Do you judge people's engagement rings?

megk8oz

I have one of those 3 stone diamond rings, the center stone is 1/2 a carat. I'm pretty sure people judge me for it. But I really didn't want a large diamond. I have tiny hands, and I've tried on bigger diamonds ... even 1 carat looks like "costume jewelry" on me. I'd rather my small ring look real, than have a big ring that looked like I was playing dress up with Grandma's jewelry box.

I "slightly" judge other people's rings when I can tell the girl hates her ring. It always makes me think "Really? This man wants to marry you and he can't figure out what kind of ring you'd like?". Although, I guess that's more judging her FI than it is her ring.

nda_roxybabe

Exactly GPB, I may hate them but I know some peope love them, thats what matters.

LP11509

Some rings are NMS, but as long as the person wearing it loves it, then that's the important thing

I definitely don't judge stone size.  When I was trying on rings before I got engaged, I initially thought I wanted at least a carat.  But I have really small hands (my e-ring is size 4 3/4, and when I bought my wedding band recently I was sized at 4 1/2).  After trying some on, I realized that large stones just didn't look right on me. 

So, I ended up with a .5 carat center stone, and it's perfect for me.  And because I love it so much, I will now AW it.  If you want to judge it, be my guest because I don't care.  Please excuse the crappy picture quality though:






 

ohwhynot

Hmm.  I guess I have to admit that I judge the opposite way - if a stone is really big, I think it's kind of vulgar, and a waste of $$.  That's not very nice of me - if it suits the couple and that's how they choose to spend their money, that's their business.

But yeah, a little involuntarily reaction is to kind of a judge an overly big or gaudy ring. 

FWIW, I have a pearl engagement ring and I can't imagine my fi being more devoted or loving. 

lifequestion

I think that a lot of the diamond-judging has to do with insecurity.

My FI begged me to let him get me a diamond, but frankly, I find them boring and cliche' and not worth the hyperinflated cost. Diamonds are not rare. There are plenty. They will never run out. Why the high cost? I swore I'd never wear one until my mom suggested I put the diamonds from her original wedding band into my wedding band, which we ended up having to have custom-made. We hunted across the country at various gemshows until we found my perfect sapphire at a show in Santa Rosa, CA. Mined in the US (conflict-free), color-changing, etc. I love it. I think it's really shallow of anyone to think that because it's not the industry-determined diamond my FI doesn't care about me/have money, and I think they must have some issues on their own if they feel that way. FWIW, we already owned our house before we decided to get engaged. It's not about the money. First and foremost, it's about it being a symbol of your love, and secondly, it's about your taste.

Our love is unique, so I requested a unique engagement ring. He didn't have to spend an arm and a leg; I'd rather spend that money towards a vacation or something.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:00ac8cd1-8d2e-4094-8f79-74f936d6a6f0">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some rings are NMS, but as long as the person wearing it loves it, then that's the important thing I definitely don't judge stone size.  When I was trying on rings before I got engaged, I initially thought I wanted at least a carat.  But I have really small hands (my e-ring is size 4 3/4, and when I bought my wedding band recently I was sized at 4 1/2).  After trying some on, I realized that large stones just didn't look right on me.  So, I ended up with a .5 carat center stone, and it's perfect for me.  And because I love it so much, I will now AW it.  If you want to judge it, be my guest because I don't care.  Please excuse the crappy picture quality though:  
<p>Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>We have similarly small hands! My rings are a 4 and a half, but I had my finger sized recently at 4 and a quarter (although I decided not to get them taken down as I figured it's not really worth it given I'll no doubt gain weight eventually!). </p>

luckyme502

I voted, of course!  Let me say that I am a jewelry fanatic.  I never judge the people or their motives for buying what they bought.  I judge the ring.  If it's a gemstone ring, I am looking at the cut, color and clarity.  I also look at the design and if it's something I like or not. 

baystateapple

No.

