because you want your closer friends in it then don't ask them BUT don't not ask them just because they didn't ask you to be in theirs!  That's so childish...I mean how old are you 5?  When my brother got married his wife didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid and I didn't throw a hissy fit about it..wahhhhhh...cry me a river.

Calypso1977

my H and his brother was in their sisters wedding only because she demanded her FI ask them because 2 more males were needed because the "girls couldnt walk unescorted" and she chose to have 6 or 7 bridesmaids. 

i dont get along with my brother in law at all, and his fiancee asked me to be in their wedding.  i know i was only asked because i'm married to her fiancee's brother.  while she and i get along, we arent close by any means.

trust me, these girls will know if you ask them out of guilt/obligation.  its not a great feeling at all.  its painful on the checkbook too.

tenofcups4me

I see I'm in the minority, but if it's important to him, I'd ask them. I don't actually see what the big deal is. The first time I got married, I asked my ex- to incude my sister's husband as a groomsman. To me, he was family and it was important to me that family be included. That's also what I've typically seen among my family and friends.  

On the other hand, I was fully prepared to ask his sisters to be BMs and asked him about it a few times, but he didn't want me to.

At any rate, your sides don't need to be perfectly even. If you have 4 friends you want, ask them too and have a total of 6.