So, I don't know what to do here.
In planning our wedding, FI and I were planning on footing most of the bill ourselves, with some help from my parents were they could. We're having a small(ish) wedding, nothing over the top, etc. Planning's been fine, until a few weeks ago when my mom told me my dad was losing his job effective October of this year. The company is folding and he'll be done sometime in October. He's looking for something new, but also has to focus on his current job at the same time.
I feel horrible for my dad, and I told my mom we'd totally scale back and just do something really small (we haven't done STD's or anything like that, only people extremely close to us know about the date at this point, so we could keep it small) and FI and I could try to help them out financially with what we'd save. She said no, don't do that, have the wedding, but we can't help you out. Fine...we hadn't been sure what they'd contribute and basicaly budgeted without taking them into account.
Kept planning, and everything's fine. Til last night when I was asking her about giving me a better ballpark about who on her side needs invites (like cousins I might be forgetting)....and she asks if her and my dad are still being listed as hosts? I said the way FI and I had chosen to word the invite with a poetry quote and stuff at the top, there's no formal "Mr and Mrs So and So invite you...", we're being more informal. She got kind of quiet and asked why we were doing that, and I said because that's the style we like, we love the poetry quote and honestly, we're not that formal as a couple, so why have formal invites? She understood, but felt that people wouldn't understand who was hosting. I could tell it was bothering her, so I asked what was really the matter. She basically told me that even though she paid for her own wedding she put my grandparents down as hosts, and expected me to do the same. She then tells me that even if they go down as hosts, if they don't like the music and can't find a quiet place to talk, my parents will just leave my reception early and not stay for the party.
So....here's my issue--1.) if we're paying for the entire thing, we'd go down as hosts, right? I'm not planning on changing my invite style unless something major happens, but that's the correct way to do it, right? 2.) If I did change them to the hosts and do a formal invite, hosts don't leave their own party, right? If they want to be hosts, they have to stay the whole time. Am I missing something? I just kept thinking if my parents have dinner at their house, they don't just up and leave their guests sitting in their house. (And if it helps clarify, it's a Sunday afternoon/evening reception. We're out of the venue by 9pm the latest).
I love my mom, but this really bothered me.
4/29/12