As far as gemstone rings go, I know some people who really don't like diamonds.  Also, I knew a girl whose birthday was April, so she already had so many pieces of diamond jewelry that it wasn't a big deal for her.  She wanted an emerald engagement ring.  I don't think there's any reason to judge someone for their personal taste.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:88511870-a2d2-48ed-b538-e301ce48321c">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? :   We have similarly small hands! My rings are a 4 and a half, but I had my finger sized recently at 4 and a quarter (although I decided not to get them taken down as I figured it's not really worth it given I'll no doubt gain weight eventually!). 
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I decided not to get my e-ring resized either because it's never come close to falling off (though sometimes it turns sideways slightly).  I recently lost some weight, which is probably why I was sized a bit lower for my wedding band. Like you said, I'm sure I'll eventually gain it back too!  Yay for other people with  abnormally small hands :)

And bit of a threadjack, but I stalked your bio and I love love LOVE your wedding pictures.  I seriously think it's one of the best weddings I've ever seen pics of.

kbmeow

I just read the KPS.  I got what I wanted, and it is 3 stones.  1 ctw.  My best friend has a black onyx because that is what she wanted.  She help pick the ring.  She hates diamonds.   But I do kinda judge.  I Judge huge rings more than smaller.  I am sorry, a 3 ct diamond that is not good quality, and can catch on everything, and make you look like you have money so you get mugged is not practical. 

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:00ac8cd1-8d2e-4094-8f79-74f936d6a6f0">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some rings are NMS, but as long as the person wearing it loves it, then that's the important thing I definitely don't judge stone size.  When I was trying on rings before I got engaged, I initially thought I wanted at least a carat.  But I have really small hands (my e-ring is size 4 3/4, and when I bought my wedding band recently I was sized at 4 1/2).  After trying some on, I realized that large stones just didn't look right on me.  So, I ended up with a .5 carat center stone, and it's perfect for me.  And because I love it so much, I will now AW it.  If you want to judge it, be my guest because I don't care.  Please excuse the crappy picture quality though:  
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

Similar problem. My ring size is a 4.5 ... like I'd said, even a full carat looked like costume jewelry on me. DH wanted to pick out the ring on his own, but he had me try things on and give him ideas. Multiple times he asked if I wanted something bigger, because he felt like he was supposed to get a "rock". I wanted a ring that looked "right" on my hand. A big honking diamond just wasn't the way for me to go.

[Deleted User]

I don't judge the ring at all. I have no foot to stand on anyway, as my ring was cheap and is small, which is exactly what I wanted but to others I konw they see it as a POS (yes, it's been said to me). If the girl loves it, then that's all that matters. Everyone has their own personal style. 

I judge how the person reacts to their ring. If they aren't happy because it's not big enough, or expensive enough, or they think their FI should have picked a better one, then yes, I judge them.  Or if they look down on others with rings that don't fit their high standards, I judge them too.

ebonyivory10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:c18aa2e8-6e9e-4154-a227-5e9dfef1a656">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm.  I guess I have to admit that I judge the opposite way - if a stone is really big, I think it's kind of vulgar, and a waste of $$.  That's not very nice of me - if it suits the couple and that's how they choose to spend their money, that's their business. But yeah, a little involuntarily reaction is to kind of a judge an overly big or gaudy ring.  
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

<div>I do this also. </div><div>
</div><div>In college, my bff's sister had a 4 carat ring that she never wore. She kept it locked in a safety deposit box and just wore her band once they got married. I do believe the sister loved to tell people how much her ring cost and that her ring was in a box at the bank just to make herself sound so great. Stupid if you ask me. </div>

Schroeder246

I don't ever judge someone else's ring, different people have really different tastes and you definitely can't always tell how much something cost just by looking at it.

My FI had a certain amount in his mind that he was "supposed" to spend, and no amount of my persuading could convince him otherwise.  He still won't tell me how much it was (not that I've asked, but he literally hid the receipts and the insurance info).

