Ceremony Dilemma (LONG)

jamie'scominghome

So...FI is being very stubborn about the ceremony. Neither of us are church goers so i thought it would be kind of awkward to ask someone to do our ceremony if we didnt attend that church. So I thought about a jop but i wanted a little prayer done and wasnt sure if he would be able to do it. Then i thought about having a judge do it, but i would be awkward to walk into the courthouse and ask to meet with a judge. So my mom mentioned that her doctor at the va clinic is an ordained minister. Im thinking that is a really good idea. Mom mentioned that me might want to meet with us to get to know us better. FI doesnt want to. He feels like he doesnt have to explain himself to some stranger and you cant have a personal wedding after talking to someone for 20 minutes (we dont live in the same town as we are getting married in). I told him maybe we could do readings to make it more personal and he doesnt like that idea either. He doesnt feel like his friend will be up to reading anything. This is his second marriage and he got married in a courthouse. I am half tempted to just do the same thing cuz it seems thats what he is expecting (just to say 'i do' and thats it), even though he says he wants something more than a court house wedding. Anyway, to get to the point of my post, what is everyone doing as for readings and everything for their ceremony? We really dont wanna do a unity candle or sand ceremony or anything like that. Is there anyway to make my FI happy without getting married in a courthouse?

handfast4me

Call your local Unitarian Universalist fellowship.  They welcome EVERYONE, including Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Humanists, Bhuddists, you name it.  And the minister there will be able to tailor your wedding to fit you--so if you want a generally non-religious ceremony with a short prayer, they can do it for you.  Best of luck!

vsgal

See what the laws are in your state.  You may be able to have a notary public marry you.  One of our close friends is a notary and in Florida, that is all  we need.  We are not getting married in church.  We are adding some religious aspects to the ceremony.  We will do the Our Father.The readings that we are doing reflect us.  The first is a poem entitled "Two days we should not worry".  We are also reading "Oh, the Places You'll Go"  by Dr. Suess.Basically our order will be:Welcoming of guestsLighting of the family candlesDeclarations of Intent by Bride and GroomFirst ReadingUnity Candle or Navajo BlessingSuess ReadingRecite the Lord's PrayerExchange of Wedding VowsBlessing of RingsExchange of RingsFinal CommentaryProcessionalIf you don't want a unity ceremony, just take that out and do two readings or just one reading.  There are no rules to what you do in your ceremony.If you are in a state that does not allow notary publics to perform a marriage, go with the church mentioned by the previous poster or use the year that you have until the wedding to get to know the VA Ordained Minister.  I am sure that you can meet with him more than once to get to know him and vice versa.  The meetings don't have to be in person either, you can try to call and talk to him.

jamie'scominghome

Finding an officiant is not the problem and he doesnt like the idea of readings. I think we might just do an intro, prayer, vows and closing statements...but it seems there should be more.

ellinger84

Have you asked FI what he DOES want in the ceremony?  It sounds like he's knocking down all of your ideas but isn't offering up any suggestions.  Sit down and talk about what he wants in a ceremony (if he wants one), and be honest about what you want - it sounds like you might want a someone more traditional ceremony (even if it's not religious).     You can always look around for an officiant, probably get some good recommendations on your local board.  A good officiant will meet work with whatever religious elements you want, make it at long or short as you want and give you a list of readings.     We're doing a hand blessing reading, if you google it you'll find all kinds of versions.    Our officiant gave us a list of things to do in ceremonies, one of them was a flower petal blessing.  When your guests enter your ceremony they're given a flower petal.  Before you give your vows, each guests makes a wish for the couple on the petal and then they come and sprinkle the petals in a circle around the couple.  Personally I thought it was a little cheezy for us, but I saw it done at a wedding last weekend & it was actually really nice.

chryse

JPs can do a little prayer, you'll have to find one that doesn't mind doing one. They cannot bless you as a minister could, but a prayer is certainly doable. Many will also let you completely customize your own ceremony and vows.  It can be traditional or completely unique to you if you want. The UU suggestion is a good one. What does FI want in his ceremony? Was there things about the first one he didn't like? If his friend doesn't want to do a reading, how about another family member or other friend? It can one of your friends or someone not in the wedding party. If he wants a personal wedding, then who does he suggest to do the ceremony? Some states do allow for friends to be an officiant. Or will allow an officiant to watch and sign the papers while someone else does the ceremony. You'll have to check what the laws are in your state. Personally, we are doing a very personal, very much our own ceremony with no readings, no sand, no unity candle, etc. The JP will do an intro, quote Shakespeare, we say our vows, do a ring exchange and we are done.  It won't be more than 20 minutes, probably closer to 10 (we haven't timed it yet).

handfast4me

We had a notary at our Florida wedding, and here's what we had for an outline for our ceremony:IntroIntent (may not be required in your state--it's just the part where each person states that they're free to marry)VowsRing ExchangePronouncementWe also added in a Cakes and Ale ritual, and had the officiant read a couple of things that were important to us.  Each state is different though, so you need to find out what HAS to be included.  Might not be anything, might be other things.

