Courtesy note to cousins not invited HELP!!

muffingirl82

Hi I have decided to have a small wedding and having family minus cousins and kids.  The only cousins invited are in the wedding.  Should I write a courtesy note with the STD's or invitations or not at all?

SilverLining1

I don't understand, what would you say in this courtesy note? I really can't imagine a circumstance in which this would be necessary. 

Also, things tend to get messy when you don't make clear cuts with family. For example, inviting one cousin and not another.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_courtesy-cousins-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bc011ee-510a-4c90-bb88-f94ace106a11Post:ff15f02c-4d5b-4472-8f7d-bdd2314bad26">Courtesy note to cousins not invited HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi I have decided to have a small wedding and having family minus cousins and kids.  The only cousins invited are in the wedding.  Should I write a courtesy note with the STD's or invitations or not at all?
Posted by muffingirl82[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>Ditto PP- what would you be writing, and why?</p>

Rosie109

Save the date but you can't come?

jessicabessica

Ditto PPs.  If you want to send something, send a wedding announcement the day that you are married.  But inviting some cousins and not others would not go over well in my family.  

JanoBean75

I invited cousins on my dad's side, but not on my mom's side. Partly because the ones on mom's side and I don't really keep in touch, but also because inviting those six people really meant 12 and I didn't have that much room in my budget. But I didn't send them anything. That would be rubbing it in.

midgetthemighty

What's the point in saving the date for a wedding that you're not invited to? If you send STD, they have to be invited. Don't send "courtesy notes" to those not invited. It's rude.

peanutty2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_courtesy-cousins-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bc011ee-510a-4c90-bb88-f94ace106a11Post:ff15f02c-4d5b-4472-8f7d-bdd2314bad26">Courtesy note to cousins not invited HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi I have decided to have a small wedding and having family minus cousins and kids.  The only cousins invited are in the wedding.  <strong>Should I write a courtesy note with the STD's or invitations or not at all?</strong>
Posted by muffingirl82[/QUOTE]
wait, why would you send an invitation to someone who is not invited???  And an STD = invitation.  If they are not invited they just don't get anything.  You also don't send anyone a note saying "sorry but your not invited"... imagine if you opened the mail and got that.  What you can do is send out a "wedding announcement" once you're married.  And if it comes up in conversation you can say "we're having a small wedding, immediate family only, etc. etc.".  Also be careful how you pick and choose who gets to come, I think wedding party only is a clear enough line, I'm just saying be prepared to hear people complain.

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_courtesy-cousins-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bc011ee-510a-4c90-bb88-f94ace106a11Post:2c3f16fc-891f-478c-b772-ceca11aa858d">Re: Courtesy note to cousins not invited HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Save the date but you can't come?
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
Sounds reasonable to me.  Use this, OP.

mica178

Are you talking about wedding announcements?  Those are sent the day after the wedding to distant relatives or work colleagues who you do not invite to the wedding, sort of as a heads up that you're married.  You do not send wedding announcements until you're married, though, because otherwise, you're rubbing it in their face that you've decided not to invite them.

jerseydevil

Why would you go out of your way to tell some one they are not invited?!?

The Mel and Todd Show

Are you saying an STD is being sent to the aunt and uncle, as they are invited, but the cousins who live in the same home are not?  As you would with your invitiations, address your STDs to only those members of the household who are invited. Do not include a note indicating who is NOT invited.  That would be rude.