I wanted a smaller, more understated ring, though, so he went to Tiffany's so he could make his "price point".  Sometimes I feel silly because I think that people judge or think it's pretentious when they find out where it's from.  But it's what my FI wanted to do, and I really really do love the ring.

jessjo04

I judge, but more based on what I think is pretty, not size.  I'd probably judge just like I judge if I think someone is wearing an ugly outfit.

This is large, but NMS, so I'd judge the taste. Sorry if this resembles someone else's ring. Just my opinion.

ssminy79

My diamonds are really small in my ring....from 1936.  My FI proposed to me with my grandmother's ring, so I could care less about the quality of the diamond or how big it is.  This ring holds more sentimentality than any colorless 1 carat diamond ever could.

I have only judged one ring.  The center stone was a heart-I kid you not.  It was an odd situation to begin with, but the heart cut diamond was icing on the cake.

jessjo04

My friend has a small ring and she said she was at a bar and some guy told her that her FI must not love her because she got a small ring. I have gotten guys tell me that my DH must love me a lot because of the size of my ring. Oddly enough, must judgements I hear come from men.

sapphirebaby926

I judge big gaudy rings but that's a matter of taste rather than size/stone. I read DH that KPS and he was pretty mad about it because it implied that he was cheap for getting me what I wanted. I have my issues with the diamond industry and I don't find them to be as pretty as gemstones so I wanted a sapphire for my center stone. I love my ring and I wouldn't want anything else.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:2f0cedca-1f16-41bd-bc86-82be05b0ba0f">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]My diamonds are really small in my ring....from 1936.  My FI proposed to me with my grandmother's ring, so I could care less about the quality of the diamond or how big it is.  This ring holds more sentimentality than any colorless 1 carat diamond ever could. I have only judged one ring.  The center stone was a heart-I kid you not.  It was an odd situation to begin with, but the heart cut diamond was icing on the cake.
Posted by ssminy79[/QUOTE]
There is a poster who I've seen on the Budget board who has a heart shaped diamond.  I think it looks adorable.  

karmellah

i never think less of someone for their ering of course, but ive found myself looking at them and wondering why anyone would get anything so big. i think .5 caret is too big even lol. mine i think is a quarter and its just perfect. i adore it. i would never ever want anything bigger. im sure people look at mine and think its tiny, but its big for me and im a big woman lol

lharri12

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:2e2e741f-618b-450c-9c0a-e7bd936c40c1">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I judge, but more based on what I think is pretty, not size.  I'd probably judge just like I judge if I think someone is wearing an ugly outfit. This is large, but NMS, so I'd judge the taste. Sorry if this resembles someone else's ring. Just my opinion.
Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this.  That ring is fugly.  And I hate marquee center stones.  Sorry if that's what anyone has - it's just NMS.  Then again, my center stone is an orange sapphire, which I'm sure many people wouldn't like, but FI knew it's what I wanted :)  And strangers complement it all the time!
Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks!!</div>

KatyRoseM

I judge, but not based on cost or if it is real, just on taste.  I personally don't like many of the styles that are out there, so sometimes I say to myself, eww bad taste.  But to each her own, and if its her taste then fine. 

arbolita

 Like other posters here, my ring size is 4.5, so a large diamond would just look silly.  I also rarely wear any jewelry as it is, because it just doesn't occur to me, so I think having a huge rock on my hand would just feel weird.

I've received comments from men and women about how it's "cute," and one women even had the nerve to tell Mr. Arb "You know you have to get her something bigger than that, right?" SMH.

Kristin&eric

honestly i was the whole nothing less than a carat... or less than a carat center and so was my FI but he took me to a jewelry designer show and i fell in love with a .5 carat center stone that was pear shape, i just love the actualy band bc it is sooo different... it really is.... i am ok with it, but my diamond is near perfect in color and clarity....i dont care i love my ring. I have judge, my friend was engaged and hers was a spec you couldnt even see it, it was mostly the prongs holding it in... more of a promis ring, they were engaged for 3 years and then broke up...