JuliaGoolia719

HEre are some readings that my friend found for us to consider for our wedding, some are religious some are not.Song of Solomon 2:10-13 My beloved responded and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, And come along. 'For behold, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. 'The flowers have already appeared in the land; The time has arrived for pruning the vines, And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land. 'The fig tree has ripened its figs, And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, And come along!'   Old Testament Wedding Reading – Sample 1 Genesis 2:18-24 A Reading from the Book of Genesis The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."  Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.  So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, 'for she was taken out of man."  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.     TRADITIONAL IRISH BLESSINGMay the road rise to meet you,May the wind be always at your back.May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields.And until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of his hand.May God be with you and bless you;May you see your children's children.May you be poor in misfortune,Rich in blessings,May you know nothing but happinessFrom this day forward.May the road rise to meet youMay the wind be always at your backMay the warm rays of sun fall upon your homeAnd may the hand of a friend always be near.May green be the grass you walk on,May blue be the skies above you,May pure be the joys that surround you,May true be the hearts that love you. Carrie's Poem, Sex and the City His hello was the end of her endingsHer laugh was their first step down the aisleHis hand would be hers to hold foreverHis forever was as simple as her smileHe said she was what was missingShe said instantly she knewShe was a question to be answeredAnd his answer was "I do"       ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow;  but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone?   And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.   HOW DO I LOVE THEE~ By Elizabeth Barrett Browning ~How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.         MY LOVE~ Linda Lee Elrod ~When I met you, I had no ideahow much my lifewas about to be changed...but then, how could I have known?A love like ours happensonce in a lifetime.You were a miracle to me,the one who was everythingI had ever dreamed of,the one I thought existedonly in my imagination.And when you came into my life,I realized that what Ihad always thoughtwas happinesscouldn't compare to the joyloving you brought me.You are a part of everythingI think and do and feel,and with you by my side,I believe that anything is possible.(this day) gives me a chanceto thank you for the miracle of you...you are, and always will be,the love of my life.   I PROMISE~ Dorothy Colgan ~I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.I promise to respect you as your own personand to realise that your interests, desires and needsare no less important than my own.I promise to share with you my time and my attentionand to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.I promise to keep myself open to you,to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fearsand feelings, secrets and dreams.I promise to grow along with you,to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.I promise to love you in good times and in bad,with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.Completely and forever.         The Art Of A Good Marriageby Wilferd Arlan PetersonHappiness in marriage is not something that just happens.A good marriage must be created. In marriage the little things are the big things.It is never being too old to hold hands.It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not endwith the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience,understanding and a sense of humour.It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.       What is Marriage?  (Anonymous)What is marriage?Marriage is more than the exchange of ringsand the sharing of a household;It is much more than just living together. It is the desire to truly want to know andunderstand another human being;to feel and share in that person'shappiness, as well as their pain. Marriage is to never feel alone;but rather, to know that you alwayshave a friend; a partner in life thatyou can laugh and cry with.To know that you always have thatspecial someone to share yourinnermost thoughts and fears,and know that you will be heard.Marriage is helping your partner to bethe absolute best that they can be,while still being able to experience your own need and goals. Marriage is love;true love that goes far beyond passion;It is a love that you can reach for in times of crisis as well as joy,and know it will be thereto comfort and to share.       Love Isby Susan Polis Schutz Love isbeing happy for the other personwhen they are happybeing sad for the other person when they are sadbeing together in good timesand being together in bad timesLove is the source of strength Love isbeing honest with yourself at all timesbeing honest with the other person at all timestelling, listening, respecting the truthand never pretendingLove is the source of reality Love isan understanding that is so complete thatyou feel as if you are a part of the other personaccepting the other person just the way they areand not trying to change them to be something elseLove is the source of unity Love isthe freedom to pursue your own desireswhile sharing your experience with the other personthe growth of one individual along side ofand together with the growth of another individualLove is the source of success Love isthe excitement of planning things togetherthe excitement of doing things togetherLove is the source of the future Love isthe fury of the stormthe calm of the rainbowLove is the source of passion Love isgiving and taking in a daily situationbeing patient with each other's needs and desiresLove is the source of sharing Love isknowing that the other personwill always be with you regardless of what happensmissing the other person when they are awaybut remaining near in heart at al timesLove is the source of security Love isthe source of life       Yes I’ll Marry You - Pam AyresYes, I’ll marry you, my dear,And here’s the reason why;So I can push you out of bedWhen the baby starts to cryAnd I hear a knockingAnd it’s creepy and it’s lateI hand you the torch you seeAnd you investigateYes I’ll marry you my dearAnd you may not apprehend itBut when the tumble dryer goesIts you that has to mend itYou have to face the neighbourShould our roggie cat attack himAnd if a drunkard fondles meIts you that has to whack himYes Ill marry youYou’re virile and you’re leanYour house is like a pigstyI’ll help you keep it cleanThat sexy little dinnerWhich you served by candle nightAs I do the chappatis you can cook it every nightIt’s you who has to work the drillAnd put up curtain trackAnd when I’ve got a migraine its you who gets the flackI do see great advantagesBut none of them for youAnd so before you see the lightI do I do I do I do     I Wanna Grow Old With You by Adam Sandler I wanna make you smile, Whenever you're sad. Carry you around when your arthritis is bad. All I wanna do, Is grow old with you. I'll get you medicine, When your tummy aches. Build you a fire if the furnace breaks. Oh it could be so nice, Growin' old with you. I'll miss you, kiss you, Give you my coat when you are cold. Need you, feed you. Even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink. Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink. Oh I could be the man, Who grows old with you. I wanna grow old with you.