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:7f642e37-2261-46ab-a7d2-7ed390f9598d">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE] Like other posters here, my ring size is 4.5, so a large diamond would just look silly.  I also rarely wear any jewelry as it is, because it just doesn't occur to me, so I think having a huge rock on my hand would just feel weird. I've received comments from men and women about how it's "cute," and one women even had the nerve to tell Mr. Arb "You know you have to get her something bigger than that, right?" SMH.
<p>Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I got comments about mine being 'delicate'. Actually, though, the friend whose ring I admire the most is smaller than mine with a really thin band. I think that on tiny fingers, small stones and little delicate bands look perfect.</p>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:2698f278-9ae7-40f2-93d5-d1047119e162">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]However, sometimes when I see girls with really tiny stones (like my BFF who has an extremely tiny solitaire, she says it's princess but it's so small I can't even tell) I wonder "if he couldn't afford a nicer ring how will they afford a house or kids. 
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]
i judge you for this. i really wanted to like you. now i don't. ugh.

reddy123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:2f0cedca-1f16-41bd-bc86-82be05b0ba0f">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]My diamonds are really small in my ring....from 1936.  My FI proposed to me with my grandmother's ring, so I could care less about the quality of the diamond or how big it is.  This ring holds more sentimentality than any colorless 1 carat diamond ever could. <strong>I have only judged one ring.  The center stone was a heart-I kid you not.</strong>  It was an odd situation to begin with, but the heart cut diamond was icing on the cake.
Posted by ssminy79[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, this. While reading through this thread, I kept thinking, there is one ring I judged- the heart ring of my FSIL,  they spent a lot of money on it too. She likes it though, or does a good job faking.</div><div>
</div><div>And I thought my hands were tiny! I am a 5.5 and also thought big diamonds looked bad on me, plus I have too active of lifestyle to have something huge sticking out an inch from my hand.

</div>

Goldlie11

My ring was called cute too.  The girl who told me my ring was cute had a much bigger ring.  Whatever, I love my ring.  I honestly thought I would be over it by now.  I've been engaged for about 8 months.  I still find myself staring at it in awe.  

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-peoples-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e3ffe60-14f0-4fb0-bdc0-7442a7929b0ePost:04c77b5a-16fa-4abc-ade6-e10915b4ed19">Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? : Yeah, I decided not to get my e-ring resized either because it's never come close to falling off (though sometimes it turns sideways slightly).  I recently lost some weight, which is probably why I was sized a bit lower for my wedding band. Like you said, I'm sure I'll eventually gain it back too!  Yay for other people with  abnormally small hands :) And bit of a threadjack, but I stalked your bio and I love love LOVE your wedding pictures.  I seriously think it's one of the best weddings I've ever seen pics of.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>Thank you!</p><p> </p><p>Mine is big on my finger and spins around a bit, but my knuckles are large and to get over them requires a min 4.25 sized ring. The actual size of my finger itself where the ring sits is much smaller than the knuckle. </p>

abbalish

I wouldn't call it judging, but I definitely notice other women's rings.  It started around the time we started talking about getting engaged.  I am so not a jewelry person but I always notice rings.

Also, I have a yellow sapphire center stone.  I could have gone either way on the diamond vs. gemstone thing but H felt strongly anti-diamond - he didn't like how everyone has them, and I also remember him saying something about he felt like people notice diamonds and judge them for being too big or too small.  He still spent more on my sapphire ring than many diamond rings, so I think it's silly to say it's about being cheap.  Whatevs. 

Honestly, it bothers me sometimes that I wanted an engagement ring and blinged out wedding bands in the first place.  I would have liked to be less shallow than that, but I really love my rings.  It's been two years since we got engaged and over a year since we've been married and I am still very aware of how they look on my fingers.